my muslim boyfriend of 8 years just told me today that he has done so much sin that he wants to be a proper muslim again. he didnt pray or fast for the last 4 years and ate in non halal places (but no pork) while we are overseas. iam a chinese, it was never much of a problem, but after we got in a huge fight a few days ago, then he declared that he needs to be a better person, including treating me better in order to do that we will no longer have physical contact other than holding hands till we get married.And that he will no longer eat at my place or with my family to non halal place or even touch my dog anymore. he is determined to do it or else he will go to hell he says.we won;t get married in at least another 2 years as we are still not financially stable. i cant live without my dog but can;t imagine living without him either. how do i cope or do after 8 years?!! he also said i cant convert because of him, cause i can only do so if i want to. i don't see how it can work.
2007-09-07 05:58:07 · 19 answers · asked by bgorrr 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
you love him right?So is it so dificult to respect wish of someone who you love?You don't have to leave your dog,he just said he won't touch him anymore,he have reasons for that,it dosn't mean he hate your dog.You should apreciate his decision and support him if you really love him.You see,he didn't left you,he told you few things you two have to change in order to stay together.he loves you girl,he wants to staywith you,if you want too,you two should talk and find common language in order to be happy together and live in harmony.Ofourse there is allways things we have to sacrfise for those we love,that isn't so hard...good luck
2007-09-07 06:10:08 · answer #1 · answered by Vanya D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uhmm...this is a tough one.
I would wait it out a little to see how serious he is about re-adopting his religion. If he's going to become that religious -- it may no longer be the right type of relationship you want.
Imagine having children or getting married. Ask him what his religious standards would be should you two wed and other questions to help you determine if this relationship is still going to work FOR YOU.
I have absolutely no problem with other people's beliefs, however, I would NEVER tolerate another individual imposing their beliefs onto me---I would never give up a pet for someone unless they were deathly allergic...nor would I change my own expectations etc just because someone thinks I should in order to save THEMSELVES from hell.
It sounds to me as you're being asked to accept him and his will, however, what is he doing to accept you the way you are?
No matter how long someone has been with someone or how hard being alone might seem---it's very important to remember that the sun will always, always rise and better days will always come forth.
2007-09-07 06:09:41 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why can't he touch your dog?
And It might not even be the religion, he might be using that as an excuse to spend more time with some other woman ( she might be a Muslim extremist who is trying to make him one so she can get married to him). He might be with some other woman and feels guilty and that is why he doesn't want to spend more time with you. He is slowly pushing you away. Even if he gets married to you, he might make you wear the hijab ( scarf thingi ) and stuff. I dont think Muslim ppl are allowed to marry out side their religion and stuff. So he might not even marry you ( when the time comes, he might say no ) so it might be a good idea to find out whats really going on with ur bf. And if he is cheating on you, I say you go for someone better and don't convert your religion in the hopes that it will save your relationship cuz it wont!.
thats just my 2 sense.
I hope you don't go crazy or paranoid after reading this. IAm just saying ... .. this could be the reason And you should leave him if he is cheatin on you or can't change a little for you aswell (( like touching your dog ( not touching a dog is just messed up, who knows what he will come up with next! ))
2007-09-07 06:11:47 · answer #3 · answered by Jason C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds as if he is ready to get back on track and wans to live his life the way he feels he should.....If he loves you he will Marry you in 2 years and that really is not too long....But my question would be if you were to get married how would your marriage work? Would he be fine that you did not convert to Muslim and if you had children how would they be raised these are things you need to discuss to make sure that he is the man you want to Marry perhaps there is someone else out there for you.....Consider all options maybe even talk to your church leader or trusted family member or friend....
2007-09-07 06:07:29 · answer #4 · answered by Kayla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember - you both have free will. You do not have to follow his path, and vice versa. If the paths no longer run along the same lines, perhaps it's time for a split. After 8 years it will hurt, yes...but he doesn't sound like the same person anymore. Remeber, true muslims are very extremely strict, and if you want to conitnue your relationship, you will have to do it all his way, according to his doctrine. Is that really the life YOU want?
2007-09-07 06:06:55 · answer #5 · answered by Blue Oyster Kel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Last year in Orange County, California there was a Muslim young man who was dating girl from India with differing beliefs. I don't mean for this to reflect on all Muslims but read into it what you will: when there was trouble over their religious difference the young man burned the girls house down with her in it. Her mother and sister escaped - and so did he, on an airplane. He was eventually caught in another city trying to flee the country.
Take my advice; keep the dog, dump the boyfriend & find someone more compatable.
2007-09-07 06:05:25 · answer #6 · answered by Dave 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The muslim faith is very rigid and unforgiving, and women are second class citizens with no rights. His family may be putting pressure on him to return to his faith or they will disown him. They will never allow him to marry anyone outside of their faith. Say good bye and find someone who believes the same as you, because you would never be able to have a life with him that has any dignity or respect.
2007-09-07 06:14:04 · answer #7 · answered by kingsdaughter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds tough. You should give him his space to pursue this. If he is not happy about his spiritual state, you will ultimately derive little benefit from being with him.
If things clash, ask him which, if any, specific compromises are possible. If you respect what is important to him, he should recognize that and not expect you to give up what is important to you---like your dog!
If he insists that you change more than you can without being miserable, then this is a compatibility issue, not a religious one. Good luck to you both.
2007-09-07 06:13:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
2007-09-07 06:09:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's making an excuse to either distance himself from you, or to test you - to see if you'd give up everything for his ways.
I'd take this as a sign to move on. He's not interested in a true partnership - just control.
2007-09-07 06:07:54 · answer #10 · answered by kent_shakespear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋