Since the end of my pregnancy things have been really rough. Our son is almost 8 months old now and there is only a little improvement. Will we ever love each other like we used to? Is it normal for new parents to feel like they have "fallen out of love"? We both love each other - that isn't even a question- it is just we don't feel excited and all lovey dovey anymore. There are a lot of factors behind all of this I think. We both work full time but he also has a band that is doing really well and between practice, work, his 13 year old daughter there isn't much time for us to spend together. I feel like I am holding all the responsibilites for our son on my own. I almost feel like a single parent. I have talked to him about this and he has started helping out with our son a little which is a start in the right direction. I just don't know that we will ever be passionate or anything like that ever again. Is it possible? What can we do to help our relationship?!?!?
2007-09-07 04:02:46 · 17 answers · asked by ? 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I'm afraid its normal. I'm glad you have worked through your feelings that you were raising your son alone. But the other feelings are because your relationship has changed. Your not just him and her anymore, your mom and dad and no matter who you are that changes your relationship. You will need time to adjust but you will start loving each other on a deeper level now. It may not be butterflies and sparks but it becomes a love based more on committment and communication. On being htere for each other and the new life you created. Don't worry, that kind of love will become all you need and you will wonder why you thought the excitement love was the best and all you needed. Good luck and give your adorable baby a kiss from me.
2007-09-07 04:10:58 · answer #1 · answered by wazup_dude2007 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't freak out, it will come back. I was in a similar situation when my son was born. I didn't realize it at the time, but I felt like I didn't "matter" anymore- that it was all about the baby- and I was resentful of it. It took me a long time (a couple years) to fully pull my head out of my buttocks- thank god my wife was so supportive and patient.
Since your husband has started helping with the baby, it is a step in the right direction. He will have to learn that he does still "matter"- actually now more than ever. Once his selfishness wears off (he probably doesn't even realize he's being selfish) he will wake up to the fact that his life is awesome and that he is lucky to have a healthy child and a caring wife. If he doesn't believe this, just have him email me- I'll set him strait.
2007-09-07 04:12:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A mistake most couples make is to chase after the feeling they had before having a child. The fact is you are both different now and your relationship is different as well.
The best thing to do is SCHEDILE time together. This time has to be without the kids around and just the two of you. Kids must not be something you have to deal with in any way during this time. It does not matter what you do, just get together without kids and be a couple.
The surprise will be that your relationship is nothing like what it was before. Instead you will discover a whole new relationship as a couple and it is likely it will be a better relationship. I know with my wife and I we had that kind of change.
2007-09-07 04:08:46 · answer #3 · answered by arimarismacon 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Of course its possible, but you need to make that as much a priority as all the rest of that stuff. Get a babysitter and have an evening out away from the baby, daughter, band and work. At least once a month! And if you get the chance, take an evening - without the kids - to go watch your husband perform. It will show him you support his success with the band and make him feel appreciated too.
And take heart. Kids grow and become less needy. Your 13 year old daughter may soon be responsible enough to babysit your son.
2007-09-07 04:11:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There many ways to approach this. Do things together with the child. Most children can hang with us if we realize it. Maybe we can not go to a Bar or Liquor store, but, most things we do for fun can include the child. Then we always have Grandma or Sister/Brother, someone. They will usually enjoy some time with the child and buy them a toy or two and ice cream or fruit. This the time you as Husband/Wife can do a few things together. Then we have one other course we need to do. Time alone. This when you/him watch the child and have some time with just the child. This gives the other parent some time to do whatever. Be it read a book, going shopping with friends, or in the man's case fishing. This just one way, and, both parents/spouses must work together to make it happen. Here it is listed for ease.
Time as a family (all of you children too.)
Time as Lovers (Baby somewhere safe, mom, brother/sister, close friend).
Time alone (child with one parent and other do whatever). This gets Rotated!!!!
2007-09-07 04:20:16 · answer #5 · answered by Snaglefritz 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have always said, the main thing to a great marriage is DONT STOP DATING!!! Eventhough your married and have a new baby, get a sitter and go out on a date, like old times, do this at least once a month..........I have a disabled child so I know all too well where ur coming from, my hubby passed away this year, but before he passed we would go out to eat EVERY FRIDAY, like made that a tradition, would even make it a fmaily night and on a rare occassion, we would go by ourselves. Get out alone without the kids is best bet once a month, spice up your relationship.........hope this helps?
2007-09-07 04:08:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everybody falls out of love in a relationship but still love each other. It is normal for the feelings to go away. Some things might be to reenact the first date or just go out to a fancy restaraunt. Doing somethign with the kids might also help. Have move night. Double date with friends. Time apart sometimes might also helpt he relationship grow.
2007-09-08 06:19:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just hang in there.. I have an 11 month old and I know how you feel. My husband and I have realized that things are not going to be "like they were before"... and we just have to work harder to find that "us" time. At least once or twice a month we try to do something together.. go out to eat.. SOMETHING! On the other hand, he has guy time and I have my girl time too. You have to find that balance. God bless you and just know that you are not by yourself on this. You know y'all both love each other just as much as the first day you met.. but now you just have even more in your family to love!!
2007-09-07 04:13:31 · answer #8 · answered by jenadee_01 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am pregnant with our first child and my mom has a lot of sisters and the majority of them are divorced. They said their relationships started going downhill after they had a baby. They said they spent too much time only living for the baby. One of my aunts who is going on their 20 something anniversary told me to ALWAYS make time for each other. No matter how busy you two are. There is always time. It could be a late night movie, early breakfast together before anyone is up, a simple walk in park, a small lunch date, or a weekend away together. Always always always make time for each other. You're not just living for the baby, you're living for your entire family and to make it work you two need to make time for the both of you.
2007-09-07 04:11:23 · answer #9 · answered by mrs.russell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been throught this... Its hard to get back what you had before. The focus changes from eachother to the new addition. I would suggest having a date night at least once a week for the two of you to be able to focus on eachother only.. No talking about baby, work or stress. I hope this helps.. Good luck =)
2007-09-07 04:51:27 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet T 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋