Registry question?

Question

I've been dreading this for months now, but its finally time for my fiance and I to create a registry. People have been asking us incessantly where we are registered, and I just can't put it off anymore. I'm really thankful that our guests want to be so generous, but the thought of registering makes me nervous. Its such a touchy subject and can easily be taken too far or abused by so many people and I really don't want to be one of them. There are specific things we need for our home like dishes (a lot of ours broke when we moved) and new linens and towels. All of our kitchen stuff is hand-me-down as well and a lot of it is well overdue to be replaced. I'm worried though, about registering for things we think we need, but don't actually need. Since we're both just starting out and stuff, we aren't really sure how to approach this. I'm not a greedy person, and I don't want to overdo it just to fill up spots on the registry. As a guest, what turns you off about a registry? Cont. below..

For the already married or engaged, what did you find that you registered for that you never actually used and what did you find most useful? I'm asking because I want to make this process as easy and unpretentious as possible and I don't want to give my guests the wrong idea. I cherish the people I have invited to our wedding and I don't want to do anything to make any of them uncomfortable. Since I've never done this before, though, I'd like a little advice so I'll know better.

Also, because we live in SC, but my fiance's family lives all over the state of NY (everywhere but the city) we decided we should choose stores that are easily accessible for everyone. Does this sound like a good mix? Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, and JCPenny. We decided to go with JC Penny because a lot of his family lives in a remote mountain town in the Catskills and JCPenny is the only department store within a 15 mile radius. I don't know anyone who has ever registered at JC Penny. Anybody know anything about their policies, etc.?

Answer 1

First off, don't panic.

There are things you need and nice things you want but won't get for yourselves. These belong on a registry list. It's only abuse if you choose nothing but wildly expensive things based on the pricetags.

So, sit down with your guy and decide what you need. Your dishes broke, and dishes are a classic wedding gift. Either register for replacements of the pattern you already have or choose a new pattern and register for that. Register for newer, nicer pots, pans, cooking utensiles, and small appliances that you can use. Sheets and towels are always good to register for.

People love to give dishes and kitchen stuff for weddings. They also love to give linens. But don't be afraid to put a few decorative items you really love on there as well, or something few people think to register for but everybody needs like a nice clock.

Basically, the only ways to abuse a registry are to register for loads of silly things nobody gives as wedding gifts (candy bars, toilet paper, nothing but games for your Playstation) or to fill your registry list with the most expensive items in the store without regard to taste or usefulness.

What you want to do is choose things in a variety of price ranges, choose what you really want (don't register for the Sunbeam hand-held mixer just because it's less expensive than the KitchenAid stand mixer; choose the one that you'd prefer to cook with), and try to keep it under five pages unless you're inviting half the state of Ohio to your wedding.

As a guest, I don't even mind it when the couple has a few fantasy items on the registry (flat-screen TV, $250 gravy boat), so long as that's not all they've got on the list. Sometimes a group of guests will want to go in together on a gift, sometimes the couple just doesn't get the fantasy item. And while I put a pony on every letter to Santa, I never got one...but it didn't hurt anyone that I expressed the wish, and I always asked for more practical things, as well.

Just take a deep breath, take your honey to the store where you're registering, and make your choices.

Oh, and as soon as you get home, recycle those dratted cards the store will encourage you to include with your invitations. The fastest way to offend me with a registry is to include the information with the invitation. That's uncouth.

But nobody is going to get mad at you for needing new dishes or wanting a blender that doesn't tap dance across the countertop every time you turn it on.

So calm down, be thoughtful in your choices, and have fun.

Answer 2

Buckle up, honey, because you are in for A LOT of people telling you how awful you are for even suggesting a wedding registry. Personally, when I give someone a gift I want to make sure it's something they a)want or b)can use. If what you really want and need is a honeymoon, I don't have a problem with it. I'm a believer that experiences are always better than stuff anyway. I've happily bought off of traditional and honeymoon registries for friends. That being said, when you are 85 years old and have your children, grandchildren and possibly great grandchildren over to your house there is definitely something to be said about having a vase or something in the house you can say was a wedding gift. My grandparents passed away a few years ago and the few items they still had which were wedding gifts were absolutely cherished by the rest of my family. I'm not saying that you need to have a registry full of pizza cutters or napkins or whatever that you don't need - but a few nice pieces that might be heirlooms isn't a bad idea. I just kind of feel that, in 2011, it might be time for people to unclench a little bit and open their minds as to what is and is not 'acceptable'. The world is a constantly changing place and I don't really understand why some of these rules can't change with it a little bit.

Answer 3

I never registered for my wedding (it was a destination wedding, so I didn't feel it was appropriate since only a few relatives were going to attend), but here's what I did when I registered for my baby shower:

I went to the store, and just marked everything that caught my eye. Then, I went home and got online, and logged into my registry, and went through it more slowly, removing all the things that made me think 'what did I pick that for?' or the things that I knew I already had one of, but had marked anyway.

My college roommate did her registry much the same way for her wedding. She registered at WalMart and BBB.

I'm pretty sure the places you listed all have registries avalable online as well, so use that feature. You can remove things, like I did, or add things if you think of something later on. You can also check it and see what's been purchased, if you like, but that always felt kinda...sneaky to me, like I was peeking in mom's closet for Christmas presents. My roommate checked hers practically everyday, but she got really mad when the first thing purchased was a rice cooker, which her fiance had insisted on adding.

As a guest, what I hate most about registries is a poor selection. If nothing is under $50, and my budget is $30, then you're gonna end up with cash in an envelope from me. Or if all you register for is a tiny selection of plates and mixing bowls, I'm gonna get bored and just grab the first thing I come across that you marked.

This may get me a few thumbs down, but I like to gift things that I find fun or useful, too. As an example, if you register for a coffee maker, I'm not gonna buy it because I can't stand coffee. But I love to cook with the crock pot, so I'd definately take a look at it if you register for one of those.

I guess what I'm saying is, just because you only NEED new plates and towels, register for those appliances and things you WANT, too. Surely you're going to have enough guests that some of them could get the towels, and some could get photo frames and bed sheets and baking pans and all sorts of other things, too.

Answer 4

My system for registering is to register for those items that we really need but wouldn't buy for ourselves (we can buy our own towels, but it would be a LONG time before we bought new dishes otherwise). My fiance and I have lived together for over a year now, so we have a pretty good idea of what we need. What bothers me as a guest is when people only register for super-expensive items. You should try to have items on your registry in every price range.

Also, just as a tip, you generally are better off to register for individual pots and pans that you will actually USE instead of a gigantic set that doesnt include the things you need. Same goes for knives. And take into account what you'll actually need, use and have space for before you go bananas scanning kitchen appliances.

And remember, if you have a small registry, most guests will just bring cash. Then you can buy what you want later or use it for your honeymoon.

Answer 5

The only things that EVER bother me about a registry are as follows, in order of annoyance:

1. A bridal registry that includes items for their children.
2. Everything on the list is expensive. A good registry has a wide range of gifts, even cheap small ones. A lot of people like to buy those tiny gifts and give them together in a basket or something.
3. A registry that is either 100% online or 100% in-store.

Otherwise, what you're registering for doesn't matter. Better to register for more than you need than for not enough. But make sure that you do like everything you register for.

Answer 6

As a wedding guest, I love wedding registries! Thinking of a wedding gift is a tough task. You want to get the couple something that they need and will use, and you don't want to duplicate things that other people will give them. Have a registry to choose from helps out in both of those areas.

I just have 3 tips to make a weddings registry as polite as possible:

1. DON'T force it upon your guests! Don't ever put where you are registered on the wedding invitation. Enclosing a card in the envelope with the invitation is also rude. Registry information should only be given by word-of-mouth and only when asked. If someone asks where you are registered, you can politely say, "That is so nice of you to think of us! We've set up a registry at ______." You should tell your parents where you are registered so that they can also tell people if someone asks them.

2. DON'T ask people to spend a fortune! You need to have a wide range of prices in your registry. That way people can choose something that is within their price range. It's also a good idea to include gift cards on your registry. That way, even if a person can't find something in their price range, they can always give you a gift card that you can spend on any items that you didn't receive.

3. DO send a handwritten personalized thank you note for every gift received. After a guest has given you a gift, the only gracious way to accept it is to thank them for their generosity. Each thank you note should acknowledge what you received and tell them that you appreciate the gift. It's also a good idea to send a thank you note to people who attend the wedding but don't give a gift. These people took time out of their day to celebrate with you and might have also spent money traveling or on a hotel. They deserve to be thanked as well.

If you do those 3 things, I can't imagine that anyone would be offended by your gift registry. Have fun!

Answer 7

I'm at the same point as you! Registering can be scary. My rule of thumb has been to put whatever we need on the registry, and try not to put too many things we want. Right now we live in a small apartment, with not a lot of kitchen stuff, old dishes, etc. These are things people expect you to register for. The only thing that really bothers me on registries is when all the items are really expensive. I am trying to put items I need that are under $50, because I know a lot of my friends can't afford expensive gifts. Also, go online to get a feel of what you want before you go to the actual store to scan your items. I have my preliminary list all ready to go! Good luck and have fun! :)

Answer 8

Hi, I hope you don't mind me saying it, but I love your questions and answers.

I'm married for the third time, but I only did the registry once - the third time I got married (the first time was in another country, and the 2nd time we eloped - no wedding). We were registered on Amazon.com, and it was convenient for us and for the guests. We had a lot of the "necessities" already - like dishes, towels, etc; so we registered for a lot of "extras" - an ice cream maker, a waffle maker, video games, books, even a guitar. Unfortunately, no one got us the guitar, but we got the ice cream maker, and we love it (especially my husband). We got some really nice coffee-table books, too, and a video game we both love. I also really like the bakeware set that a friend got me, I use it all the time. We didn't have that many items on our registry, as we had a small and informal wedding - but everything we got, we enjoyed. Go ahead and register at a place of your choice, and start adding items you like. You can create registries at 2-3 different places, just to see which suits your needs best - then pick one that you like better. Congrats.

Answer 9

Really this is what people want you to do! When we went to register we just clicked on anything that we saw that we liked. I mean, we started off with nothing. So when we registered we were putting decorations for our house, dishes, bathroom supplies, etc. Just anything and everything we needed or liked. We didn't worry about the amount of things we were putting on there because you never know how much someone will want to buy for you.

I only say that because we had cousins that got together and they spent almost $300 on stuff for us. Then there were people who went out and got the smaller things on the list that were cheaper. We wanted to have some expensive things for the people who went together on the gifts and then some cheaper things for the people who just wanted to make it easier (and like me most of the time doesn't have enough money for something expensive).

A bigger list also means that they have more to pick from. When they go to the store they want to look at the things you have picked and pick something out that they like too. Something they want to give you.

I think it also depends on the amount of people. A small wedding then you will most likely not pick out as much, because there won't be enough guests to buy the stuff. We had a big wedding (3 churches, over 60+ cousins, our aunts & uncles, tons and tons and tons of people). So our list was HUGE.

Answer 10

I would go through the things that you have at home. Make a list of things that you really need. You could never have to many towels or sheets. Only register for the things that are needed. You and you fiance are going to be starting a new life together so start it off with a few new things. For your room you and him pick out a bed set you like together. Both of you pick out a set of dishes you both like. If your appliance are old register for new ones that will last. Take your time...