If you were my parent, would you permanently punish me for this until I became an adult?

Question

I used to run track in 9th grade, & there was this bully who used to pick on me CONSTANTLY & trip me in the hallways every single day, & no one did anything about it. So she tripped me on the bleachers & thought it was funny, trying to prove her friends a point, & I almost fell off & sprained my ankle. So I turned around & knocked her sunglasses off of her face. I almost went to jail but she didn't because she got her friends to lie for her as fake witnesses. As a result, the coach kicked me off the track team & not her, & my former foster mom punished me from playing sports until I turned 18. She wouldn't even let me play soccer in 10th grade. I dreamed becoming a track star, & now I'm all obese & out of shape. Would you have punished me permanently? If not, what would be the consequence you'd give me? I'm asking this in case if I have kids, I want to know the proper way a kid should be disciplined in this situation. I also have Tourette's Syndrome & couldn't resist retaliating.

Answer 1

no what happened to you was deliberate and cruel and there's no excuse for that , I'm from a more tolerant nation and i wonder why people go to court for as little as broken glasses here! As far as i can see it was only a little teenagerish brawl and u reacted after being constantly picked on ...it was natural. no matter what syndrome u have. Also think you ought to have informed the school authorities of this bullying which might have made them understand ur reaction better. But whats done is done , its good to see that you are being objective about this in lieu of ur future kids. And as your experience would have already taught u , remorse is the best recourse . As long as we can make our kids realize whether their actions were rational or not , we need not fear them repeating it or punish them for it needlessly. And by the way whats stopping you from getting into shape now ? Dont let this thing mar your whole life. The best way you can teach your kids is to overcome this thing and get back your life that could have been . Kids are best inspired by how parents tackle the situation themselves and turn it around . Go get them girl.

Answer 2

I would have let you play sports as soon as the school allowed. Your punishment would have been at home, like being grounded. It does however sound like you are making excuses, and that never helps a situation. Track is the type of thing that you can do any day...on your own. Get out there and start training, the weight will come off and you can try and get back into the sport. Also, I'm not exactly sure if Tourette's would make you punch someone. I think it's okay that you punched her, but when you do it on school property it is an entirely different story!

Answer 3

Perhaps your foster mother felt that since you have little control over retaliation that other players were safer if you didnt play. However I personally would not have punished you in that manner-you would have still been off the team since the coach kicked you off and you still would have had to deal with the law but I also would have you in some therapy to help you learn how to deal with relationships when you have Tourettes- your anger is obviously out of your control. You need assistance to learn how to do that.
HOWEVER: your obesity is your own responsibility- you can get up and exercise, im sure you can even run somewhere near your home-you can keep in shape so that when an adult you can once again do these things. Work hard in school so you can go to college - they run track there too!!

Answer 4

I don't think the problem is what you did, sports is about being tough in the first place. Both you and your rival were acting naturally, as far as I see it. The whole idea behind sports and competition is proving yourself as the alpha. The problem is today's modern society. The libs want everyone to be weak and hand them the power. They want you to be docile, they want your parents and the faculty of the school to force you into being docile. I'm glad that the reason you ask is to prepare yourself for parenthood, so I'll be straight with it, you should not have been banned for so long. A while, maybe, to learn (or remind yourself) to properly focus your aggression. I strongly suggest you talk this over with your parents and faculty. Raise your health concerns and self esteem concerns to them, let them realize the punishment has grown worse than was thought, and is having serious repercussions; and ask them to reconsider. It's the road to recovery you will need. Fight for the right, think of it as another competition.

In regards to the girl who tripped you and got away with it, I know you don't want to hear it, but at this point, you can't change it, accept it and move on. I hate to tell you this, but it won't be the last time in your life you'll see someone do this. All you can do is think forward!

Answer 5

If you were being bullied and you struck back, and this was the first time you got in trouble, I wouldn't punish you indefinitely. If you have a history of getting into trouble then I would react differently. I think if I was your mother and you told me you were being bullied, I would go to school with you, as well as talk to your teachers, coach and principal to make sure the bullying came to an end. It's hard to say when we're not there but going on the information you have given, it sounds like the adults in the situation overreacted. Your last sentence does concern me though. You need to control your temper and not use your condition as an excuse.

Answer 6

I would have grounded you from the computer, and TV, and friends, how long would depend on how bad the girl looked, to get in trouble with the law, it would have to been more than just knocking off her sunglasses.
I would never take sports away, as sports teach discipline, hard work. You need to maintain good grades, and behaviors to stay on the team. I encourage sports for kids to stay on the straight and narrow.

Answer 7

I am not a 'hitter.' Frankly, I can tolerate a 'swat' if a child reaches for something on a hot stove; or reaches into a fan. However...I am concerned that a lot of questions on Y/A are from S&M-type folks who 'get off' on bare-bottom spankings of their children. That is not good! Get your spouse to consent to a 'bare bottom spanking.' If your spouse enjoys it; and you 'get off' on it; then everybody is happy! And you do not have to involve a small child in your "pleasure!" The small child will appreciate this, as well!

Answer 8

As salaamu 'alaikym, my friend.

First, you could have been exercising by jogging, etc. without being on a team. So it looks as though you are punishing yourself.

Gaining weight from not exercising is part of the problem. Over eating, something you chose to do, is another piece of the puzzle. Being today to manage your diet.

If you are in a foster home, you undoubtedly have a case worker with whom you could have spoken regarding the incident, the proposed consequences, your wish to continue to take part in sports, etc. That mght have been a wise course of action.

I assume that you have completed you probation or are completing it. Use your probation officer to help you resolve this problem as such is what they are there for.

Hopefully, you have already learend that violence in any form seldom if ever resolves issues or solves a problem. In the future, avoid such persons even going well out of your way to do so if necessary.

Inaha'Allah, I would have discussed the situation and the events of the same with you so as to assist you in learning from the same. I would have tried to help you figure out a way in which you could avoid a re-occurrence of such and avoid trhe problems that resulted from the same.
Another possible solution for your sports ambitions would have been to find a private track team that would accept you, or a sports league for soccer.
It would also have been a possibly better idea to have given you the opportunity to accept responsibility and demonstrate that you can handle the same. This would have helped your self esteem as well as provided many learning experiences for you.
My daughter is nearly seven years old and I have never punished her. We work together to resolve issuses, make amends for mistakes, clean up after an accident and learn from the same. I also help her to practice learning how to make good choices and decisions. Insha'Allah, it appears to be working well and she is growing to be an intelligent, responsible and caring young lady of whom I am very proud.

Another avenue for you is to speak with your imaam, priest, rabbi or pastor to see if he or she might be able to help you resolve the issues that have arisen. If you don't have any of these person, then we have discovered another prolbem/issue. the morality and ethics taught in religions such as Islam are very positive, life enhancing and life enriching. It is my personal belief that we all need to come to realize our relationship with God (whether or not you address God as YHWH, Trintity Father/Son/Holy Spirit or Allah, Subhanna wa Ta'ala) and activley pursue the same.

Tourette's syndrome, according to the DMSR Volume 5 involves burst of inappropriate speech and, you do have a choice in this matter, too. Speak to your therapist and clinical pshychologist so as to find classes that will assist you in controlling your outburst. Don't choose to be a "victim". Take control of yourself while following all medical orders and directions, participating in classes and not putting yourself in a situation where you might well end up in trouble.

Ma'a salaam.

Answer 9

♥ I would absolutly not punish my child like that. I would have definetly looked into the situation more. You were not at fault in this situation and its a horrible thing that you were blamed for it. You were ridiculed everyday and no one did nething for you.... it sounds like your foster mom, coaches, teachers, etc needed to pay more attention to the situation. Good Luck!

PS~ I'm sorry you went through this.

Answer 10

I dont think I would have punished you if I knew you were a good kid and were the one telling the truth.