Help!I never told my fiancee that i had a son from a prior relationship.I did not tell him because i was embarrassed since i got pregnant when i was 20 yrs old by an ex.bf during a fling and gave birth right before i turned 21 yrs old.It was awful my ex.bf had been my first real bf ect.. so i trusted him but he never mentioned his new gf.I was humiliated by all the drama it caused.Five months after i gave birth i met my current bf now fiancee when i returned to college we became friends and study buddies.Another 5 months later we started dating casually.Originally when we first started dating i just omitted this fact because it was the beginning of the relationship and i did not want to scare him away.Now its 3.5 year later and i still have not told him and it was implied that my son is my brother a fact i did not contradict!I feel really guilty how do i tell him this i never meant for this to go this far?
2007-09-07 01:41:42 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My friend,
It pays to have dreams. It pays to appreciate what you have while you have it instead of always looking at what could happen. As human being we will make mistakes, and we have. Each person is different, each ever after is different. yours is decided. But they don’t have to define who you are. There are things that happen that simply don’t need to be analyzed and won’t make a bit of a difference ten minutes, hours, days, or years from now.
Tell him the truth and be proud of your kid and never hide your son for anyone. He if really truly loves you, he will stay with you but be honest and clear. Communication is the first key that you need to used for the future and keep you out of trouble.
Wish you enough.
2007-09-07 02:00:44 · answer #1 · answered by TRANSLOPEDIA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are serious about this guy, then you do trust him. Especially since you've been through a rough relationship before, you not a "newbie" at love. So you've obviously seen better characteristics in this guy that your previous boyfriend did not have.
Though you should have been right upfront with him, after recovered from the shock of now finding out, he should be able to understand why you didn't tell him.
Then again, even though YOU trust him, you're failure to be honest with him about this gives him reason not to trust you.
Good luck. I hope and pray it works out for you, but I also hope this teaches you a lesson about honestly and truthfulness.
2007-09-07 08:57:43 · answer #2 · answered by Randall W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, my suggestion is: If it doesn't come up because the child isn't with you now, bring it up as a kind of off-handed conversation while you two are cozy and happy. It might chance the mood drastically, but you'll have to enlighten him sometime before you get married. How the hell can you hide a major issue like that from a man you plan to spend the rest of your life with? You obviously haven't been completely comfortable with his opinions of you, or you would have told him as a 'friend' long before you two were a couple....come clean; if you don't, it will eventually ruin the relationship, if only because you were dishonest...
2007-09-07 08:51:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and tell him the truth ... a marriage cannot be based on a lie ... tell him that you did something when you were younger and have regretted but that its time he knew the truth.
Three & a half years is a long time to hide a child ... don't you spend time with your son?? who is raising him?? your mom?? Why did you introduce him as your brother?? doesn't he call you mommy??
Right now I'm more concerned for your son .. you've denied his existence and you've hid him from the man you love ... why didn't you give him up for adoption if you felt he was such a mistake???
I hope your fiancee forgives for lying but most importantly I hope you son does for denying him.
2007-09-07 08:48:02 · answer #4 · answered by emnari 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's time to tell BF the truth. Of course it's a big risk. Of course BF won't like it. Of course, he might walk out on you. Of course, of course, of course.
Which is why you didn't tell him up front in the first place.
So by lying by omission and letting BF think otherwise you've dug the hole a lot deeper than if you were just up front with him in the first place. That's the price you have to pay for dishonesty.
On the other hand, BF might just surprise you and turn out to not only be a fabulous man in your life - but a wonderful father to your son.
But the big thing is to screw up the courage to tell him the truth.
2007-09-07 08:48:23 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG I cant believe this ...doesn't it make your child feel bad to know that you let people think he is your brother....oh well you should tell him but how is the problem. When you tell someone something that you have hidden from them there is always a chance they will storm out or explode before you really have time to explain yourself. I would write a letter and let him read it while you are in the room...it is hard to interrupt words on paper. Tell him just what you told us. Fully explain yourself and the situation in the letter so that when he is done reading it he knows everything before he has a chance to get to upset....write a letter...rewrite the letter...and read it to yourself...make sure it says everything you want it to say. Who knows he may have figured it out by now anyway and is just wandering how long it will take you to tell him.
2007-09-07 08:56:28 · answer #6 · answered by smurfette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just tell him, hon. What he chooses to do with the information is not your responsibility. You can't spend the next 15+ years of your life pretending your son is your brother...especially not if he lives with you and you are raising him.
You really (first) have to decide whether you want to risk losing your boyfriend or risk having son grow up with the knowledge (and he WILL learn this) that his mother was ashamed of having him.
Blessings to you, Dear. This is a tough spot your in and pray for the wisdom and courage for you to do what is best.
2007-09-07 08:49:34 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs.M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hope your fiance' is a big boy! Just tell him straight out, let the chips fall where they may, wait for things to calm down(if they ever do) and then sort things out like grown ups. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he walks away it's probably for the best, you wouldn't want to start your married life out on a lie would you?
2007-09-07 08:51:41 · answer #8 · answered by Debra d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in such a mess with this that you have to tell him - old cliche is that if he really loves you he will stand by you but be prepared for major hurt feelings and instant retaliation - but you have to ask yourself if you could live with this & what about your son - why is he not the most important thing in your llife. Okay you made a mistake - nobody is perfect but why is he being made out to be responsible and relegated to not having you as his mum?
2007-09-07 08:50:48 · answer #9 · answered by Lexie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are just going to have to come clean and accept the consequences, I would be furious if someone had a child and did not tell me for even a few months. I knew my current boyfriend had a child before I started dating him. (I knew before we even went on our first date) How can he trust you if you were never open about things in the first place? I hate to sound harsh, but thats crazy. I hope it all works out for you.
2007-09-07 08:47:21 · answer #10 · answered by prettykitty0829 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋