Bereavement?

Question

I need to phone a relative who has recently lost a son under very sad circumstances, what do I say to them? How do I start the conversation.

Answer 1

You are so sweet trying to find the answer to this question. Very difficult,and I am sorry for your families loss.

I am a mum who lost her son last year.
One thing which happened and through talking to others in my position found it to be very common, was that I found it some days very hard to talk about it and then I got very angry because i found my family wouldn't talk about it to me, and I felt they were ignoring my son and trying to forget he had died. My emotions were up and down. i wanted to talk about my son, but found people changing the subject rather than welcoming it.

You are obviously a kind and caring sensitive person and are willing to talk if necessary so think the best thing you can do is.


Please Don't ask if they feel better now or how they are feeling. this is an insult and such a difficult question, they will never feel better and will always feel sad about this loss. It isn't a thing which can be fixed. the pain just get's less raw over time.
I think the best thing you can do is don''t believe you can fix their pain, accept that there pain is a natural feeling they have, and just let them share how they are with you . You could
Offer to just listen. Encouraging them to talk about there son and things they are doing in memory of their son.
Ask can tell you something about their son.
Ask a question about their son.
Don't be afraid if they cry and don't try to stop them crying. It is so sad what has happened and they should be allowed to cry-this will help.

When you phone it could go like this, obviously I don't know how close you are to this member of family but you get my drift.

Hi XXXX. I heard about (son) I am so very sorry. It's so sad. i just wanted you to know I was thinking about you.

They will proably just say thankyou.

Then you could say something like.
I really enjoyed meeting/spending time/talking to/ playing with/ .
I feel so sad/ sorry he has gone
You must miss him so much.

Try to be truthful but memories of your feelings and things you did with that person are a good starting point. Hpefully you will get a feeling if that person wants to talk. If they don't feel like talking. Ask them if they want to talk. If not. tel them you are always there and will call back in a few days.

Just knowing you are there an they can call you if they need a. Is very important. Losing a son is a very lonely place.

Good Luck XXX

Answer 2

As a mother who lost her son under tragic circumstances, I can only say phone her and see how the conversation goes. I remember how people used to avoid me because they just didn't know what to say to me, which was so hurtful. So you could start by saying something like... I am so sorry to hear the sad news....... I am here any time you want to talk.

Answer 3

When my husband died people would avoid me because they did not know what to say. I would have welcomed a phone call from them to see how I was. A neighbour sent me a card with a colourful patchwork cat on it to tell me that she was there if I needed her and to her a call if I needed anything or just a chat. The cat on the card made me smile. I don;t like sympathy cards and asked the people who were close to me not to send one to me. When someone passes away, I always wait until a week or so after the funeral is over, when everything has calmed down and then I go to see the bereaved person with a bunch of flowers for them, not for the funeral. Shock of the death and funeral arrangements take up all your time and energy and then everything just stops and goes quiet and people then get on with their own business and you don't see them again for a long time. I am sure your relative would welcome a visit or phone call from you. Just do it! You cannot rehearse a speech, just speak from the heart.

Answer 4

It is really important to call although not very nice, as long as you are caring which shows in the first place with ringing I'm sure they will be pleased to hear from you. Let them know that you are thinking of them and if yu can be of any help in anyway to let you know. It is always terrible for someone to lose a son/daughter as its not the natural way to go, we (parents) always think that are children will out live us as this is how it should be but unfortuanetly is not always the case. Phoning will be caring and suppotive to your relative in the true time of need. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Dont prepare anything cos it'll sound rehersed.. as someone who lost her dad when I was ten, my best friend when I was 19 and a baby... the calls most appreciated by me where when people would just say something along the lines of

"hi, its .... I've been thinking about you and needed to give you a call to just let you know how much .... touched my heart, how much I admired them, how proud you must be of them and how that I will hold them close to me forever and keep you in my prayers'

theres no right thing to say, but the worst thing is to say or do nothing, I found people were scared to mention it and that hurt more than anything... it was like they were denying my pain.

The old, 'if theres anything you need ever' too is quite touching...if its actually meant..

The important thing is, remember them not just now, but at times like christmas, birthdays, sundays (you know, people move on, but relatives never entirely do...)

Answer 6

Just make sure she knows you are there for her if she needs you; sometimes just being there is enough; just to listen to her, and to give her a shoulder to cry on. If you live close by then perhaps you should go to her house and simply give her a hug saying "I'm so sorry" when she opens the door.

This link may be of some use to you;
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/bereavement/bereavement.aspx

Answer 7

Say: Hello, I was just thinking about you so I thought I'd give you a ring and see how things are going

You will know where the conversation will go from how she replies.

I would ring her though. Maybe lots of people feel like you do and aren't ringing and maybe now she needs to know that her friends still are thinking of her and pick up the phone.

Answer 8

I would tell them that you're sorry for their loss, you're thinking about them, ask if there's anything you can do to support them and tell them you're their for them.

I'd avoid asking too many questions about the death etc as people tend to share information as and when they're ready and until you've had an initial conversation you wont know how comfortable they are talking about it so, let them take the lead on that.

also don't worry about it too much, they'll probably just be pleased that you called at all. they wont expect you to know all the right things to say as no one ever does in these situations

Answer 9

Just call and express your concerns about them and how they are feeling now. Mention that you are thoroughly feeling sad for their loss and that you hope the good memories of the lost son will always be with them. Something like this i guess.

Answer 10

frequently, a employer that provides bereavement leave does so as a gesture to the worker. Charging the day without work as ill leave is somewhat off the overwhelmed course. i could recommendations-set your HR individual and spot if it replaced into basically keyed in incorrectly.