How should i deal with calculative, judgemental, mean and selfish relatives ??

Answer 1

Avoid them if possible, Ingore their comments as best as you can and when forced to be with them, be as cheerful and pleasant as possible (it will drive them absolutely - Nuts).

~

Answer 2

I know it can be tough. My husband's family is very different from mine. My parents are formerly educated (my father went to graduate school. It was not considered a master's degree 40 years ago, but it is now. So he has the equivelant to that.) They're both of the upper business community of their communities, well spoken, articulate, well mannered, etc. On the flip side, my husband's family is of the basic working class. (My husbnad is the first of his siblings to have been graduated from college and the first to get a master's degree. He is in both the school and the program that my father was in [it's now Master's of Divinity; I don't know what it was when my dad was here] and will be the first to get a master's.) His family does things that would be considered almost sins in my family-- Yell at each other from room to room or up and down the stairs; Use disposable plates on a daily basis becuase they don't want to wash dishes (that's just a crime against nature; They don't even have a matching glass set, just random plastic fast food cups), theparents have table manners that my parents curbed me of when I was a child; I did not quickly warm up to my older sister-in-law she is what some would call "common".

Yet, I love my husband and wondered how he turned out well. He still has some things to work on (I'm not perfect either), but has realized and learned that given the "status" he will have, he has to learn these things. I still point out some things, to him and he helps me with things.

I have found ways to relate with them because I have to. Even if I just speak to them with the same polite friendliness as what I would with somebody at the grocery store, it's something.

Killing them with kindness, respect and a strong, straight backbone might just be effective. If they realize they can't best you, they might get bored.

Answer 3

I have a very simple rule that i go with on this. I like to put things in perspective. here it is: Remember that your family is composed of human beings, people. They are people just like your neighbor, the guy at the store, the lady who just cut you off on the road, etc......Just because they are related to you does not give them a license to be a jerk. What would you do if some guy at work was acting like this? Would you tell them off, would you never speak to them again? Try thinking of your family like this in these situations. And above all else be honest and upfront, it is the more difficult road, but in the end the best path.

Answer 4

This is tough and not tough for me to answer.. been around so many in my life...
Scriptures say to : turn the other cheek... basically forgive and move on. However....
i learned for individuals as these, it only tends to enhance their premise to be even bigger and worse at what they do.. and, since their behaviors show by action they don't care about anyone else but themselves., contrary to their periodic verbal outrages they are not such.. Have you noticed how they seem to eventually gather in packs??? anyway....
So, even though i love them dearly.. i know, go figure..
another scripture: Love the sinner not the sin.. anyway..
I have learned it is so true, as another scripture says : to love my neighbor as myself...I needed to exit stage right, and i am out of there... in peace and sanity and not putting up further in my wiser years with the immature antics of the past.. to be in my present.. thus loving myself as they love themselves.. but now in peace.
Others advise to me has always been to " put the past behind me" , so i figure i finally am...
I don't need to feel bad either.. I know i tried everything i could to make nice, be peaceful and respectful, in spite of. You can only change you , not others..
So if they ask, tell them your spending a lot of time reading a Good Book.... but, remember .. if they do ever in this lifetime, change .. do forgive and let them back in..
good luck....

Answer 5

Are they around a lot or are you going to a Family Reunion?

If it's a one time visit, ignore them and be short. Don't be fake and act like you like them.

If it's all the time, try to find ways to avoid them or straight up telling them not to be around. If they're around under the invite of another, ask that person if they'd mind iof they didn't show up. Always look at the circumstances of everyb situation to tell you if you're in the right or not about them.

Answer 6

Are we related??????
Pray for them. That's the only advice I can give you. If you know you are doing right by your own family ( spouse. children) that is all that truly matters. Their opinions to me are just that THEIR OPINIONS.
Opinions are only wanted when asked, unsolicited advice is unwelcome.
As far as them being judgmental give them this to chew on,
" Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" Matthew 7:1-3
I have a lot of judgmental family and friends. Maybe the next time they say something to you about whatever, simply say, " your advice is not wanted and before you give me advice on my life, perhaps you should look in your own backyard."
That's the best I can give you. There will always be those kinds of people, you just have to be better than that.
Good luck!
Jeanna

Answer 7

Be yourself. Be honest. Do not second-guess them and do things the way you think will please them. Do not be be mean just because they are mean. Do not be selfish just because they are selfish. If you let them dictate the terms of the relationship and the terms of dealing with you, you will eventually be destroyed as a person. No one will be able to break you if you remain true to yourself. If they don't like the way you deal with them, do not be bothered.

Life's like that. Life is short for you to bother with them.

Answer 8

Be nice to them; because they are your relatives but make it crystal clear that you are not a child and you are an independent, mature person who decides what is wrong or right in life. End of the day it will be only you that will live your life not your relatives.

Answer 9

I know people are saying to ignore them, but i say endure the pain however brutal it may be. visit them and treat them nicely when they come to visit. you don't have to do anything else aside from the mandatory meetings and greetings, but it is always a good thing to have pleasant ties with relatives. because unlike friends, you can't just stop being relatives with them.

Answer 10

It is not an easy thing to do, but just think positively about them!! Just know that they are different from you, and they have their own way to deal and handle things. They express themselves differently and although it is not the way you would react, that is them. If they insult you or hurt your feelings, then it is different, then you must kick them in the b*tt (HE he he he) If they do hurt you in any way, just stay calm and tell them you don't like or appreciate the way they treat you or speak to you. Good luck, and just remember that you are better that anyone!!!

Answer 11

IF they do not have anything positive to offer in a relationship with you then show them the door and keep them out of your life.
IF they do offer something positive to your life and this is just the other half then you need to sit down and have a heart to heart.
Rules need to be laid out, ___, ____, ____ are not allowed in my home. We do not treat people like that.
but be very clear which is sometimes very hard since most people who act like this normally have very fake conversations and its really hard to get them to have a real hard face to face talk.