My boyfriend has REALLY distroyed my life emotionally & verbally abusive ways i want to leave him BUT????

Question

I been with him for 3 years & i really want to leave him so soooo bad but i am worried that i will feel so so sad & lonely & wont feel upto doing anything? Everyone on here has told me to LEAVE A.S.A.P IMMEDIATLY but i just for some some reason cannot get the strength to do it & that brings me down even more i dont know why im like this im just worried how my life will be without him i have lost nearly fully ineterst in him because of how he has treated me i just havent got the full guts to leave FOR GOOD? Whats wrong with me & how do i get the strength to actually leave him for good???? Please who ever is reading this i need seriouse help here because iff i dont leave him soon i feel that i am just going to END my whole life i am already having suicidal thoughts because of how he has treated me & i also feel that iff i leave him for good i feel that all the stuff hes ever done to hurt me i feel that its just going to stay in my head & im not going to feel better even iff we brake up?

Answer 1

Jus me.
My ex did the exact same thing to me. He made me feel so worthless and useless. I was nothing without him. I was lucky to have him as no one else would want me. Blah. Blah. Blah.
But Gary wasn't just verbally and emotionally abusive. Every night and day was a woman's worst nightmare. I still can't say the words. But if he wanted sex and I said no. He said yes. If you get my drift????

I would lay there at night and plot just how I could leave? How I could cope with a new born baby on my own as I was worthless and hopeless apparently? Would I have enough money? How would I do it????
If you hear someone tell you are wothless and stupid, hopeless and ugly enough you start to believe them.

I too always found a reason why not to leave and keep on putting up with all that c..p. Death would have been my easy option but not an option at all as he was not to be left with our child.
But it all came to a crunch one day when he threatened to kill me and my Doctor for telling me where some Safe Houses were and who I could ring to come and rescue me.
Thank you so much Dr Churcher and C.A.S.A Ballarat for coming to my rescue. But thumbs down to the Police who thought I probably deserved it and was making it all up and left me sitting there crying.
It all boiled down to that one day for me.
Enough was enough.I had to leave. And I had to leave now.
It was crunch time. And you will find this too. One day it will be enough and you will suddenly decide "Now is the RIGHT time." Only you can decide when it's time to leave.

I can tell you I was never so scared in all my life.
But I carried my baby, a suitcase, some spare change (the only money I had as Gary had drunk and gambled it all away) and a change of clothes out that door. And I can tell you I have never, ever looked back and regreted it for a minute. Not one.

I, admit, I sat there that first night with only a radio for company on a freezing winter night in a caravan in an undisclosed area and cried and cried. Every song I heard on the radio made me think of what I had just walked out on. Hell.

I stood up to Gary. Got a Restraining Order and every time he steped out of line even a slight amount, I rung the Police and filed charges.
Gary was jailed for 6 months.
I got freedom. He had a nervous breakdown.

That feeling of not having to panic when your in the shower and you hear the door open. That feeling of being able to sleep without fear. That feeling of being so free and your own boss again was so worth it. That and sticking the boot into Gary.

Gary is now a convicted Paedofile (sp) 4 times over and is now the scum of society in Ballarat. He now hides in a Psych Unit too affraid to show his face because he is worthless and pathetic. It came around all he gave and came back at him threefold.

I have since leaving Gary become a Registered Nurse and have the most beautiful 12 year old son. And still revel in my freedom physically, emotionally and sexually. I feel so alive and love my life again.
It did take me only a short while after leaving to know it was so right. You do heal from leaving and recover. And become stronger for it.

Jus U. It's not just you. It's all the woman who have been there too. Please consider leaving. Plan it at night before you sleep. Ask your Doctor who can help you leave in an instant. Don't forget the Police are there to help you although some think it a joke. But only you can decide if and when it's time.

He is not worth killing yourself over as that will only make him think he is more powerful and right. And he is so not.

I feel for you jus u. Please take care. E-mail me if you would like through the site.
Please don't let him win. He dosn't deserve ANYTHING let alone you and your life.

Answer 2

First of all, you don't need to ask "what's wrong with me" , your feelings and fears are completely understandable. YOU DO NEED TO END IT. And try not to be afraid of feeling lonely-feeling down for a while would be a normal reaction, and you will bounce back. Maybe you wno't feel as bad as you think! You may feel relieved.
It's important that you get a strong support base--talk to family and friends that you trust--and do it soon and often, don't close up. They will help you find the strength you need, and will give you encouragement; don't go at this alone. Try to get some help from a therapist, too--they can be lifesavers! They will help you understand what's going on.

Answer 3

Friend you need to go now. You question yourself because he has abused you for so long. We think its easier to stay even if its a horrible relationship because at least we know what we are in for. Its horrible but comfortable. The unknown and starting over is scarey as ****. Take it from someone who has been down this road you need to leave TODAY!! It is going to be lonely and hard at first. But you will end up so much better and happier. BELIEVE ME!! YOU WILL MAKE IT!! Any man who abuses a woman doesnt love her, care for her, or respect her. Know matter how many times they apologize for their behavior. They are never truly sorry just manipulative. Leave him today and go find yourself again. I bet if I asked you whats something you like to do in your free time you couldnt even answer. Unwrap the brutal ties he has around you. Hold your head up high tell him you deserve better and walk the hell out. A year from now you will be so much happier.

Answer 4

Think about the good things between you and your boyfriend. Try to measure what is more important to you. Usually after some time in the relationship, people recognizes only the bad things and take the good things as usual matters or take it for granted. If you are really pissed off, then you should leave him. You probably will be better off by doing that.

Answer 5

Just leave and get on with your life. You may have some type of co-dependency problem that keeps you in this relationship. That may require some counseling in order to heal emotionally. Get out NOW. Take a stand for yourself. You deserve the love and attention you need and it will probably take some time to adjust to a life without abuse since that's what you're used to.

There's a good book out called "Real Magic" by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. He teaches you how to achieve happiness, health, success and prosperity in daily life through positive thinking and action. Perhaps you could find some good ideas on how to overcome your situation. Good luck!

Answer 6

I think one of the reasons you are afraid to leave him is that he has totally messed with your self esteem. It is never easy to leave an abusive relationship. after they have done their damage. Take heart that there are others out there just like you, feeling the same pain. The biggest. most important thing for you to know is that you are a brilliant, lovely, lovable person, who deserves better. This beast is not worth your life. It IS hard to leave someone, even if he is abusive, to go out into the unknown. There are so many places out there that can help you.
There will be alot of thoughts and damaging images in your mind.Abuse lasts for such a long time. There are clinics you can go to, to get counseling. Shelters for women, police departments, your doctor... all of these are great resources for help. The hardest step in your freedom is the first one. After that, it gets easier and easier. Yes, you will feel pain and loss and confusion, but, you will be stronger for it. My father abused my mother, she stayed with him, although it was a mental abuse. After his death, she went through something like post traumatic stress..having nightmares and memories attack her. She made it through though, with the help of her family friends and her church. That is another great place to seek help, a church.
Ending your life only means he wins. He has beaten you down so far you only see death as something soothing. It isn't , it is perminate, and it is NOT YOUR FAULT this guy is such a beast.
Leaving him for good, and going through the bad memories is a healing process. Your soul is being shattered, it needs to mend. You can do this, you are strong and good. You cannot allow this creep to take control of you. It is better to lean on a healthy relationship to get through the bad parts, one you can find with someone else, a friend, your preacher, doctor..
Think about how lovely you are, and how things will only get better. No more fear, no more worries,. no more self doubt. He isn't able to control your feelings. Do not hurt yourself. Do not let him win. Get out, find help. I know you can do this.
Women often feel it is their fault, they feel they cannot survive without the man to protect. Well, I am here to tell you that isn't true. You have already made a great start just by knowing this is a bad situation. Remember. baby steps. Find help. Go to a church, a police department, ask for help from anyone you can think of. Walk away..deal with what ever you need to,but get away. I am thinking about you, and hoping you are strong enough to fight for your life.
Blessings..
by the way, I am not a religious person, not in the way most are, I believe in different things, but I always know that there is a higher being there that is available to us. Someone or something to help us be strong when faced with such problems.
Don't give up on yourself. I won't give up on you,and I'll bet there are alot of people you know that love you and need you in their lives.
A hug to you and to Wendy, thank the Gods there are such wonderful, strong women out there.

Answer 7

THEN LEAVE ! I spent 10 long years with a woman that was emotionally & physically abusive to myself & her own children, she never got any better. It's a waste of time, they'll only drag you down into their quagmire, and there's no reason for you to put up with it. It's a very toxic mix for you & emotionally & mentally unhealthy to say the least...

Answer 8

Hi, I hope that i can give you two cents worth of my advice here. Firstly, weigh the unhappiness and happiness when you are with him. Which side holds the stronger weight? From your question, I can sense that you REALLY want to leave him but worried about your life without him. However, look on the brighter side. Perhaps you can find someone better than him when you leave him. Love and treat yourself better girl. I'm sure you deserve someone who will love and treasure you. this boyfriend certainly doesnt know how to love you. and his love for you is definitely not acceptable. try to find other hobbies to occupy yourself. try to break away from him slowly and cope with your life slowly without him. You can do it! It is not worthwhile to commit suicide bcos of him. you lead your own life, not him. :) speak to a counsellor if you need to. wishing you happiness and free from worries soon. :)

Answer 9

You need professional help with your issues not Yahoo Answers. If you can't afford it, every city or county has some kind of psychiatric assistance, even if you have to go to an Emergency Dept to get a referral for it. It appears that you have asked this question several times and won't do anything about it. It's no wonder that you are more depressed. Please seek appropriate help with a medical professional.

Answer 10

hello:)
I've read u'r story and all i can say is that i agree with u'r friends, they are right just leave him and start over again!
first i think u should try to recover u'r independence, u'r self respect and then u'll have the power to give this relationship up and gain control over u'r live!
if the guy doesn't respect u then he's not good for u! there are other men out there just waiting to meet u!!
so do something wise with u'r live and move on!
good luck!