my bf invited me to a wedding... he says we should give $150 for the gift, since he usually gives $100 when he

Question

goes to the weddings alone.... i think he's expecting me shell out the extra $50... he invited me to a couple wddings this year.. one of the couple he doesnt' even know that well... i do'nt want to sound cheap... but $50 a pop is a lot to give at a wedding to ppl i don't even know...how do i handle this? or how doi bring it up tactfully?

Answer 1

I don't get his "fuzzy logic" - you go as a "couple" and he invited you as his "date" for a couple that he knows - how are you responsible for the gift in any way? That's weird! The gift is plenty fine at $100 - tell him you'll bring a nice card for it to go into and that YOU have to spend at least 50 bucks getting yourself all dolled up for the weddings with hair, nails and outfits. (are you sure you want to date him - sounds cheap!)

Answer 2

When I invited a guest to a wedding I personally paid for them to attend the wedding by putting extra money in the envelope for them.
You can decline the invite and tell him that you will be unable to attend the wedding this time. If you decline the invite be prepared that he may be upset with you. There is no easy way to disappoint someone.
You have been willing to put money in an envelope for sometime now so he has learned to accept it. He will take your unwillingness to do it this time as a personal 'hit' against the relationship. You will need to reassure him that you still love him very much.

IF finances is really the issue in your life and you cannot afford it then i would tell him. IF you can afford it , but feel that you want to give what you feel is a good amount 'buy your own card' and put your own money in the envelope. Don't make an issue out of it. On the day of the wedding have a sealed envelope with a card from you with whatever amount you are willing to give. Smile and tell him "Don't worry, I have a card for them". Give him a kiss. I would put enough money for a dinner and a few drinks. Remember how much would it cost to go out for a nice dinner, dancing and drinks all night. Also you get to dress up for the event.

But remember: This could end your relationshiop! Is it really the money or do you feel he is controlling you and not allowing you to make the decisions for yourself?

Weddings are not cheap and can cost quite a bit. Is it possible that he is trying to cover the cost? If you go often to different weddings he is probably a little strapped for cash too. Really think about it before you go ahead and make any rash decisions!

Answer 3

Personally I never give $50 for a wedding gift, even family. I simply do not have that kind of cash. I usually go in with friends or family of around $25 and then depending on how many are going together for a gift, get an appropriate gift card from a store that we all know they will be using.

As to your question, be honest. Tell your boyfriend that you do not have that kind of cash for a gift to someone that you really don't know. That while you appreciate being asked to be his escort to the weddings, its just not appropriate for you (nor possible) to provide $50 to every wedding.

If he doesn't understand or feels that you are cheap, maybe this really isn't the guy for you. Personally I think that if he's invited you to the wedding and this is in all sense and purpose a date, and he normally pays for the dates then this isn't any different. He provides the money for the gift and if you wish, offer to contribute $20/$25.

Just be honest because this will probably only be the start of money discussions - if the dating turns more serious.

Answer 4

If the wedding(s) is for his friends who are getting married and you don't really know them at all, I don't think you should have to contribute -- and certainly not $50! I took my fiance to a wedding last year for a friend of mine from high school, and I certainly didn't expect him to contribute to the gift. I picked it out and bought it and signed both our names to the card. If these are his friends and he wants to give more since you're going together, tell him that's his decision; if you're feeling generous, offer to kick in $25 instead, but just nicely explain that you don't really want to put out that kind of money for people that you don't know, especially when there are several more weddings on the horizon. And honestly, $100 gift from a couple is not cheap at all, and I'm sure that will be a common amount and the bride and groom would appreciate it regardless. Be sure to clarify his expectations for the upcoming weddings too, that way you can get things squared away now. Good luck!

Answer 5

Yep, sounds like he's trying to make you pay the extra $50. $150 is a lot of money for a wedding gift anyway! Let alone people you don't know! Let him know that you think you should lower the gift price range. Even something to the bride & groom, such as a $50 gift card somewhere so they can buy what they need, will be appreciated. There is nothing that says you much spend at least $100.

Answer 6

To not give a gift - whether you know them or not - would be a bit rude. Gifts are not required, but it is a nice gesture of congratulations towards the couple. If you don't want to give $50 out of your own pocket, then you could suggest to your boyfriend that he go by himself. You should keep in mind, though, that if you don't know them that would mean they don't know you. Even though that is the case, they still allowed him to bring you and are having to pay for your meal during the reception. The least you could do if offer up some sort of gift. If you think $50 is too high, then let your bf give the couple his customary $100 and buy a small gift - from you - to go with the envelope ... it could be a nice silver picture frame, a kitchen gadget or just about anything else.

Answer 7

OK, let's define what is happening here. Your BF is a guest at this party, and his hosts are kind enough to allow him to bring along a guest of his own, to entertain at their expense. So the expense of a champagne dinner and dancing for the two of you is shunted off onto the host, but your BF would like to further cut his expenses by shunting off the cost of a thank you gift to you. (Can you say CHEAP?)

Tell him that you feel rather uncomfortable going to a wedding at which you barely know any of the peope involved. However, if he very much wants you to come, you will do so as a favor to him. Make it clear that you regard this as a chore, rather than a treat. The way you quash any notion that you will contribute toward a wedding gift is "And please don't expect ME to write the thank you letter -- it is YOU who were invited and so it is up to YOU to take care of the social niceties and thank your hosts on my behalf." Unless your BF is "as sharp as a bowling ball" he will infer that a lady who is unwilling to dash off a thank you note will be totally unreceptive to the idea of buying a thank you gift.

Men being men, he may well be "as sharp as a bowling ball" in social matters. If, after you have made have your position so clear, he nonetheless approaches you for money do this. If it is before the wedding, tell him "I'm already doing you a favor by going at all. If more than that is required, please count me out." If after the wedding, "Darling, I already did you the favor of attending and that's all I'm willing to do. If you have a problem with that, then please don't ask me again to accompany you to a wedding."

Answer 8

I agree with bluegirl6. If boyfriend asked you to go to this wedding as his date, then he should pay for the entire gift. If you had asked him to go to a wedding as your date, then you should pay for the whole gift.

But since these are his friends, then boyfriend needs to pay the whole $150. Be honest with him. Tell him that if you had asked him to attend a wedding with you, then you would take care of the gift. Tell him you expect the same courtesy. Explain that it is getting too expensive to shell out money on gifts for people you don't even know. Tell him either he pays, or you must decline his invitation.

If he gets mad . . . oh, well. Personally, I don't think losing his company would be too great of a loss. I cannot believe he has gotten away with pulling this stunt in the past for previous weddings! One invites a date, one pays for the date. It is as simple as that.

Answer 9

I understand. Especially if you don't know that person really well. Heck, you could be spending that extra pop on your little sister or brother who's been eyeing that jacket for a long time. Just remember that you are not obligated to give and if you do, it should be appreciated no matter how little. So go with what you feel is right? Put yourself in the bride and groom's shoes, would you like to receive something to invest in your future? Tell your boyfriend what I said...If he wants to give that much he can but that you'd rather save that money for yourself or your litle sis and will rather buy something cheaper as a gift. Remember anything and everything is appreciated, if it isn't, then forget it. At least you did something good.

Answer 10

Yes I believe $50 is a lot for you to pay if you don't or barely know them. Just tell him it's not fair to expect you to pay $50 if you dont know them. Maybe you can compromise and put in $20 and him $80 and just give them $100 gift. I don't think that is too cheap. People don't expect a huge gift so that would still be nice. or else her could just give his usual $100 and you put in nothing seeign as you don't know them. Good luck!