what to tell my 6 yr old son about his absentee father?

Question

Writing about 6 yr old son whose father I never told about the pregancy and birth because of his alcohol abuse and I am experiencing from my son a lot of interest and sadness because of the absence of that relationship. I cannot change my decision but I do not know how it is something I can make him understand and not suffer from. I am a successful partner in a law firm and I am able to provide for him without any assistance and he leads a full life.

Answer 1

there's no easy way to solve such a problem.... that said though, it'd be best to let him know as soon as possible, so he can grow up with the idea, rather than finding out later...

approach the situation slowly and cautiously... sit down with him... tell him if he's ever wondered about his father... start big though, with a lot of imagination.... you might want to end up saying something like

'daddy, left mummy because he didn't love mummy anymore, but I love you double as much!'

when he's older, you can explain to him more if need be.

Answer 2

That may be so but it cannot substitute for a father. I see why you did what you did but it was not right not to tell the father about your pregnancy. It might have been the very thing to change his life. In effect you manipulated the lives of both the father and the son to get what and where you wanted. You might have been right, but no one can see the future and the father had a right to know he was going to have a child.

That is all water under the bridge now. You have little choice but to tell the truth or as much of it as he can now understand. Whatever you say, make sure it is the truth because whatever you say this question is going to come up again when the boy is older and he is going to remember what you say now and see if it fits with what you tell him.

Answer 3

Everyone is too quick to say to tell him the truth, and although it's a worthy idea, he's still 6. So although you shouldn't lie, you shouldn't be overbearing either. There's no need to give him false hope or an alternate explanation to "soften the blow."

The best thing to do is not to tell him he doesn't or can't understand, but explain it the way a child would understand. For example, when a child asks how someone gets HIV, the difference between telling him it's by sharing a band-aid and telling him about unprotected sex is the age-appropriateness.

So for a 6-yr-old, start by first telling him how much YOU love him, then how much his daddy loves him, but that "daddy has to help daddy" for a while, and that the love you have with your son is all you both need until his dad can be a part of it.

It should be enough for him to understand at that age, and when he's older, if he needs more explanation, you can give him one more appropriate for his age.

Answer 4

Children this age understand but not quite everything be honest yet make the explaination simple. Remember children dont need to know every detail they just want an answer. Tell him his father has a disease (alcoholism is a sickness). He is an a insituation far away and you dont know where. You love him and you will always be there for him. When he is older and muture tell him the truth.

Answer 5

A 6 year old doesn't require a total explanation of where daddy is. I found thru my own experience with my child when she was around that age , that a simple half answer suited her. I told her , that sometimes grown ups love each other, but can't get along so we stay apart so she doesn't have to see us arguing and make her sad. I also told her that she was too young to really understand but that it wasn't her fault he wasn't around and when she was older I would explain alot more. Her father was gay and had no interest in anything but himself. That point has never changed. My daughter is 29 years old now, married with a family of her own and sucessful in her life personally and professionally.

Answer 6

Just tell him that it is a difficult situation to explain right now, and that you will explain the entire situation to him when he gets older. That is what I told my son. I finally told him about the situation when he was 16. He looked up his biological father, and soon realized that I did what was best for him.

If you want you can tell him a bit about the father. I told mine that if he had any questions about what he looked like, I would answer them. My son asked a few questions, and I answered them. I made sure that he knew that it was my decision, and that I was doing what I felt was best for him. My son has never held a grudge or had any bad feelings toward me. He says that it is because I never lied to him.

Answer 7

hello! i am in the same situation--sorta. my daughter is 14 and her father and i were never married and he passed away from alcohol overdose. she really never knew him, and to this day i have never told her the real Truth about him. i never wanted to put him down in any way---that only would have put myself down for being evolved. i tell her that he loved her and was a really Good person with a big heart (which is the truth). try to be as honest as a possible-- to the point of satisfying his curiosity, hope this helps!!!! vicki p.s. let him know the truth when he gets older and is able to understand a lot more

Answer 8

Just tell him the truth!!! Tell him that daddy wasn't very nice when he had alcohol and it made me afraid for you!! He will understand that if daddy were around we wouldn't be nice to him and he's better off without him!!:) Good luck!!:)

P.S. I would of told the father about his son!! He just wouldn't know any info on where we were!!! I would contact him to see if he went to rehab or is planning on going before he met his son!:)

Answer 9

do you know if your ex is clean and cleaned up his act forever....I mean its 6 years later and some people can change....as a lawyer couldnt you find out?What did you tell your son,the truth or what.....he deserves to know about his dad.My boyfriend ran out of me when I was pregnant and my daughter doesnt know him but i told her the truth from early age and now she is 9 she doesnt have any need for him in her life....so maybe because your boy doesnt know anythingh he will fantasice and make his father into this perfect guy....so set him straight a litle bit the best you can.....but I would find out if the ex is maybe still worth it to be included in your childs life,it hasnt got anything to do with finance but with desire and hope....i CAN understand your son feelings,unfortunately i found out in family-court my ex doesnt want any contact with his child so if there would be a chance I would take it....

Answer 10

won't be able to you shop your grandson whilst the dad does this? If the father takes his son, the boy must be traumatized and effected for existence. it fairly is fairly severe, do no longer enable that be on your huge conscious. If I have been you, i might do something to end this problem from occurring. you have a stable values gadget, do what's solid.