Is anyone else out there afraid to let their child go to daycare?

Question

I am terrified to let my four year old son go to daycare/babysitter/school/etc. The only person that has ever watched him is my parents, and that is not often. He never spends the night, on his own accord. I just love him so much and feel that NOBODY could watch him like i do. Who would be as protective as his mother?? He is everything to his dad and I. I am scared to death that i would let him and something would happen to him. I already dread kindergarten.
I know alot of it stems from being such an insecure child myself. I know he needs more time with other kids, but it is a real phobia that i am going to let him out of my sight and something bad is going to happen to him.
Any ideas and has anyone else ever dealt with it?

Answer 1

WOW, I'm going through this right now. My son needs speech therapy, and he's turning three in October which means the school district will take over his education. He will have to go to preschool, and there are buses that can pick him up. You should have seen my face today when the gal (his speech therapist), told me about the buses that will come and pick him up at the front door. He will only be gone for a couple of hours, (after he starts school when he turns three), but the anxiety in me raised up, and my fear of letting him go is taking over me. Only my mom has watched my son, even over night. I have a couple of friends here, but no one I will leave my son with. One of my friends offered to watch my son over night while my husband and I went off on an overnight stay at a resort...I said to myself...OH NO...and I never took her up on her offer. I can't even leave him with her for a few hours because like you said...no one will care for your child as much as you do. No one will think of things like you would. With letting your child go to daycare, a lot of separation anxiety comes from the parents. My son's speech therapist was a preschool teacher and she told me that even the kids that are clingy to their parents end up ok within the first 10 minutes. The key is to make the goodbyes short and sweet, and let them know that you'll pick them up when school is over. My gut turned and is still turning. I'm afraid of letting my son be in the hands of someone else. Someone else will be in charge of my son's life/well being. That scares me. Even my husband. But my son needs this and I have to be strong enough to let him go and explore. My parents live out of state, and we don't have family here that is convenient to help us. We don't even have an emergency contact if the school can't get a hold of us. How is that going to work out? I'm glad I read your question and I'm glad I'm not the only one having these thoughts. I don't have any ideas for you, I'm sorry. But I am feeling the same way you are. I'm getting ready to face my fear come the end of October/beginning November and if you'd like to contact me and ask me how I'm dealing with it then, please feel free to do so. :-) Take care...

Answer 2

I went through the same thing with my son. He is an only child and I have been a stay at home mom since the day he was born. When he was 3, I really wanted him to get social interaction without going in a daycare setting. There is an awesome Methodist Pre-school in our community that has a great reputation (and my brother had even went there when he was a kid). So I enrolled him there and it was the best thing that ever happened to my little man. It made him open up and he was very outgoing. Maybe you should look around your community and see if there are any pre-schools that are highly recommended. When I sent my son he only went Mon, Wed, and Fri and it made the transition into big boy school easier. It is always hard to trust someone you hardly know with your child, so once you find a place you would consider sending him to, set up meetings with the staff and the person that will be teaching him, before hand.. It might help..

Answer 3

Well, you've made the first step, you've realised that you have a problem and you need to deal with it. Well done.

Now you need to be REALLY careful to hide your insecurity from your child. I know it is hard but if you let him know you are afraid to leave him he will pick up on it and think there is a real reason to be afraid of being left.

I sent my own kids to daycare, not a babysitter/childminder, because that way I knew there would always be more than one adult around. I know that most childminders are great, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. So I do know how you feel. Maybe it would help if you got some personal recommendations?

But even before that, you need to leave him with someone else for a short time - maybe the mum of one of his friends? Someone who intellectually you know looks after her own child just as well as you look after yours. Someone who you trust as a friend and can explain to her that you have a problem. You need to start doing it now, for both your sakes, or your child is going to be wretchedly unhappy at school - or you're going to have to homeschool, he'll never be able to go to a sleepover, never be able to go to a friend's party without you, and you'll still have the same problem when he's a teenager.

He WILL grow up. He WILL end up spending time out of your sight. To not allow him to do this, ever, would be child abuse - and you want the best for him, not that. Grit your teeth and do it. It's natural to be scared for him, but it's wrong to carry on treating a 4 year old like you would a 4 month old.

Answer 4

Hey,
My twin boys started daycare 12 months ago at the most beautiful place. They are just gorgeous there! And care for my twin boys the way i would/do.

I had a lot of doubts about sending my boys to a daycare, and literary went and interrogated about 15 place, from stay at home careers, learning centre to big daycare groups.

I felt so comfortable when i walked in to my daycare. No children where crying, all the children where separated into age rooms, and my favourite the staff where down on their knees playing with the kids.

I can only say to you that it is time to get help. Once you start, go and have a look at all your opinion of care! You will be surprised. But keep with it!!

Good luck

Answer 5

I had the same phobia with daycare, but believe me, the child needs the experience. It will do him good. And you too, after a while. The first couple of weeks will be hard, but I PROMISE it will be good for him to be away from familiar things and interacting with other children, learning, and having new people in his life. I was scared to death to let me daughter go ANYWHERE without me, but I let her go to daycare because I knew she needed the experience, and she cried the first few days when i dropped her off, but then she loved it. Its better so send him to daycare first, before he has to go to Kindergarten. Just shop around for the right daycare. But do it for your son.

Answer 6

My twin sons were born prematurely at six months gestation, and they had struggles to stay alive. Although they made it through those struggles, I was already learning to be overprotective. My overprotective ways began to end when they entered preschool at age 3 1/2 to 4. I spoke with the head teacher of the preschool program. She explained everything to me, reassured me that my boys stopped crying after me within five minutes of losing sight of me leaving them there. Also, I was welcomed to come and help out at the preschool anytime I wanted to, so I did. I brought my sons to preschool, dropped them off and told them I'd be back to help out with lunch time. I always was there when I told them I would be. I chose dish washing as my way of helping out so that I could be close but not right in the middle of everything. I saw that it was reassuring to them for me to be there sometimes for even a short time. I also saw that they were truly okay when I wasn't there, because I would sometimes sneak in to watch them when they didn't know I was there.

It's true what the other answserers are saying about having to let go a little bit, having to trust someone at the daycare/preschool/etc. Find a provider that you feel comfortable with, that welcomes stop-in visits from you at any time, maybe find one that will let you help out somehow.

Also, it is true that if we as parents have anxiety about leaving our children somewhere, our children are going to have anxiety about being left there. My children were mirrors of my emotions until they got to 2nd grade. If you have confidence, and if you are truthful with your child and return when you tell them, they'll do just fine left in someone else's caring environment until you return. Remember that children are resilient. My best to you. (Oh! Never let your little ones see you crying as you're leaving. Save the tears till you're out of sight! ;)

Answer 7

You need to be seeing a professional therapist before you warp your poor kid any more than you already have. Are you going to follow him around on his honeymoon to be sure his wife is treating him right? Run interference with his boss on the job? Life is a crapshoot, Mom, you have kids, you takes your chances. Get help now before you wind up on "Dr. Phil."

Answer 8

why don't you try a class of some type. that way he is getting out and interacting with other kids and under the care of someone else but you can still sit there on the side lines and watch. once you feel comfortable that he is safe you will be more relaxed for him to be away from you all together.

Answer 9

i agree that was hard for me also because if parents would check if a child is not obedient at home they will get worse in school.

Answer 10

well i dont have a kid but i know when i do i wont work until he goes to school. i dont trust day cares but i feel okay with schools... if that becomes a fear i would make him/her go through home schooling