A Witch once went to a bar, a drop-dead gorgeous girl, and got severely hammered. Once it was time to go, a man at the counter offered to drive her home. To which she commented, "You just want into my dress, or you really want to bring me home... either way... I have a broom that'll do both for me."
It takes guts to laugh at yourself, even your own religion. So, I'm inviting R&S tonight to laugh at their religion, or lack there of. Post a joke that makes fun of your own religion or lacking of it.
Person who make a joke at their own religion and gets the most votes wins.
Please do not post any material cruel to other religions or lacking of other religions.
This is just to try to make us all laugh at ourselves. I don't know how many of you are comfortable with it, but, I guess we'll find out!
2007-09-06 18:20:15 · 16 answers · asked by Lady Myrkr 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
One day in Sunday school, the teacher was talking about where Jesus is to the kids, "Bobby, where is Jesus?" asked the teacher. "Jesus is in heaven." replied Bobby. "Very good!" said the teacher.
The teacher then asked a little girl, "Where is Jesus, Emily?". Emily said innocently, "Jesus is in my heart!". The teacher beamed at little Emily and said, "How very sweet!!!".
The teacher now asked Timmy, "Timmy, where is Jesus?" "Jesus is in my bathroom" he said assuredly. "Please elaborate Timmy" the teacher said. Timmy then replied, "Well, every morning my dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells...Jesus Christ, are you still in there!!!"
2007-09-06 18:28:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
God gave us a sense of humor and the ability to laugh. I have no problem with a decent relgious joke.
A Few Words
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"
Adam & Eve had the perfect marriage.
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about how well his mother cooked!
Recently a Ft. Lauderdale advertising agency launched a billboard (including the inside and outside of buses) that included 17 different messages from God.
This non-denominational campaign started in September. It was sponsored by an anonymous client. I think some of the messages are quite humorous:
1. Let's Meet At My House Sunday Before the Game - God
2. C'mon Over And Bring The Kids - God
3. What Part of "Thou Shalt Not..." Didn't You Understand? - God
4. We Need To Talk - God
5. Keep Using My Name in Vain And I'll Make Rush Hour Longer! - God
6. Loved The Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage - God
7. That "Love Thy Neighbour" Thing, I Meant It. - God
8. I Love You...I Love You...I Love You... - God
9. Will The Road You're On Get You To My Place? - God
10. Follow Me. - God
11. Big Bang Theory? You've Got To Be Kidding. - God
12. My Way Is The Highway. - God
13. Need Directions? - God
14. You Think It's Hot Here? - God
15. Tell The Kids I Love Them. - God
16. Need a Marriage Counselor? I'm Available. - God
17. Have You Read My #1 Best Seller? There Will Be A Test! - God
2007-09-06 18:46:32 · answer #2 · answered by Beckers 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
uuuhhhh NO. but heres one anyway - by far the funniest ive seen - Nervous preacher?
A new priest was at his first mass and was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "Sometimes we all get a little nervous. It happens to everyone, so don't worry about it. When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a tiny sip."
The next Sunday, he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon when he got nervous, he took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. He felt overjoyed with himself for having conquered fear.
However, when he returned to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door :
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey; he did not "bet his ***."
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior, and the spook.
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the **** outta him.
When David was hit by a stone and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
We don't refer to the cross as the "Big T."
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the cherry."
The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
There will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
SIP THE VODKA - DON'T GULP IT
♥
2007-09-14 07:06:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A minister announced to his flock one Sunday morning that he wanted to try a different kind of sermon. He said he would say a word, and then the congregation could sing a song related to that word.
The first word was "cross," so the congregation sang The Old Rugged Cross.
The second word was "grace," so they sang Amazing Grace.
The third word was sex. There was absolute silence. Nobody could think of a song that was appropriate in church that had anything to do with sex. More than a few minutes passed in silence, then an elderly widow sitting near the back of the church stood up and started to sing - "Precious Memories."
2007-09-14 05:25:49 · answer #4 · answered by alikij 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am not religious but very spiritual. God is also a great comedian. Laughter is the best medicine. So you have guts like every other human on earth. It is not nice to laugh at, or make fun of anything, get a life. Don't tell us to laugh at ourselves or that we might be uncomfortable with it, simply tell people that you'd like to hear some good, funny jokes, and maybe you need a laugh tonight.
God Bless
2007-09-06 18:37:33 · answer #5 · answered by pinkeee 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't mind joking about my religion. I'm Catholic, by the way.
An old German man was feeling guilty about something he had done, so he decided to go to Confession. He said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I feel terrible because during World War II I hid a refugee in my attic."
The priest said, "But that's not a sin! I wouldn't feel bad about that if I were you!"
"But I made him agree to pay me 50 marks for every week he stayed."
The priest said, "Well, I admit that certainly wasn't the most noble thing to do, charging the man to save his life. But you did save his life, after all, and that's a good thing. Don't worry about it too much; God forgives."
The man said, "Thank you, Father, that eases my mind. I have only one more question to ask you....do I have to tell him the war is over?"
2007-09-06 19:55:30 · answer #6 · answered by solarius 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A Baptist joke I remember from my childhood.
Why don't Baptists make love standing up?
answer - they don't want anyone to think they are dancing
(Baptists don't approve of dancing)
Did you know the first record of PMS is in the Bible?
It says Mary rode Joseph's a ss all the way to Bethleham.
2007-09-06 18:28:30 · answer #7 · answered by Princess's Prince 3 · 4⤊ 2⤋
loss of life is equivalent. i've got been thinking approximately this on account that 14. i'm not non secular myself, i attempt to earnings religions, not basically Christian, yet they not at all appeal to me nor supply me convenience. think of roughly how small a human existence interior the existence span of universe, it extremely is daunting and it scared me. the final way is popularity. settle for which you will die and be peace with it. it extremely is not undemanding, i'm nonetheless have not thoroughly mushy with it, i'm uncertain if all and sundry ever be, whether they're non secular and have faith in heaven. properly there is one trick that i got here upon. think of loss of life as an answer to a puzzle. you would be attentive to once you die whether there is afterlife or reborn. in the event that they exist, you're taking convenience on you may survive besides the shown fact that possibly in distinctive type. in the event that they don't exist.. properly you're lifeless besides, you will not care.. it extremely is form of stupid, even with the shown fact that it helps me somewhat. desire this helps. in case you detect a much better way, enable me be attentive to. Edit: there is not any way around popularity. you will could desire to stand it sometime.
2016-10-18 05:02:25 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, I have never really heard any jokes about Taoism.
sorry, I am drawing a blank as to how to make one up right now as well.
2007-09-06 18:23:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i don't know my religion that well to make jokes on him, for i have sin, i pray only when i'm in trouble or scare so that he will proctect me from any harm and bring me peace. i think he don't mind. Buddhist
2007-09-06 18:37:16 · answer #10 · answered by gaga 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋