Atheists: if you have children, how do you raise them?

Question

I mean, what kind of spiritual or philosophical teaching do you give them? The morals and virtues you teach them are based on what? Why be a good girl and a good boy? What kind of reward or consequence for not being good? Last, how do you answer your child's question about death, God, and other spiritual topics?

Snark, if your child asked you about death, would you really say it is like before he was born? I can see the question marks coming out of his little brain and the smoke out of his little ears just for trying to understand your silly answer... but that's OK.

wrightlawnv.com, you say that "It is wrong to have premarital sex because the consequence could be a disease or a child that you do not want"?? I've never seen something more stupid in my life. I had premarital sex and got pregnant, never had a disease and my daughter, who is 18 y-old, is my joy! Open your mind, please!

Answer 1

I am an atheist and I will raise my children to be moral, tolerant, upstanding, tax-paying citizens of the society in which we live. I will teach them about other people's god-beliefs and why their parents do not subscribe to those beliefs. I will try to instill in them the need to question everything, including what I tell them. I will try to instill in them the need to look at objective evidence before believing anything.

I will tell them the truth about things:
1) Be a good boy or girl because if you aren't, there are consequences that societies have codified into laws which metes punishments on bad behaving people.
2) Depending on the behavior, the consequences could be:
a) stay in school, get good grades = good paying job
b) break the law = get fined, or go to prison or both, bring shame to the family name
3) We all die. No one knows what happens after, if anything happens after. There is no evidence of any afterlife. So make sure that you live your life fully, as if every day was your last.
4) There is no evidence to support the existence of any god

Answer 2

Teach them the law and the public consequences of bad behavior. It is wrong to have premarital sex because the consequence could be a disease or a child that you do not want.

It is wrong to steal because stealing hurts society and society will punish you.

When you die, it is like being asleep before you dream. Unconsciousness is like death. There is no god and no spiritual beings. There is no great reward and no great punishment after death. The great rewards and great punishments come in life, therefore act according to what you desire in life. Make the most of life because it is all you will ever have. Do not fear death, however, for death is simply non-existence--like unconsciousness. If you sacrifice your life to save another or other lives, you are doing a great good for others who live.

Answer 3

Well, I don't have any. However I'm part of that (apparently small) percent that grew up in a non believer household. We were just normal kids, a normal family, all the same stuff just without the religion. We learn the morals and standards held by our society and family like any other kids, and it's based on those things...what our family and society expects from us. It doesn't have to be based on anything else in particular. And if we were bad, well we got the usual punishments of most kids. Sent to room, loss of privileges or toys, etc.

I mean, just because we are an atheist family doesn't mean we aren't good people and don't have standards. My mother once broke a yard stick on my sister...does that sound like we think being bad is ok? (Granted that doesn't sound to great, but it's better then the belt a lot of families have used...)

I never really asked questions about 'god' and whatnot since it wasn't real to us, and death was just known as a sad fact of life, that it ends.

Answer 4

I *plan* to have children one day. And I'll base the morals and virtues I teach them on common sense; on the ethic of reciprocity and the sense of compassion we all share. I'd teach them that being good to eachother is not only the right thing to do, but will make them happier anyway.

The consequence for not being good would probably be a time-out. I'd have to see what was effective, but that's what my parents did.

I would answer my child's questions about death, God, and other spiritual topics differently at different ages. At some point, I'd invite them to explore some literature on it -- take them to the library, things like that.

Answer 5

I have two boys, 15 and 8.

I don't give them any spiritual teaching so much as I give them the tools to explore that aspect of themselves on their own. I teach them to respect nature, which I think is an important part of human spirituality, as is respect for self and for others.

This respect flows naturally into morality. My rules are simple; before you act, think what your actions will cause. Will your actions make someone feel good, or worse? Will they harm no one, or will they do harm? I ask them to *think* about the consequences in the here and now. I tell them that even if no one sees them do the wrong thing, they *themselves* will know that they've done it. The reason for being good, therefore, is simple. Making the wrong choices harms not only others but themselves, whereas making the right choices has the opposite effect. Put that way, which would you choose, even if no one was watching?

Rewards or consequences. Honestly, I impose none. For one thing, there is rarely a need. I think this is because the rewards and consequences are natural end results, as I explained above.

With death I take a very matter-of-fact stance. I do not shy from speaking of death to them. They know that death is inevitable, both my own and theirs. I think that to run from death is to run from life, since death is a part of all life. I teach them that their lives are special, and to never take life for granted. I tell them that for all we know, death is the end, so respect it, accept it, and live life to its fullest (though of course never at the expense of others).

My children know I am an atheist. They know my reasons for it. They also know that they are absolutely free to come to their own conclusions in their own time. Neither one has ever asked me any specific questions about God, but I do teach them about religions. All of them, not just one, and not just the ones that are currently in style.

Answer 6

My husband and I have 3 children.. I am Atheist my husband is Agnostic... Our children are not in a bubble therefore they know there are religions and religious beliefs out there..

When they ask question we give them each of our views and over views of major religious groups... We then tell them they need to make up their own mind as to what exactly they believe...

Why be good? Being good doesn't have anything to do with belief in a deity, being good has everything to do with society and social interactions..

As to the topic of death please see above..

Our children have and will continue to receive a rounded view of the world and the beliefs out there.. Our children are now ages 19, 18 and 10.. They accept and befriend without judging, they see people as people not as a color, a nationality, or a religion.. It seems to me this is a far better way to raise children than raising them to hate that which is different from themselves..

Answer 7

My stepkids behave in public because they know there really isn't any alternative but to behave or look like idiots. We don't have to bribe them with anything to make them be good. There are typical punishments for misbehaving at home, such as no PS2 or TV, no friends over, etc. but punishments suit the offense. I wouldn't take away the PS2 if one did not clean his or her room. I would bag up all the things in the floor and they would not get them back for a while.

We teach them that you should not blindly believe books written by humans and that each person should look for a spiritual path when they are teenagers or adults.

They know we are atheists but we have different ideas of what happens after death. They see that different beliefs on the same topic can all be valid.

They know we consider God to be something made up by humans to explain things that science explains now, but my stepdaughter believes in a creative force and reincarnation. Her beliefs are encouraged and accepted because she needs to feel comfortable finding herself and disagreeing with adults. She is 19.

Answer 8

I think in this context three things are very important for consideration-first that children naturally want to fllow their parents;they are watching all your acts and ommsissions very keenly because they see you as their role model or pride of their expectations and the other thing is that childhood is an extremely impressionable age;what a child learn in this it is ingrained in his character and last but most important thing is that child is with clean slate with all virtues inbuilt in his nature.Some kids could be extremely inquisitive about questions like death, God but they learn about good or bad, virtue or vice very quickly and automatically but all these if not being properly and significantly addressed in your conduct of daily life are liable create confusion in their mind evenif best explained in words.

Answer 9

Atheists can still believe in a higher power, even if that higher power is society in general. Atheists can still teach empathy and kindness as values in their own rights. I have met atheists who are far more Christian at times than I am, and I believe that there very well may be atheists who spend their entire lives living far more Christian ways than I do.

Fear of divine retribution is no valid basis for morality, and I say that as a Christian. Seek to do the good because it is good, not merely because one fears punishment.

Answer 10

I think it is immoral to indoctrinate a child into a religion before the child is old enough to even understand. Morality is innate in a normal human being as well as other mammals.