I need something in my life
I want to bask by a side
that has been there all along
just waiting for me,
patiently.
I though (that) I'd find this in a man
But that
that was not in your plan
for me yet
(I first had to rest with you)...
The words/phrases in parenthesis are undecided.
It's not finished, but I do have a little tune resounding in my head for it...
...seriously, though, what do you think?
Thanks!
2007-09-06 15:15:38 · 14 answers · asked by Life On Wheels 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
That is address to God.
jtm
2007-09-06 15:21:47 · answer #1 · answered by Jesus M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's been awhile since I composed myself, but this is what I would try:
Re-write, but do it in third person. It's a nice concept, not to be abandoned. Sing it about someone else, creating a whole fictional(but general, so it could fit anyone)person.
Take for an example The Beatles' song She's Leaving Home.
Listen to that and you'll see what I'm pointing to.
Funny, I'm hearing chords going through my head right now.
2007-09-06 15:30:07 · answer #2 · answered by Jed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Needs work but this idea has potential. I always mull the thoughts and words over in my mind for a long time before I settle on them. I am a poet.
2007-09-06 15:23:51 · answer #3 · answered by mesquiteskeetr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have the beginnings of a fine "Christian" song. I'd love to see it in its entirety and hope you post it again when you've completed it!
2007-09-06 15:21:11 · answer #4 · answered by Chris B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm an atheist, so I was kind of expecting it to be like, shoving christianity down my throat (no offense or anything). But the lyrics are nice, very poetic.
2007-09-06 15:19:25 · answer #5 · answered by kitt 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You might want to visit a rhyming dictionary.
2007-09-06 15:19:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I like it, I like lyrics that are from the heart.
2007-09-06 15:25:34 · answer #7 · answered by firelight 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds pretty nice to me.
2007-09-06 15:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by words for the birds 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay, I guess, but I hope you have a day job to fall back on! (no offense, hun.)....Peace!
2007-09-06 15:19:41 · answer #9 · answered by Native Spirit 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you're very brave to post it here.
I like it.
I"m a songwriter also.
2007-09-06 15:19:11 · answer #10 · answered by sisterzeal 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋