My well behaived 6 year old has uncontrollable fits...?

Question

If she is told she cannot do something or have something that she wants she goes into a rage. I have tried every trick in the book - ignoring it (aggravates her more), speaking calmly to her (she just yells over my talking), putting her in "time out" (a joke), this weekend I spanked her (again did not work). I am at my wits end. This child is perfect for others she is advanced at school and very responsible. She has never gotten her way acting like this. These fits started at age 4 and occcured about once every couple of months so even though they were difficult to deal with the frequency made it tollerable. Now she is having these several times a week and I feel like I am breaking down. I am not fond of the idea of children being medicated but I am leaning towards taking her in to see her doctor. Has anyone experienced this and do children grow out of this??

Thank you all for your suggestions. Well, she had everything taken out of her room on Sunday (thank you very much ice). Her room consists of a bed and a bookshelf. I put her in her room tonight with her homework and her dinner. When she was done I told her it was bed time. She continued her fits running out of her room and I just kept putting her back in her room. I finally went in and took out the book shelf and told her she was going to sleep on the floor pretty soon if she didn't knock it off. It's finally quiet! To Mr. Ice 444 just wait until you have children and if you do then watch out because they will surprise you. I have called people who know my daughter well (grandparents etc.) and they don't believe that the child screaming in the background is the girl they know and love. She is not an out of control annoying brat. I am months away from a degree in child development after two straight years of studying children I am stumped. I certainly would not go on Dr. Phil!!

Answer 1

Hi Sarah,

It sounds like you might be my twin! I have a 7 year old that has been acting the same way for a few years. She is a wonderful, sweet child but she has these fits like you described. I have never and will never medicate her..

One thing I did awhile ago was video tape her when she was having a fit and I then later when she had calmed down I showed it to her. She didn't realize how bad she was acting and she really felt bad and apologized.

Also as I am sure you know you have to be consistent with your punishment. I know you are trying everything to see what will work but nothing is going to work perfectly the first time you try it... you will have to keep it up for awhile to see results.

Now that my daughter is older I am able to reason with her and she does not have her fits as often.... actually not much at all and when she does they don't last long.

Hang in there, be consistent and talk to her when she is calm about her behavior. Best of luck!

Answer 2

This isn't a medical problem, so medication is not the answer. This is a behavioral problem, so discipline is the answer.
Some sort of punishment for these tantrums is in order. I would put her in her room, on her bed or on a chair, and close the door. Let her know that you will NOT look at or listen to this behavior. If she opens the door to come out, put her back in....however you need to do so.
Then carry on with whatever you are doing, or make up some activity to let her know that her behavior will have no effect on you. After a few of these tantrums, she should learn that behaving this way does nothing.
I really feel for you, this has GOT to be frustrating. Bottom line - get her away from the family or whoever is around and let her know she has no effect on you when she is acting like this.
If this doesn't work (after a reasonable amount of trials) maybe it is time to see a family therapist. Or your clergyman, or school counselor.
Best of luck to you. I hope you get this resolved.

Answer 3

I think your doing the right things, just make them a bit more extreme, and be VERY consistent with enforcing consequences. You've obviously done well since this is your only issue, but it's your daughters way of saying "mom you need to address this NOW"


I have 3 daughters, I've seen what your going through. I have to say being consistent is the major key. We (or at least I) all get lazy at times, but that's when you have to make yourself get up and deal with the issues. For what she does, time outs and spankings work well. I think you need to try a different way of enforcing both consequences. First time out, tell her (or take her) to sit on her bed until you come and get her. Let her scream it out all she wants even if it takes hours. Chances are she will figure out that she needs to be calm before you come to take her out, either that or she'll fall asleep, lol. If she wont stay in time out that's were spanking comes in. For spanking, ALWAYS remain calm and use a soft but firm voice. Don't swat her bottom once, or twice, but put her over you lap, and pull down her pants/undies important) Bare bottom is really the best way to give a spanking. Give her a minimum of 1 spank per age, personally I'd do 2 (yes that means 12). Just remember your in control, each spank should only sting, not be as so hard to leave bruises (red tush is expected though).


All in all, mine never leave time out, because they know what happens (they all learned that one the hard way). Tantrums are best stopped with them isolated in their rooms away from the family.

Best of luck to you

Answer 4

You've had some great answers, but I'll just add - when she's behaving well, make a HUGE effort to reward her for it, spend time with her, chatting, playing - if possible doing some of the things which she tends to scream when she's told she can't do. That depends what they are, of course, but if it's things like going to the park rather than things she's never allowed to do, then when she's behaving just say "you've been so good that I've got everything done quickly, would you like to go to the park now". And say things like "I like playing with you much better than shouting at you." But not when she's in a rage, when she's calm and happy.

She needs to learn that she has a much nicer time with you when she behaves than when she doesn't, and it is so hard, because when they're playing nicely on their own it's such a temptation just to leave them to it, and then you get into a cycle where they only get attention if they are misbehaving or if they specifically ask for it.

Answer 5

Most of them grow out of it if she does not get her way by doing it. She is well aware of your weak areas and knows she is wearing you down and wearing you out. She's winning in some capacity or she would not continue to do these fits. She's getting something out of them - attention, her way, your focus, a feeling of power - there IS a payoff for her.

She's really way too old to be doing this kind of thing, great-kid-otherwise-or-not; even great kids sometimes get stuck in particular areas. You need parenting adivice from an expert, not medical advice.

Ask the school psychologist for help; they are free and readily available to you. If not, hit the book store and start reading!! Go to a local child psychologist. Get some real help, you'll be so relieved and glad you did!

Lots of parents have lived through this. You will too.

Answer 6

Please don't listen to missy's ignorant, poorly articulated and outright harmful ideas. It seems she was probably dropped on her head as a child, at least once.

I'd say the best thing you could do is to take her to a doctor, or perhaps a psychologist, and ask what you can do. It is quite possible there is a solution that doesn't require medication, but if your daughter has a serious chemical imbalance in her brain, then medication may be the only solution.

Sugary foods can have some very negative effects on the attitude and personality of young children, also, so try cutting down on foods high in sugar. It may help.

Answer 7

The problem isn't the child, the problem is the parent's inconsistency. She is "perfect" for other's because she knows what they expect of her because they are consistent, in telling her what they want from her. She has NO idea what you want because you're inconsistent. No form of discipline works if you don't use it all the time and hitting only proves to your child that YOU no longer have the intelligence to parent effectively. Pick a form of discipline (preferably ignoreing or time outs) and STICK WITH IT. It's not going to work overnight. It didn't take overnight for the problem to grow...it's not going to go away overnight. Parenting takes work.

Answer 8

Come lets be honest; They are so well behaved but when she doesn't get what she wants she freaks out. This is a classic Dr. Phil show.

Stop being in denial. She doesn't need medication, she needs good discipline. Friends of ours have kids like your daughter and they are so annoying and out of control. But when they spend time with their grandparents, they are well behaved, go to bed at 9 pm, take naps, and are a joy and seem very happy. They know that freak out temper tantrums won't be tolerated at grandma and grandpa's house.

You take EVERYTHING away from her; EVERY luxury; what your doing isn't working and if all the things your saying is how she acts, she's NOT well behaved. Come on.

Take EVERYTHING away and put her in her room with NOTHING TO DO and let her freak out. You sound exactly like the lady on the Dr. Phil show who just said, I dont' know what to do. And if she never gets her way acting like this, SHE WOULDN'T DO IT.


Magic and time will not fix this; YOU WILL. Let her freak out in her room, and she can't leave until she calms down. Once she does you slowly allow her to have toys and other things that she likes. When she does something good, make a big fuss over it, but teach her that there are consequences if she doesnt' act properly.

Take back your household. I couldn't even imagine any parent in our family tolerating this; the kid would sit in a chair or lay on their bed until the sun burned out. I remember because that's what happened to me. I realized as a kid if I freaked out, my "reward" was to sit in my room with nothing to do. It was torture and after twice doing it, I was a prince.

Come on Parents, you can do this but stop the denial. 80% of ADD drugs are taken by U.S. kids; thats ridiculous. Good parenting is 100% better than good drugs. Our pride and not being able to admit what we're doing isn't working, is greatly effecting the youth of today. Kids are extremely spoiled and running too many households. Good luck.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Check out the book Parenting for the Strong Willed Child. We were having similar issues with my son. It is all about consistancy. We also did speak with a child psychiatrist who reccomended this book and did not reccomend medication.

There are other great books out there, but this one helped us a lot!! Good luck!

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child-Rex-Forehand/dp/0809232650