My pushy, opinionated, overbearing, smelly mother-in-law?

Question

I am saying my mother-in-law but it also includes my father-in-law.....ARRGH they make me so mad! I don't even know where to start so I will just list the things that annoy me
1-for our wedding she invited more people for herself than my entire side and my husbands friends combined. she turned it into her own party
2- my husband is interviewing for new jobs and when he doesn't get one she says he most have done something wrong, not anything supportive and she doesn't just assume another canidate is more qualyfied.
3- she is insisting that we buy a house, we can only afford it in a town that we really DO NOT want to live in and they have bad schools
4- talks about our money, as if she is part of our marriage, tells us what to do with it, when she has no idea about that type of stuff
5-thinks she knows everything about everything.....she knows nothing about nothing

6- Tells me I need a job, i am going to start nannying once my friends baby is born, i also do real estate and take care of my 6 month old son
7- has awful breath and kisses my son all over to the point that he smells and needs a bath
8- will tell you her opinion on anything....even when you make it clear you don't want it
9- says hurtful things about my husband's career choices
10- my husband currently runs his brothers restaurant and she has asked him to stay without making any more money so that his brother is better off. always thinks more of my brother-in-laws well being rather than my husbands
11- when she babysits my son refuses to put sunscreen on him (hes 6 months) she doesn't believe in it
12- tells me that my son doesn't like his carseat and i should make the straps really loose so hes more comfortable

Help me!!!! I have started to stand up to her and no longer have her babysit, but what else can i do? she is putting a strain on our marriage!

6- Tells me I need a job, i am going to start nannying once my friends baby is born, i also do real estate and take care of my 6 month old son
7- has awful breath and kisses my son all over to the point that he smells and needs a bath
8- will tell you her opinion on anything....even when you make it clear you don't want it
9- says hurtful things about my husband's career choices
10- my husband currently runs his brothers restaurant and she has asked him to stay without making any more money so that his brother is better off. always thinks more of my brother-in-laws well being rather than my husbands
11- when she babysits my son refuses to put sunscreen on him (hes 6 months) she doesn't believe in it
12- tells me that my son doesn't like his carseat and i should make the straps really loose so hes more comfortable

Help me!!!! I have started to stand up to her and no longer have her babysit, but what else can i do? she is putting a strain on our marriage!

also, along with the sunscreen issue, takes my sons hat off cause she doesn't like it....although i want it on to keep sun off of him

and my husband has had some issues with alcohol in the past....rather than trying to help, she offers him drinks and when the whole family gets together they all start drinking at 10 am and don't stop, it makes if very uncomfortable for my husband. i am not saying no one should drink near him, but some moderation may make it easier

I am sorry for my rants....I just can't talk to anyone else about it. i sound like such a snot....but she really is as bad as she sounds

Thanks for all the great answers....again I am going to add. My husband is not at all a mama's boy, he pretty much steers clear of her. he has bigger issues with his father (i do too, but won't even start that).
They were living about an hour away which worked out well cause we had small doses of them. when our son was born they decided they wanted to be closer, they are now 7 minutes away. she tells me that she moved here so she could baby-sit.....i never asked her for that! I have my own mother and I only occasionaly need a baby sitter (when I have doctor's appts etc)!
believe it or not...they are getting in the way of our sex life! with a infant in the house we seem to have sex more during the day while he is napping. the other day, we stopped in the middle cause i was so sure his parents came in the house....they didn't but they have before!!!!
Anyway, thanks everyone, I thought I was going to get answers of people telling me I'm too sensitive...but this is a real issue

Answer 1

Ouch. Wow. I had my first child a month after I turned 18 (I'm almost double that now and have 3) My mother in law thought she knew everything and I knew she was wrong. We had alot of power struggles.
Keep standing up to her when she over steps her boundaries. It is a fine line between being over sensitive and assertive. Be assertive!
1. Cut her out of the info loop. Do not discuss finances with her and make sure your husband does not either. If she asks questions, tell her you'd rather keep that private for now, but that you'll remember her concern and will be sure to tell her if you need help. (cuts both ways)
2. Tell her that buying a house would be great, but it just isn't going to work out right now and you're trying to work on a down payment for now. Renting is what is working good for your family.
3. Maintain your boundaries. Don't answer the phone after a certain hour and if she shows up unannounced, make sure you mention that you weren't expecting any company right now.
4. Tell her that your rules have to be followed for your children. This is really where it gets tough and the older generation has a hard time. This is your turn to raise your child and you will always consider what she has to say, however YOU have the final say. Don't deliver any ultimatums unless you absolutely can't avoid it. Put sunscreen on the baby before you leave. It lasts awhile. Tell her you put it on because you were trying to save her the "effort".
5. There isn't really anything you can do about her personal hygeine. The baby is too young to really mind and kisses are very good for everyone. You can certainly request that she not kiss the baby on the mouth, but be sure other people don't do it in front of her.
6. I know you said alot more stuff that needs to be addressed here, but be careful what you say about her especially when it comes to your husband. Even if he acts like he hates her or something (which I doubt), he will harbor bad feelings if you bash her too much. Try to be open with him without actually saying anything insulting. You really need him to back you up when it comes to his mom.
All of us go through this to some extent, but it sounds like you might really have a problem here. I will say again that it is very important that you and your husband discuss this and get it straight that you need him to back you up.

Answer 2

Alright EMB you might be pushing the limits by stating that she knows nothing about nothing. But it does sound like she is an overbearing and thoughtless person who needs to be spoken to by either her son (your husband) or the pair of you. Try and keep an open mind but be very blunt and mature in your conversation and let her know exactly what it is that is upsetting you so. Also let her know that you are both adults now and not only can but will make your own decisions and live with the consequences. That you married each other for love and support and would appreciate if she was to show some also, but if not then to please not give off all these negative vibes. Inform her also that her poisonous attitude is not wanted not needed at the present. That where you live and what your financial situation is your business and so you may end up relocating somewhere she doesn't approve of but that is also your choice. Once again I would ask that you bite your tongue if necessary and please attempt to talk in a mature and open minded manner because by what you have explained she may not do the same. But who knows she may even end up surprising you and apologize and say that she wasn't aware she was being so poisonous. That's what would happen in a perfect world but we all know we don't live in one of them. Anyway, I do honestly wish you the best of luck and hopefully over time your relationship with your in-laws will improve and things will settle down.

Answer 3

First step is to find out if your husband is of the same opinion as you. If so, you can simply start to back away from having her so much in your life. It sounds mean, but you have to take care of your family first.

For sure, you'll want to find some other child care provider, even if it costs you. For whatever reason, she isn't interested in caring for your child according to your rules (which are not at all unreasonable). I think you might be feeling a bit indebted to her because of the child care, and if you break that off, those feelings can clean up.

Most of us can deal with unpleasant people in smaller doses. It just seems you are getting a very LARGE dose of this woman. Without the child-care thing, you may end up with a small enough dose that will allow you to tolerate her for periodic visits.

It's a bit sad, actually. She sounds like a very unfulfilled person and like she is trying to live her life by controlling yours.

Answer 4

Well have you talked to your husband about how she acts? Is he in agreement with you? If he is then do not discuss anything in your personal lives with her anymore. I have someone very close to me that is nosy and can be pushy. When she asks who was on the phone, I just let her know that it did not concern her. If she asks how much I have in the bank I let her know that it is not enough. That is true cause there is never enough in the bank. My point is that you can be as eluding as you wish when it comes to your personal life. About the house tell her that you are looking and just haven't found the one that says you yet but you will invite her to the house warming party when it happens. As for your husband not getting any encouragement as long as you give it to him and reassure him then he will be just fine. As for the knowing nothing about everything, just thank her for her input and tell her that you will take it under consideration and leave it at that. Otherwise use your caller ID and don't answer the phone when she calls except for maybe once a week. Good Luck

Answer 5

You and your husband should go to marriage counseling about this. He needs to set up boundries with his mother. It's his job because that's his mother. You need to do whatever you can to save your marriage, since you have a child. I say "save your marriage" just because it sounds like things are getting bad and only going to get worse with this woman. You don't have to be a doormat. If you guys need to move away maybe that would be a solution. Good luck!

Answer 6

honey, you need to talk to your husband about this. his mom needs to mind her own business. how does she even know about his job interviews? wait, let me guess, he tells her, right? dumb. sometimes it takes guys a while to leave their mom's out of some stuff.you may have to help him out a bit. just do it nicely. try not to badger or he may blow.at least she isn't sitting for you anymore. that's a plus. i wish i could help more but really, your husband needs to grow some and tell his mom to back off. you and the babe need to come first now. that doesn't mean he should forget about his family, just keep them out of his and your family buisness

Answer 7

That's tough. Tell her off and see what happens. It can't be worse than what is already going on.

Answer 8

Get away get far far away before she drives you insane.