Bridal party drama...?

Question

So, I am engaged and am planning a wedding for sometime in April or May 2008. I already know who is in my bridal party. 1. My cousin (Age 18) 2. My sister (Age 16) and 3. My friend Carrie (Age 21).

My dilemma is this...I want my cousin to be my MOH. I would love to have my sister, but for one, she'll be in school and two, I'm not sure she'll be able to handle the responsibilities.

My grandmother is furious! She says my sister should be my MOH and that she may not even come if I don't.

Isn't this my wedding where my future husband and I make the decisions? Who's right?

Thank you all for your quick responses! I think my grandma is just old-fashioned. I think she'll eventually be ok with any decision I make.

I just didn't want to have a MOH, but the fiance is having a best man. Oh well...

And to the person that said everything is booked...You really know that EVERYTHING in my town is booked? Wow, are you psychic?

Answer 1

While the choice of MOH sometimes goes to a sister out of sentiment, because she's the best choice, or even as a tiebreaker decision, it's in no way required. Also, she's the youngest and has school. As you say, she may not be able to handle everything a MOH does.

And yes, it's your (meaning both you and your intended, and THANK YOU for including him in that) wedding, so you should be the ones making the big decisions.

Now, that said, I have to ask: how willing are you to offend your grandmother to the point where she's talking about not coming to the wedding? Does she make these kinds of threats lightly about various things? Or does she really feel that strongly about this? If she gets her way on this will that be enough to make her happy, or will she consider it carte blanche to raise a ruckus every time you disagree with her?

You know your grandmother a lot better than I do.

If your grandmother doesn't usually get this upset and is serious in her refusal to consider your point of view in this, how would you feel about a compromise? Could your cousin and sister be co-MOH?

Consider family politics and your options carefully, but in the end it's up to you.

Answer 2

You are right! Im sorry but granny needs to take a seat! This is YOUR wedding and your MOH has to do a lot and has to take the pressure off of you! If you feel (and only you would know) that your cousin would do a better job then have her and forget your granny....maybe not forget but explain the best you can to her ALLL of the responsiblities that come with it. It is a big job. Going with you to do the planning, running errands for you, making calls, making sure you're sane, on track, etc. AND she'll have to do a toast. So tell her that she can not come all she wants and maybe she'll change her mind after realizing she's missing out on your wedding.
Also get your sis to tell her that she's okay with the decision. That may calm her down a little.

Answer 3

It sounds like your 16 yr. old sister is not the sister you are referring to as Maid of Honor. If your other sister is in college, she still needs to be asked if she wants and can handle the responsibilies with her college schedule. I'm sure she is planning on being at your wedding. If she agrees that her schedule will not allow her to do the MOH requirements and refuses, then you can ask your cousin or anyone you prefer. But at least give her the respect of first right of refusal. The last thing you want to do is create friction where it's not needed within the family. Weddings are difficult enough.

Answer 4

You were right. Your sister is only 16. If you do have her be the MOH then your cousin will have to do all of the work and not get the recognition for it. I am assuming that your cousin is on the opposite side of your family as your grandmother because if you had the same grandmother I can't imagine her acting like this. What do your parents think? That matters more. Let them deal with the her.

Answer 5

your moh does have a lot of responsiblities, however she should be the person you feel the closest with, the person you have the biggest bond with. What does your sister think of not being the moh?
My sister was my moh because she and I are so close, and i would not have wanted anyone else. she IS my best friend.
If the drama is going on too much, and you can't handle is, have 2 mohs. Maybe that will make grandma happy.

Answer 6

Considering that you sister is 16, you are right to not want to burden her with the responsibility.
Another option is have 2 MOH, but since you are only have 3 bridesmaids that seems a bit much.

I would suggest to discuss it with your sister and let her know why you are making your decsion.

And YES it is your decision, you are not going to be able to please everyone with all of your wedding decisions. Don't be afraid to stand by what YOU and your fiance want.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I don't know for sure, but I think your MOH will have to be 18. (Please correct me if I'm wrong people, because I could be.) Since they have to sign the marriage liscense as a witness, I would think they have to be of legal age. But either way, you should go with who you're closest to. Your grandmother is just going to have to deal with it. It's your and your fiance's decision.

Answer 8

Your maid of honor should be a person who is the closest to you and also one who can handle the responsibilities of being a maid of honor. It almost sounds as if you're closer to your sister, but think that her being in school will ruin your wedding. I would think that school attendance shouldn't put a damper on your plans.

Answer 9

The funds situation sounds like a lie, tremendously because of the fact a brilliant form of the fee is incurred in visitors on the marriage. So till you're making plans on uninviting them to the marriage, you're able to talk with them with regard to the themes you're having with them extremely of ditching them. Plan an afternoon (no longer a night and don't drink, it makes issues irrational) on the spa, or pass out to a women lunch at the same time. In a great way, handle your themes and get them out interior the open. ideally, you would be waiting to artwork issues out and your friendship would be greater proper because of the fact of it.

Answer 10

Your right. Granny needs to be given a book on etiquette. She needs to stop putting her staunchly wrinkled nose in people's business. Maybe it would be better to pis her off early in the game so she can have time to get over it or not. Good Luck!