A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.
"So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.He proceeded to talk up a storm.Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the
door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of
him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"
12) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2007-09-06 11:44:08 · 13 answers · asked by sweetpea 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I haven't been able to laugh all day until now.
2007-09-06 11:50:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oldy but goody. Heard a few of them before but a couple og new ones made me laugh. Ta! LOL! Star!!
2007-09-06 19:11:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL! I never heard Mary with the cherry before.
2007-09-07 04:12:49 · answer #3 · answered by michelle v 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An oldie but a goodie
2007-09-06 19:02:34 · answer #4 · answered by Aimee B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha Ha! Funny! 10!
2007-09-06 19:54:33 · answer #5 · answered by cats 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
2007-09-07 16:47:11 · answer #6 · answered by darkflower366 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never heard that before and it made me crease up!
10/10! x
2007-09-06 19:20:09 · answer #7 · answered by Kirk_84 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Made me laugh
2007-09-06 18:49:14 · answer #8 · answered by Maid Angela 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LMAO excellent.
2007-09-06 19:38:40 · answer #9 · answered by Crackerjack 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in a horrible way that is funny
2007-09-06 18:52:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋