Been offered dream job, but feel too responsible for old job to take it - what to do?

Question

I've just been offered the job I've been waiting for all my life, in the place I've wanted to live in all my life.
But they need me at my current job, and if I leave here, a lot of stuff will go down the gurgler for a whole lot of people.
Of course they would be able to replace me sooner or later, but I've been telling them I was planning to be there longterm, because I was - until that amazing job popped up out of the blue. Never thought it would.
What should I do?

Answer 1

You have a lot of guilt issues. I'd swear you've gotta be catholic...I can usually smell my own.

Anyway...I see how you have some need to stay where you are at. We all get attached to our jobs, especially when other people depend on us. However, life goes on. Loyalty is commendable, but 99% of the time it gets you no where.

Here's my situation. I have a cushy job...not my dream job, but pretty damned good. We have lots of problems and I've tried to offer my help, but the higher-ups are a bunch of ego maniacs. So I have no loyalty to them. I care about my subordinates, but if a better job walks my way tomorrow I could care less if the place I'm at now goes down the tubes. I gotta take care of #1 and people who want my expertise and input.

Case Study #2: Our General Manager just left 2 weeks ago. This cat was fiercely loyal to the owners even though he knew they were a bunch of boobs. He covered for thier ineptness at every freakin' turn. The senior staff knew this and we supported him. When he announced he was leaving at the staff meeting, he and the owners all had the waterworks going...it was horrorshow. Like a Lifetime Movie gone bad. I wasn't buying any of it because I am a Machiavellian Son-of-a-*****. So the sob-show goes on...boo-hoo, yadda yadda yadda. The GM finally leaves and NOT MORE THAN TWO DAYS LATER the bastard owners are cutting this guy into shreads in front of the whole senior staff and blaming him for all of the problems!!!!

Trust me, this is what will happen to you when you leave, especially if you are the guy holding the place together.

If it is your dream job, take the money and run. Your employees will understand and your bosses are only gonna rip you apart anyway.

Answer 2

You have to do what is best for you. If this opportunity is truly your dream job, take it. The company you work for wouldn't hesitate to fire you if that was in their best interest. Even though you told them you would be staying there long term, nothing in life is certain and you haven't signed a contract agreeing to that. To make you feel better about leaving, make sure you give your current company as much notice as you can and leave detailed notes for the person that will assume your responsibilities. If you want, you could also offer to be available by phone if they have any questions. I think you will regret it if you pass up this dream job - go for it and don't look back. By the way, congratulations!

Answer 3

Well I look at it like this. You have to make a life for yourself. Everyone else in life has the same choice. Nothing in life is a guarantee. So if I were you, I would tell everyone in advance what the situation is going to be and take care of your self and make yourself happy. I understand that people are relying on you being there. However if you don't make yourself happy, no one will. If you don't do it you will be left always wondering how things could have been. Its up to you.......... I don't know if that sounds selfish, maybe to some. But like you said "you will eventually get replaced"

Answer 4

Do what's best for you. I have felt that way before when leaving a job. When you are offered a better job, sometimes you feel bad because you think it will hurt other people (as far as feelings, workload, etc.) and that shows that you are a caring person, but when it comes down to it, you need to think about your own career and let them worry about their own. I don't know what industry you work in, but if you leave, it will create opportunities for the other people who you work with. They may have a hard time at first without you, but they will adjust. Take the job you want. You will regret it if you don't.

Answer 5

Go for it! This is academia, it happens all the time. And if you ask my opinion, it should.

Here is my five cents worth of 'clairvoyance': NZ is not nearly as wonderful as your website tells us. The drugs, the drunk and dangerous driving, a lack of adequately paying job opportunities for your students. Different observation, but same statement: Why have I met so many well educated "Kiwis" here in the US and over there in the UK? Not to mention the lack of elegant life styles and sophistication. You are a Petronius, an 'arbiter elegantium' but in the province, in a cultural desert.

Tahini, we can read between your lines, NZ is getting to you.

Answer 6

There are no surprises here. they should wish you well and a big thanks for a job well done.

You must think of yourself sometimes lad,
else you will be taken advantage of.
Your leaving might open up some possiblities for other people who are waiting to shine.

But if you are in the job you are in now
cause it simply feels like the right thing to do, you have some thinking ahead of you. Who is going to tell you you made the wrong choice? There is still lots of time to make a few mistakes, after all.
I made my share and I survived. Barely. LOL

Answer 7

The world is about pursuing dreams so go for it. Every body is replaceable, but a dream job doesn't come too often. Its all up to you man. Would you be able to handle this change?

financially? family? etc.

These are things you have to consider not that stuff about your current job.

Answer 8

You are just responsible for yourself and your family. They will soon get over you. If you are really sure that your dreams come true you would be stupid to let the chance slip away. It is not a thing of life or death for the others but it is for you.

Answer 9

If you are over thirty: Offer to give advice or help the new guy... but Do take your dream job.. other wise.. you'll never know if it was worth it! If you are younger...be careful.

Answer 10

(I apologize to the other uses, but this one i will answer in my mothertongue, because it is easier for me, and because i know Weirdo´s spanish is good enough to understand my answer)

"se arrepiente uno más de lo que no hace, que de lo que hace" (... sabiduría popular... mi mamá siempre me lo dijo. Y tiene razón).

En serio vas a quedarte en tu viejo trabajo, preguntándote toda tu vida "qué hubiera pasado si..." ?

Mira, haz lo que quieras, pero respóndete a ti mismo esta sencilla pregunta primero: Será tu cargo de conciencia -por dejar tu viejo trabajo, mayor que el arrepentimiento -por dejar ir este nuevo trabajo? No se puede tenerlo todo en la vida, siempre hay que sacrificar algo... tú sabrás qué.

Suerte, pero sobre todo, valor y claridad para decidir ;-)

Ah, te dejo otro refrán popular: "más vale pedir perdón, que pedir permiso"....