why is it such an issue??

Question

I'm talking about stay at home moms vs. working moms.

i was reading a couple questions and its like there are two teams fighting against each other.. it was kinda sad really.. when we all do what we have to do, and all try to have happy familys.. which is the same result we all want..

my family for example, my husband works i stay home with the kids, we have one car, right now my getting a job would only cover the cost of daycare so we decided it was pointless for me to work.

my brothers family, they live in a large house, have two very nice cars, and both work well paying jobs, are beginning to have children and know that both must work to continue to make ends meet.

neither of us resent the other, why do people seem to resent each other for the way their lives?

sorry that last bit should have been "for the way they live their lives"

I got a phone call and it distracted me.. :)

Answer 1

i don't get it either...there are some who can afford to do one way and others that cant additionally...there are people who are great stay at home moms and those who really arent and shouldn't be...i think just being honest with your situation and working with it ...i know some people who's husbands stay home with the children....it is all up to the family and what works for them...

Answer 2

I am a SAHM through both choice and necessity - my DH works full time in a very demanding job and is quite often away from home several nights in the week making it practically impossible for me to consider working at this time. I have 2 daughters - 7 and 3, so they have very different needs at this point in their lives and to be honest, any job which I would be suitable for just now would barely pay for childcare and I don't have the luxury of parents near by who are free to help out. We are lucky enough to have 2 cars as my DH's job comes with a car, but we live within our means and don't try to "keep up" with those who seem to have it all.

I would never criticize any mum who has to go out to work for whatever reason they have - everyone is different and as long as the kids are happy then is that not what is most important???

Being a mum is a hard enough job without fighting against each other - I have friends who are both working and SAHM's and we are all there for each other when we are needed. Life's to short to worry about things like that - there are good and bad points to both "sides", like everything else in life.

I know that in a few years time when my kids are a little less dependent on me then I might have the option to go back to work....but for now I am happy with "my lot"!

xxxx

Answer 3

I think some of it has to do with tradition or being conservative, a bit of sexism too. The women are supposed to stay at home and shoot out babies and make dinner, the men do all the hard work, etc. Most of those mindsets were destroyed a few decades ago, but the effects still linger. Arguing over who's a better mother is petty and childish, and if they're trying to set a good example for their children on how to behave, I don't think that's helping.

Regardless of your job or no job, age, religion, economic situation, etc.. everyone has potential to be a fantastic mother, and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, it's only between the parents and the children.

Answer 4

I am a SAHM by choice. I can work and earn enough to afford daycare and it will still be worth it.

I am all for what everyone has stated "each family and each woman makes her own decision".

I am just tired of SAHMs who point fingers at working mothers who don't need the money and can afford to stay at home. I don't like the 'moms should work, but only if they need the money" stand that some of my SAHM friends have.

I am even more tired of the working mothers in my area who say they respect everyone's choice on working/staying home, but are always the first to point out how it is sooo hard for them to find time, how it is sooooo easy for SAHMs to find time... and how if they ask SAHMs for a favor like pickup/drop off/baby sit their kid, we should jump and do it as they are "working". I feel like pointing out that they are also getting paid for it.

My point is, some (actually most) women, say that they are all for each woman making her own decision about working or not, but dig a little deeper, talk a litltle more and the prejudices come out.

Answer 5

I'm in the same situation actually. I stay at home with my four year old and I'm glad too. I don't think it's the right choice for everyone, but it was right for me. And unfortunately, like you, if I did work it would take my entire paycheck to cover daycare and would make working pointless, mainly because I don't want to. I admire moms who stay home and actually take care of their children and their husbands. It's a lot more work than I ever thought it would be. On the other hand, it takes a lot more strength than I have to go to work everyday and leave your child because you know that you can provide a better life for them. I've had a lot of people accuse me of ruining everything women have worked for because I choose to stay home rather than work, a right women had to work so hard for. And they have a point, however, if you want to play that game, maybe those women ruined MY right to stay home and take care of my family. There is no right answer because we don't all fit into molds. We're different and have to make different decisions. If my mom had stayed home with me and my brother, I think we would have gone crazy. I'm glad she went to work, but that doesn't mean I will.

Answer 6

As mentioned before, a lot of it has to do with doubt from either side about whether their respective choices was the right one, both them as individuals and their families.

For me, whether you're a working mom or SAHM is irrelevant. What is important is whether the moms are giving their children and families adequate love, attention, and nuturing guidence to be the best they can be as humans.

Personally, I gave up a budding career after having toiled over 12 years for my PhD as a research scientist in order to be able to raise my children as best I can. However, it is a luxery afforded to me that maybe other working moms can not afford. I also know that there are some SAHM whose children receive less attention those of some working moms.

The bottom line is that whether you're working or staying at home, it's not so important how much time you are physically with your children as how much QUALITY time the children get with their parents. In this regard, I have seen children of some working moms who receive abundant love and attention in the precious times they have with their moms, and as a result have turned into wonderful young adults.

Answer 7

Working moms think that SAHMs are lazy/have nothing better to do and/or are jealouse that they can't stay home.
SAHMs think that working moms are letting someone else raise their kids and shouldn't bother being parents if they "can't" raise them and/or are jealous that working moms have a life outside the home.

It is really sad that people are so judgemental over this, and people on both sides need to back off. Everyone will do what is best for their family financially, emotionally, etc.

Answer 8

I think some women are just so strong in their opinions. Some just have to be independent and strong and bring in an income.
Some desire to stay at home but have to bring in money and resent moms that can.
Some moms don't care how much they have to sacrifice they ARE going to stay at home and no one can tell them anything else is good for their child.
Bottom line: It is best to respect every mother in every way, no one has the same morals or opinions and most every mom does the best to their ability while following their own goals and ideas of family life. To each their own.

Answer 9

I don't think it should be stay at home moms vs. working moms. I believe it is for each family to decide what will work best for them. I am a working mom of 4. I ran a daycare from my home before my kids where in school. My sister in law is a mom of 2 and stays home. She works just as hard in her home as I do outside of mine. I have a job that allows me to be the one who gets my kids to school and picks them up. I'm home all summer with them and get to go to all their school events.

Answer 10

I know, it seems like what really is the issue should be flexible work options, quality child care, co-parenting issues, and insurance. Business Week had a great piece last week on AlphaMoms (another label) who are getting balance by working flexible schedules.

What I really dislike though - is how the guys I work with - whos wives are at home - give this condescending tone - on how "it was the right choice for their family" Then they go to happy hour.