Force 3 year old to do swim lessons?

Question

Hi. I have a 3 year old son. I signed him up for swim lessons last week. We went 2 times and both times he cried (hysterically) the entire time. He loves the pool and is a good swimmer for his age - so it's not because a fear of the water. He's on the shy side and it may be because he's not comfortable with the instructor (who is very nice and very patient with him).
He has a class scheduled for this afternoon and has been crying about it all day. Do you force him to go or just forget it? I feel torn - because when he's there - he's so upset he's not learning anything and if I just don't bring him anymore I feel like he sort of "won" this battle and don't want him to think he could "cry" his way out of things he doesn't want to do.
I should also add that my son is pretty much a good kid - he doesn't have tantrums, is not a whiner and is pretty much well behaved, and has never cried his way out of anything before.
Thank you :)

Answer 1

I would still take him, BUT, Let him stay with you on the towel. Don't even get him close to the water. Just be there. Even if its for the whole class time. Next time, do the same thing....this will get him into the routine, he will know you won't force him to be uncomfortable, and he will probably decide its more fun to be in class than sitting on the towel.
My 3yr old spent the whole 2 weeks of her lessons on the steps of the pool because she was scared...the VERY last day she decided to jump in because it was her idea..not mine lol

Answer 2

I'm not sure what the right answer is but I'm going through the same with my 3 year old. This is the first year he's felt this way, he always loved the water before. In two weeks he starts group lessons at a pool where his big brother will be taking lessons at the other end of the pool. I'm paying $40/ child for group. A couple of years ago when I checked on private, it was at least twice that amount.

Answer 3

I agree with the person who suggested bringing him in early to play. Bring some little toys, let him be comfortable. At 3 years old, I don't think you should really have to force him. Something about the situation is obviously upsetting him.

Make it as calm and relaxing of an experience as possible. If he won't calm down, then it might be best to let him quit and try again next year. It isn't fair for the other kids (assuming this is a group thing) to be distracted by his crying. It could just make them anxious too.

That's great that you are getting your son swimming lessons! I hope to put my 5 year old in them next summer. She loves the water so much! But she gets shy and cries easily when surrounded by strangers. ... If you do have to take your son out, you may be able to help him prepare for next year by having him spend more time around new people.

Answer 4

I would say that if this is not a normal thing for him to do when he wants something his way, then I would drop the lessons until he is ready. You don't want your child to become afraid of the water because you forced him to his lessons. Try again next year or something. Or maybe go to the pool with him and swim around with him so he gets comfortable with the pool and the other people there.

Answer 5

Maybe you can pick a day once a week to teach him how to swim if he's so adamant against the class environment. Kids age 3-4 develop suddenly inexplicable fears that may seem puny to you but are mammoth to them.

If he's already a "good swimmer for his age" then he should be receptive to instruction from you.

However if youre still insistent on him learning from a teacher then pick one that will let you be there for the whole class. Also recruit another toddler friend of his so that he'll have a swim buddy to join him in the unfamiliar waters of a strange pool.

Answer 6

What your son is going through sounds normal for his age. It's up to you if you want to force your son to go or not. As a swim teacher for preschool kids for many years, there are usually a couple of kids that behave the way your son is behaving. What we were told to do was to treat this crying child as we would any of the others. We were to ask him if he wanted to join in with the other kids and if he didn't want to, that was fine and we moved on.

Sometimes it takes some kids a few times around to get used to the idea that being able to swim doesn't mean dog paddling but it's completely up to you. Just keep in mind that if you let him "win" on this issue, what happens the next time when he doesn't want to do something else?

Good luck!

Answer 7

3? Wow. He is scared out of his flippin mind! Its not a cry his way out...... he is THREE. Basically what is going to happen is this will actually cause problems in other areas as he feels that you have abandoned him and can not rely on you keeping him safe. Water is not eat your vegetables. Continue this and you will have issues even when he is 10.

On a lighter note. When I was FIVE my parents signed be up for classes. I was absolutly terrified. My parents tried to explain it to me but in the end the instructor informed my parents that they could not teach me..... they could not pry my hands from the edge. I remember this clearly. The pool did not feel right, the instucter did not feel right and the other kids did not seem so as well.

Later when I was in something like 4th or 5th grade I took a few of the Red Cross classes. I loved it. So many cards to earn to move from beginner to advanced. As a military brat we moved to Germany and I earned by lifeguard thing which is a big deal there.

My point. Later in life I joined the Army and at some point needed to go to scuba school though it was not my primary job and I loved it. I love to swim, snorkel and scuba dive if I have the opportunity to do so. I have taught classes in the military as well. And if you have doubt about this I am talking about Army Special Forces.

But I always have a good story to tell and it is sometimes in the back of my mind. I swim like a fish but I was absolutly terrified as a child. I used to cry at night because I had to go back there. So give it up..... he is three. You are not picking the right battle. Pull him out of that class and pick another later.

Answer 8

He's three - and it sounds like he's not ready. It won't do any damage. My son was four, and I signed him up for soccer - he cried and cried about going, cried all through the soccer practice.... it was so painful for both of us. I debated forcing him to stay at it, didn't want to be a "quitter". But I realized - hey, he never asked me to take soccer. We were just trying it out to see if he'd like it. No use traumatizing him over it. So we pulled him out. He's now 6 and LOVES soccer.

If it were me, i would pull your son out of swimming, wait 6 months or so and try again. I think swimming lessons are important, all kids should know how to swim, but if he's this upset, like you said, he's not getting anything out of it. And he's too young to understand any implications. Good luck!

Answer 9

Don't make him go. Makes me sad to think about a little guy crying by the pool because he doesn't want to do it. Wait and maybe next year he will be ready. you should take him on your own and go swimming so he can get comfortable with the idea, see other kids having fun, and there will be no pressure. Its hard to be 3.

Answer 10

I would continue the lessons...maybe you could show up early and "play" in the pool (or stay late and goof around). Or, you can tell him that you're going to have a special "dinner" after swim lessons, giving him something to look forward to. Does he have goggles? Maybe he needs them...or a cool pool toy? Something fun to take w/ him may comfort him. Good luck.