Do you turn down gifts?

Question

My boyfriend of 1yr 5months+ wants to buy me an expensive gift and I turn it down. The thing is, i feel if i accept it, i owe him something. Or that he's keeping score and one day ask for something saying "remember when I got you this~". Or that if we break up, I'd feel like i owe it to him to get something in return. I have never accepted anything he wanted to buy me. It makes him sad, but I feel weird. I also don't accept things from others, just not him.

Is it wrong of me? Should I open up more and let people buy me gifts? Or am i right to not accept gifts?

Anyone else like that also? Advice?

Its not that i'm selfish, its because some people tend to take scores (especially men) or say "can i have my gift back" as if a gift has to be returned. and some actually expect something in return if they give something. i just want to avoid those people

Answer 1

i used to be like that. i never wanted to owe anyone anything.
if there was any owing i wanted them to owe me....b/c i knew that to me, it never mattered...i would never collect on stuff.

then, i moved to the south and i made some good friends and i realized that people do stuff for each other b/c it makes them happy and who cares about a scorecard.
a good friend of mine is a hair stylist at a really posh salon in town. our husbands have been deployed for 6 months. during that time i watched her kids for her ALOT! she kept telling me that anytime i needed my hair done to make an appt.
i never did and never did and then finally it hit me....i SHOULD!!!
i felt that what i did for her was less than her doing my hair...i didn't want things to be uneven in our friendship.

we talked about it and she made me realize that i was being waaaaaaay too uptight and i needed to get used to trading with friends and letting people do things for me.

SO, your first step in changing your anal rententiveness about keeping score is to let your bf buy you a gift.

tell him your fears. tell him that you feel awkward and that it is unsettling to you and it's your problem and you don't want him to think he's doing anythign wrong.

hope this helps.

oh, by the way....it gets a lot easier when they give you a big sparkly ring ;)

Answer 2

The only answer for a gift is "thank you". By refusing a gift from another you are insulting them and it can be very embarrassing to the giver.

You seem to have a block about "keeping tabs or score" on who has given what. Try to release this and you will become more open to others. Life isn't about keeping score and the act of giving can make the giver feel absolutely wonderful and also when someone gives another a gift the look on the receiver's face can make the giver feel happy for hours or sometimes days.

Also, if you've been seeing your boyfriend for over a year then there is nothing wrong with an expensive gift as long as he can afford it and he doesn't feel obligated by pressure.

Open up and let others in.

Answer 3

If the gift is given from the heart with "not strings" attached, then it should be accepted.

If you believe there are or will be "strings attached" it should be declined.

Hopefully you are ONLY getting the "no strings" gifts from a boyfriend. Because if you feel there are strings attached... then there is problem with the relatioship that needs to be addressed that goes way beyond gifts.

As for should you return them when you break up? Nope. they were given to you. they are yours. Just like all the things you give him. I've never asked for anything back that I've given someone. Nor have i accepted anything back either. A couple of guys have asked or tried to give things back and i just tell them its theirs and they can do what they want with it.

Answer 4

If I was in that situation, I'd turn down the gift not because of anything you said above but because I wouldn't want someone spending a lot of money on me especially if it was something I didn't need. They could've spent that money on something more useful for themselves. I'd appreciate the gift of course but I'd feel weird. I would rather they give me a small, inexpensive but meaningful gift.

Answer 5

I'm like that as well. I don't know why I don't like accepting gifts because I love to give them! I feel bad when someone gets me something, as though they shouldn't be spending their hard earned money on me. I accept them but I also feel guilty. I also think of it as a keeping score thing. When my girlfriend got me a weekend in NYC for my birthday and I couldn't afford something that nice for hers, I felt bad that I could only afford to get her a nice necklace. Perhaps it's a self-esteem issue? I'm not sure.

Answer 6

I don’t know enough about you to truly answer this question as well as I normally could but what first comes to mind is God and the gifts he brings to all of us every day. Perhaps your boyfriend is one of these gifts? If that’s true, why does he feel like he must give more? Also man always feels like they must give more! So the question you really should ask is “Why is he bringing me these gifts?” and to truly know him; well that takes a lot of local advice ask your parents, pastor, Jesus (but he often takes longer to answer your questions) and anyone who has a truly successful marriage. Good luck and God bless!!!

Answer 7

are you having sex? if yes, take the gifts, he is already getting more then enough from you. you will owe him nothing.

if your not having sex, it could be a problem, he might hold it against you, but as a boyfriend of over 1 year, you should be able to accept his gifts.
and, he is trying to get you to like him enough to sleep with him, its normal.

you should not accept gifts from men who are not your boyfriend, they will expect something in return.

Answer 8

accept it! some people are givers and some are receivers. if he feels that he would like to give you a gift he probably just wants to surprise you and make you happy. He is not expecting something in return.

Answer 9

well thats a great way of not letting people in and making them feel rejected.

I only do that with people that annoy me. granted, even with things that sometimes I may be better off accepting.

just because some one buys a gift doesnt make you indebted to them - its a gift. your thinking of making a deal - in which case you are.

your seeming to be paranoid of people that try to make use of others emotions. That would make me suspicious of you.

Answer 10

why wouldn't u accept gifts.. always know gift will be given by the person's ability and its sign of warmth and love so y say no to it???