I know this is long but this is very good advice i got somewhere:
--Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.--Know your partner's beliefs about relationships. Different people have different and often conflicting beliefs about relationships. You don't want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they'll create it where it doesn't exist. Learn to adjust your life to your partners needs and your partner does the same. Key is to learn where not to cross the line.
--Don't confuse sex with love. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love.
-Know your needs and speak up for them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. At times you will have to give up part(s) of your lifestyle, and at most times it will be of discomfort to you at first, but if you truly care about your partner, you will deal. If not the result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader.
-Relationships are fragile, therefore you must not think of only yourself. It is not about what you want anymore, it's about dealing with disappointment, know that your life isn't over if you don't get to do all of the things that you were used to before you got into a relationship. If you still want to go out and have a good time without your partner or knowing that your partner is uncomfortable with such, then sad to say, you are not ready for a relationship.
-View yourselves as a team, which means you are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths and have to learn to change those perspectives. That, according to relationship expert Diane Sollee, M.S.W., director of SmartMarriages, an international effort to teach relationship skills to couples, is the value of a team—your differences.
-Know how to respect and manage differences; it's the key to success in a relationship. Disagreements does sink relationships. Name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable byproduct of the differences between two people. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them. Relationships do not match with stubbornness, selfishness, and such. It's not about you anymore. You chose to be in a relationship, you can learn to deal with it or you just don't.If you don't understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk and explore, don't assume.
Solve problems as they arise. Don't let resentments simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies.
Learn to negotiate. Modern relationships no longer rely on roles cast by the culture. Couples create their own roles, so that virtually every act requires negotiation. It works best when good will prevails. Because people's needs are fluid and change over time, and life's demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time. In negotiation, only negotiate in terms that you have support on such as, beliefs (strong ones), morals, and good stance. Know that you can't negotiate non-sense.
-Listen, truly listen, to your partner's concerns and complaints without judgment. Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need. It opens the door to confiding. And empathy is crucial. Look at things from your partner's perspective as well as your own. It will hurt to let go of some parts of your lifestyles, but if you truly are ready to be in a relationship, you will do.
-Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn't happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn't an end goal; it's a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.
Take a long-range view. A marriage is an agreement to spend a future tgether. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you're both on the same path. Update your dreams regularly.
-Never underestimate the power of good grooming.
Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.
Never go to sleep angry. Try a little tenderness.
-Apologize, apologize, apologize. Anyone can make a mistake. Repair attempts are crucial—highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy marriage. As long as you take steps for the team and not for yourself, you will be alright. There is not an I in team.
-Some dependency is good, but complete dependency on a partner for all one's needs is an invitation to unhappiness for both partners. We're all dependent to a degree—on friends, mentors, spouses—and men have just as many dependency needs as women. Know where the line is and don't and I repeat don't push them because you will just end up loosing.
-Maintain self-respect and self-esteem. It's easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have. Meaningful work—paid or volunteer—has long been one of the most important ways to exercise and fortify a sense of self.
-Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship. The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.
-Cooperate, cooperate, cooperate. Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets, with much give and take.
Stay open to spontaneity.
Maintain your energy. Stay healthy.
-If you decide at any point in the relationship to live with your romantic partner, as long as you enter that stage knowing that life itself will change critically. You MUST let yourself, your guard and defenses down. Sex and understanding will be key to this life change. Don't at any circumstances do anything that you know will upset your partner and end up hurting your relationship. Your life is not over just because your not fully free to do what you please, you chose that path, walk down it and don't frown. There is such a thing that people refer to as unspoken agreements, just because you haven't spoken them don't mean they are not there.
-Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs and do not ride at a continuous high all the time. No relationship is perfect all the time. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship stronger.
-Make good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself. Don't just run away from a bad relationship; you'll only repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what part of you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.
2007-09-06 06:48:46
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answer #1
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answered by Nita and Michael 7
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There are a few important dynamics you should look for in a realationship. Honesty, loyalty, sincereness, understanding to name a few. Relationships are wonderful if you're with the right person. You have to first know yourself, what are you looking for in someone, what attracts you to them, do you have romantic chemistry? How do you want and think you should be treated? All good questions to ask yourself. Is he a good listener, does he console you when you're grieving, is he a good communicator? I personally like to ask myself alot of questions, not to be picky, rather to find what I'm looking for. Also how is he around children, is he good with them, does he dislike kids? If he doesnt like kids, then long term might not be your best bet. You have to find a true gentleman and never allow yourself to be disrespected. Find out as much as you can about him, and then decide whats best for you. Good luck!
2007-09-06 06:50:21
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answer #2
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answered by ? 1
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