I realize he has a serious mental condition he can't control, and I don't think he realizes or remembers the tirades he has, but I do and they are hurtfull. I try to remember he's sick but I can't be understanding much longer it's like living with Jeckyl and Hyde. He can be very sweet then something sets him off and he's a different person and I don't think he even remembers it. I want to help him but love and compassion don't help neither do drugs because when he's manic he doesn't even want to hear about taking meds, so I just let him rant and rave. Should I leave and let him fend for himself? He keeps saying he's going to leave but doesn't and if he does I will really worry about him on his own.
2007-09-06 06:29:57 · 16 answers · asked by Dee 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
My thanks to all of you for your answers. Nice to know I'm not alone in this. I can't pick a best answer, they are all the best as far as I'm concerned. Unfortunately I have been with this man for 25 years, some good some bad and this is the hardest decision I have had to make. I just wish it was like those people who come out of a coma after years but judging by these answers the consensus is to leave but I'm scared for him not for him, I'm a strong maybe more stubborn person but it's so hard to give up, sometimes he's my best friend sometimes my worst enemy. But thanks again it helps to hear from everyone. God Bless You all.
2007-09-10 06:22:09 · update #1
LEAVE: it only get's worse & you can't fix him.
2007-09-06 06:34:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a book called Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner, by Julie Fast and John Preston. Get it and read it. It has good practical tips.
My daughter is Bipolar and she absolutely gets verbally abusive and a bit physical when she is manic or in a mixed state. While I agree that the illness should not be used as an excuse, it really is devastating and when they are in one of those episodes I don't think they can always control it. The key is preventing the situation in the first place or at least keeping it from escalating. That's where their responsibility comes in. They need to not only use and stay on medication, but also get extensive therapy to help them develop coping skills and help recognize and prevent the triggers. It can take a long time to find the right balance. My daughter has tried many different meds and we have been through several psychiatrists.
I can't tell you what you should do; it really depends on how strongly you feel about this person. However, you could give him an ultimatum of sorts when he is NOT having an episode. Explain that if he does not do his part to control his condition you may not stick around. You should also check out the NAMI website (I think it's nami.org) for support. It would help you to get some therapy yoursefl. I did and it has helped me tremendously in the way I deal with my daughter and has taught me ways to diffuse a situation before it escalates out of control. Good Luck.
2007-09-06 07:56:24 · answer #2 · answered by neni 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is a very hard subject. I have a close family member with a severe case of bipolar and she is ruining alot of lives. She just "tried" getting help in the hospital and decided after 2 weeks she is "better". I just want to run and hide from her and never have to think about it or deal with but the sad fact is that someone has to. Her and her hubby have 3 children and it is a very very bad situation. If you do not have kids with this man and you are not tied to him you might want to seriously think about leaving him. I am not going to tell you what to do only giving you some advice. If it was possible for me to not be involved in the life of the person I know I would. I know what people like this can do and it is devastating not only to you but to them and others around. They can ruin just about anything and go from completely lucid to an all out psychotic rage in a flash. She also refuses to take her meds on a reg. basis and makes things even more difficult then neede. If you do decide to stay with him then try to get him help. Make consequenses for his actions or when he purposely won't take meds. Threaten to leave for awhile so he will get help. The only reason the person I know even decided to get 2 weeks of help is because the husband was going to leave her and take away the kids. I know that even hospitilization will only help for a little while also. I will pray for you and all I can say is: living with, taking care of, and loving someone with bipolar (especially severe) is going to cost you alot so be prepared to give up alot of things. He will never be completely better even with doctors help so you have to be willing to be there for all the good and all the bad (which I can gaurantee there will be way more bad). I wish you the best and I hope that you will find your answers.
2007-09-06 06:45:50 · answer #3 · answered by JoJo 78 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you already know what you should do. In all things in life you should always worry about your own safety and when you doubt it, then you should remove yourself from the situation.
My ex had a chemical imbalance and was verbally abusive too, and many times he'd say things that really hurt. He'd tell me I could never leave, I'd never find anyone anyways. It's a self-distructive thing that many people have/do because it's what they grew up with...
On the other hand my husband was said to have bi-polar disorder years ago and after a complete change in lifestyle he's perfectly ok. If I hadn't stuck with him in the beginning when he was just coming out of it, I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now.
What I suggest you do, talk to his family, tell them the situation, then leave for a while. What your bf might need is some time in the hospital... I don't know what to tell you, accept that if you need help getting out of this situation contact the police, because it may very well come to that.
I'd worry about yourself more than I'd worry about him my dear.
Good luck and God Bless!
2007-09-06 07:36:12 · answer #4 · answered by Milosmommy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, stop feeling sorry for him. He can control his disease.
I have alot of BP members of my family, including my mother.
My Uncle who has BP, has taken his meds, sees his doctor twice a month and has gone to the occasion group therapy and support groups. He and his wife have been happily married for 30 years and retired at the top of the Police Force. My brother has BP, again has always taken his meds, got med adjustments when needed, sees a therapist and regularily exercises religiousily. Has been happily married for 22 years and is a successful professional. However, my mother, thinks she is not mentally ill and just has a 'chemical imbalance'. She has never taken any treatment besides her medication that she stops taking at least once a year and then ends up in the psych wards. Her entire life she was and she is emotionally, physically and verbally abusive to everyone. I will not leave her alone with my children and we don't invite her to family get togethers.
If he is always going off of his meds and doesn't seek additional therapies then things will stay as they are. You need to think of your own happiness and your own mental health. Also, unless they are catatonic, they remember everything. You can't help him, he has to help himself, and he can and will if he wants too. Some people like their mental illness and like how they control people with it and they get what they want because of it. Do be blinded. Get out while you still can.
2007-09-06 06:51:22 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I moved here to get married a month ago,, she did (to her credit) told me she was diagnosed with Bi-polar from childhood, (at the time I was impressed with her persona and It SEEMED we had a lot in common)
since I was going to move to this particular state anyway as well as remained celibate and single for 7yrs) I took a chance and married her,, (BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!) If you want to be Blaimed for everything that ever happened in that persons life (and you will be...) Run!,, I later found out she was not on her meds for 11yrs,,, a person that has unmedicated bipolar will lie, manipulate, cheat and yes physically, mentally, harm you,,, like someone else said its not IF they will do this ,, Its when,,, if you know anyone who no matter what they do ,,state that "Its all your fault" and even after you see them do it , say "I didn t do that" RUUUUUUUN! I Also later found out that most of her family has either Bi-polar or Adhd,,
And before you think you can love them thru it,, think again ,, they will wear that resolve out Fast!
this is the first and only relationship (even from childhood) that Ever lasted 11mo... sad to say...
2015-09-08 11:52:17 · answer #6 · answered by Hildre 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as he cannot help some of his actions, he must remember also that he can control many of his behaviors.
Sometimes it becomes a manipulation as they can just blame it on the bipolar. He needs to be accountable for that and realize you are not the target of his outbursts.
There are many classes to help those with bipolar. I have dealt with someone with this condition in my family, and they have to take some of the responsibility for their behaviors.
Please.. try to find some support for you, as it is very hard to be around someone that is verbally abusive, and it will start to takes it's toll on your health. If it becomes to the point that you need to leave for your own safety please do that.
You have that right to feel safe..
My best to you dear girl..
2007-09-06 06:43:49 · answer #7 · answered by Barbara * 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
um i have bipolar and diet helps alot also for me i get verry verry angre with the people around me expecaly a day or so after drinking alcohol so maby ask him to try not tp drink for a while and see if his moods are any different also medication helps alot yes it is verry hard 2 get it just right as i am finding out at the moment lol but just tell him how u feel about his moods :)
2007-09-06 07:05:47 · answer #8 · answered by seren 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Run Forrest, run!
These people, however sad it is, are just like pit bull dogs, it isn't a matter of if they will hurt you, it is when.
While love can do a lot, you have to be totally committed to helping him, and you will be forever helping him, to just barely be able to function in a normal everyday manner.
He is sick, and it isn't your job to care for him. He needs to decide for himself to take his meds, and realize he will always have to take them. Not on his schedule, but the doctor's. Until he realizes this, you will be spinning your wheels.
I wish the both of you good luck.
Stevo.
2007-09-06 06:43:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I had (emphasis on had) a boyfriend exactly like describe. Honey, dump the guy. You will have to eventually, so do it sooner rather than later. I was fortunate, he did find someone to put up with his illness, I was not. I feel sorry for them both, but I do not have a self persecution complex.
2007-09-06 06:41:05 · answer #10 · answered by Mezmarelda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally know someone with bipolar mania and it isnt easy especially if you love or care about them. Try talking to him in a calm voice and try not to think that its about you when is yelling because chances are, he doesnt realize he is doing it. When he has an episode try to think positive and try to help him take his meds... even though the side effects are bad sometimes hopefully in the long run it will do more good.
Good luck.
2007-09-06 06:37:07 · answer #11 · answered by G 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋