My 4 year old was taken care of by Grandma alot when he was growing up ( I was on bed rest for two pregnancies). If he wanted something or didnt want something, he would wine and start to cry and then he would start itching his legs (exzima). So we would go and pick him up and do whatever we could to calm him down so he wouldnt itch hinself until he bled. Well now he is older and I dont think it is ok for him to wine. If he starts to itch when he doesnt get what he wants, i just put him in the corner and tell him that if he wants to throw a fit he can do it by himself. That helped alot with that. But now he wines even more than before. He wines if he cant get his shoes on,if someone has his toy, if grandma is taking too long to get his food ready (that gets too me, but she thinks its cute). How do I teach him to use words to let me know when he needs help? My parents raised me to think it is not ok to cry, I dont want to do that to him, but when he starts school he will get picked on.
2007-09-06 05:13:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
When my daughter starts to whine, I tell her "Mommy doesn't understand when you speak in that tone, try to use your words to tell mommy what you want" and she usually takes a deep breath, and starts over in her 'normal' voice. When she is crying, I make sure I tell her "It's okay to cry, but why don't we try to figure out why you are crying so we can talk about it". That way she doesn't feel bad for crying, or think it's a bad thing, but she also learns to problem solve at the same time.
2007-09-06 05:17:28 · answer #1 · answered by izzymo 5 · 7⤊ 1⤋
I tell my kids it's ok to cry if they are hurt or sad but NOT when they want something. If they come to me crying or whining they go straight to their rooms and absolutely do NOT get what they want. They've finally learned that if they want something 9 times out 0f 10 I'll say ok but never ever if they cry about it. I can't stand whining and crying and thankfully they remember that most of the time.
But since you guys gave in so much already (which I admit was done with my oldest as well for a short time) you just have to tell him exactly what you expect and exactly what the punishment will be and then do NOT give in. It won't be fun for you for a few days but it'll get better when he realizes you mean it.
Good luck! ;-)
2007-09-06 12:30:03 · answer #2 · answered by . 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Crying because you're really hurt or because you're really sad is one thing. But crying just to get what you want is another. And it sounds like you are headed the right direction to curb the later behavior. You will know the difference. And to start, explain why you will not tolerate the whining, then when it continues... and it will... Be firm, you may have to ignore the whining all together. He has figured out that the whining causes the desired affect. If it gets no affect.. then he'll stop. But, you'll have to be firm, patient, and above all consistent. Good luck.
2007-09-06 12:27:59 · answer #3 · answered by LawComm 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is completely different than crying. When my son whines I stop what I am doing for him and tell him that I will not continue to cook, or help him until he talks to me in an adult voice. Also if my son pouts or whines because he can not do something like put shoes on I make him stop and look at me. Then I tell him that whining is not going to make his shoes go on his feet and that if he needs help all that he has to do is come to me and ask politely. And then I will help. The time out is also a good idea. But you need to nip this in the bud. You don't want a whiny teenager on your hands.
2007-09-06 12:27:09 · answer #4 · answered by Pdoodles 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
When it comes to whining I stopped both my kids from doing it by whining back at them. They hated hearing it and when I would remind them that that's how they sounded to me and that's why I would tune them out. They stopped and thought about it.
I taught the kids that words were important not the noise that came with them.
And crying is always okay as long as there is a reason for it. I was a cry baby when I was little and had to learn when it was alright to cry (peers are great teachers for this).
2007-09-06 12:34:38 · answer #5 · answered by LJ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dont let him whine. He has words and he can use them like a big boy, otherwise, you cannot talk with him about it if he speaks by whining.
Just like he has to go throw a fit in the corner by himself, its the same with whining. He's not allowed to do it either.
Tell him he can use his words like a big boy. He is not a brat and he's not a baby, therefore he does not whine. You dont whine in your family, its ugly.
Thats that. Just dont put up with it. Whining and crying are two things. He can cry when his heart or body is hurt, thats fine. But to cry because he cant have his way is the same thing as a tantrum or whining. Let him know that. He has words and he can communicate like a big boy, and you will treat him like one. Or he can whine and cry like a baby an dyou will treat him like a baby.
2007-09-06 12:18:02 · answer #6 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
nip it in the bud. When he starts to while put him in his room, tell him you will only listen to him when he stops whining. He knows very well that he can get what he wants by whining. There is a big diff between whining and crying. If he cries because youy won't give in to the whining, its basicly the same thing. Let him cry if he is hurt, scared, ect. But not just to get his way.
2007-09-06 12:19:49 · answer #7 · answered by parental unit 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A couple thing...
1. Whining is what kids do best and they grow out of it...well come to think of it my husband still whines sometimes.
2. Maybe he is whining cause you havent done anything about the eczema. Dont blame grandma here. You are lucky to have her help.
My son HAD eczema and when it returns I use a Eucerin CREAM. It comes in a tub and is concentrated. NOT THE LOTION cause that can burn. Whenit was just starting out and pretty bad I put it on him EVERYDAY especially after a bath. There are also soaks that you can use. An oatmeal based soak that you can put in the tub. His eczema is gone for the most part but when I se eit return on his wrist or behind his knee I put on the Eucerin Cream and it is gone soon thereafter.
About getting picked on at preschool for whining...i would not worry aboutthat...they are all whining and they dont pick on eachother till later...not in preschool
2007-09-06 12:25:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
My sons four and does tend to whine sometimes but more when he's tired than anything else. I just tell him that we don't do whining if he wants something he's to talk properly and ask for help politely and tell him its okay o cry if he's hu or upset but he's not to whine.
2007-09-06 12:31:16 · answer #9 · answered by kazz06 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I tell my 4-year-old daughters, "I can't understand you when you talk to me like that" and DO NOT RESPOND to whatever they're asking for. Maybe follow up with a "if you ask me in a nice tone of voice I might be able to help you."
Their preschool teachers always say "Use your words" and that one works pretty well too.
2007-09-06 18:11:51 · answer #10 · answered by Kimberly R 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋