Here is the scenario. One of our best friend's husband's father has just died (or friend's father-in-law). We consider our friend's husband to be a friend of ours as well, but only know him through his marriage to our friend. We will definitely be going to the visitation, but don't know whether we should go to the funeral as well. We did not know his father well, but have met him on a number of occasions. If it was our friend's dad we would definitely be going to the funeral, but now that it is a friend's husband (who is also our friend but with less of a history) we don't know what the protocol is. Any insight would be appreciated.
2007-09-06 04:47:52 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I am not looking for an excuse not to go...just my husband doesn't think we should go and I do...looking for a third party perspective that is all.
2007-09-06 04:56:58 · update #1
Your absence may not be noticed as much as it would be if it were the funeral of the father of the actual friend. For that same reason, your presence at this funeral in this situation may be more noticed and therefore more meaningful for the fact that you are an extended or more casual acquaintance. It will be obvious that you came because you care, not out of any sense of obligation to someone closer. It will be well appreciated, especially by your "friend-in-law" himself. If you can find the time, I would definitely recommend that you attend.
Giovanni Geezus said it right, you won't be missed if you're not there, but like I suggested, you will be noticed and appreciated if you are there.
2007-09-06 05:16:44 · answer #1 · answered by Boris Bumpley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were my friend, reguardless to weather I know the father or not...I would go to the funeral to support my friend. There is nothing I can do to help my friend's father but I can let my friend know I'm there for him/her in times of sorrow. It means a lot to a suffering person to know that they have a friend that's willing to be with them during such a hard and hurting time.
2007-09-06 11:56:29 · answer #2 · answered by use 2 b lost 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funerals are for the living more than for the dead. If you think that your friend and her husband would appreciate the support of your presence, then I think that you should go. It may be helpful for you friend to have someone there who is not so emotionally involved to give her support as she supports her husband.
2007-09-06 11:53:25 · answer #3 · answered by jml167 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think going to the wake is sufficient. I think the funeral is for family and very close friends. However, I don't think it would be inappropriate to go either. It's a judgment call on your part. Would you be comfortable going to the funeral?
My friend's aunt passed away recently and I decided to go to the wake, but not the funeral. I am very close with my friend, but never met her aunt. I asked her if she wanted me to go to the funeral to be there for her and she said that it wasn't necessary as she would be with her family.
I hope this helped!
2007-09-06 12:13:32 · answer #4 · answered by Not quite perfect 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the gesture of going to visitation is plenty. Send flowers for the day of the funeral. This will let them know your thoughts are with them, yet, let the family have their privacy at the funeral.
2007-09-06 11:53:14 · answer #5 · answered by pink 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go...keeping tabs on how you know someone or who you have a longer history with in order to determine whom you should support in times of need is kind of superficial. Be a friend.
2007-09-06 12:21:35 · answer #6 · answered by Michele 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going to the wake is the proper thing to do...it is not necessary for you to go to the funeral....that is usually for those who knew the deceased personally.
2007-09-06 11:57:44 · answer #7 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go to the funeral, but not the burial. I would also make some food to take to the repass(visitation).
2007-09-06 12:29:14 · answer #8 · answered by Tonya W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the visitation. You won't be missed at the funeral.
2007-09-06 11:52:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think I'd go to the funeral. You didn't know him very well, and it's acceptable either way.
2007-09-06 12:45:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋