my 20 year old daughter never listens to any of my useful advice but always inturrupts and talks too much?

Question

my 20 year old daughter always talks but never listens. As a father I wish to give her good future and better education. I suggest her good reading habits, making good friends, mingling with others, good eating habits and expect her to work hard in her studies and also work for alround knowledge. but she doesn't hear me much. she is somewhat tensed personality due to which she develops health problems like gastritis requiring hospitalisation. i regret i am not able to guide her well to my satisfaction so that she could gain good knowledge and excel in life in future

Answer 1

I think it's funny that you are posting in the Parenting Toddler and Preschool section - some things never change right (lol) a toddler doesn;t listen either!So it is very appropriate!
I'll bet you that she is listening to you. She may not act on those suggestions but she is listening. Young people have a hard time making their way and she is probably focusing in on where she fits in in this world - that is a 24-7 effort. But you are one of THE most important people in her world and she is listening and will process that info on her own time.
You sound like a great parent who loves and cares so remember not to nag but to kindly suggest since you WILL get more bees with honey (as the saying goes).

Answer 2

Your attention and care is getting through completely, don't worry. You are (with a time-lapse) teaching her that the world cares about her, the way she behaves, and the way she takes care of herself.
Your effect on her is very profound. You are completely unique in her life, and everything you do or say is hugely magnified in her mind and emotions----thoughts of you and your advice will follow her her whole life, and she will always think of you affectionately.
This advice is not going to show results immediately----maybe in 10, 20 years, or even when she's 60---but it is very powerful stuff. What's important is not the "specific" advice you give her, but the fact that you care enough to advise her at all.
At 20, she must rebel in many ways to build her own "self"---she has no control over this. Women also express every detail verbally of things they do or don't like, and men are usually offended by this. But women are verbal, and the tiniest things in their lives are seen as causes for serious complaints.
Your work is going to pay off----she will probably have a very long life-----when she needs it most. She will be able to live in the real world, with the confidence that her father cares how well she lives, and how well she does.
Something concrete you can do, to tell her your concern years in the future, is to be sure your will is in order, and that you leave her something as a bequest. Write in that "will" document what you feel, and how much your daughter means to you. That is a message for her future that she will treasure, that she doesn't understand now. That is something you can do right now that will travel into her future, to show her your fatherly love and concern.

Answer 3

She still has 3 years before she can legally marry him. Try to get proof that he's breaking the no contact rule and show it at court. She breaks curfew or anything of the sort, call the cops. Let them take her to jail or juvie whatever it is, maybe it'll knock some common sense into her. She's going to learn one way or the other. If she's not already sleeping with him she will be soon and could very well end up pregnant. And then when he wants nothing to do with her anymore she'll come crying home. Sometimes you just have to let your kids learn the hard way.

Answer 4

It seems to me that all you want in the world is for your daughter to do well. However you may be causing your daughters health problems. Maybe your "suggestions" come off too strongly and she might be getting oppressive vibes from you. Young girls will often too try to gain acceptance from men in bad relationships because they never first gained acceptance with their fathers.
Could you ask yourself "what is more important to me? That she learn how to have good habits and make lots of money and be successful? Or that she be healthy and happy?" I think that if she is in college she is already on the road to success. Try to just be supportive of her. She'll always be tense if Daddy is on the sidelines waiting for her to screw up so that he can put more pressure on her. Your daughter could work herself into bleeding ulcers and an early grave if you keep hounding her this way.

Answer 5

20 is a tough age & she probably thinks she knows better than you do. She hears your advice even if she isn't currently heeding it and will eventually appreciate that you always had her best intentions in mind.
You have not failed as a parent. You seem very caring and it sounds like you're doing what you think best. Don't give up on her. Be stern when you need to tell her something and don't let her interrupt.

EDIT..
As a parent, your job is never done. If you feel you need to still guide her, then go ahead and speak your mind.

Answer 6

She's an adult, the time of hands on direction is over. Once she turned 18 it became time to let her go out and put into practice all the training and knowledge you gave her for life. Your job switched from that of someone holding her hand, to someone waiting in the back ground for her to come to for direction.

Imagine being an adult, out in the world, trying to make your own life and successes and learn from your own mistakes, and all the while having a parent nagging you in the back ground about EVERYTHING you do. How you eat, what you eat, who you talk to when you talk to them, what you do where you go. Imagine that happening to you. You wouldnt see it as helpful, you'd see it as threatening and annoying. Because it is. She's an adult and your encroaching on her rights to choose who to be.

To her all she hears is that you're expecting and waiting for her to fail. By always pointing out to her how to do everything, all she understands is that she isnt good enough and cannot succeed as an adult in life. You love your daughter, but this is not how to express it.

You need to realize that you have spent 20 years teaching and guiding her, showing her what to do and how to do it, giving her words of advice and direction, and now its time to expect her to put those years to work. If you have confidence in the job you have done as a parent then you wouldnt worry about her as an adult.

Step back, tell her you love her and you're proud of her, and let her know she can come to you for anything. And then let her be. You might know how to do something better because you've already done it, but that doesnt mean that she has to do it that way too.

Answer 7

I have to say that while you obviously care about your daughter, you probably come across as a control freak to her. We do have to make our own mistakes so you should just let her know that you are there for her when she needs advice and support. You will have to bite your lip and stop giving unwanted advice or she will never accept your help. Oh yes, try not to be judgemental either, it's a surefire way of getting her on the defensive.
Good Luck

Answer 8

Your 20 year old daughter is not a Toddler or Preschooler, she is an adult. So, 1 - you're in the wrong category, and 2 - she's is an adult so she can talk however much she likes and make her own decisions.

Answer 9

I think it is great that you want what is best for your daughter, but at this age "daddy" isn't their favorite person to talk to. You aren't always going to be there to give her advice, fix her mistakes, and back her up. She'll make plenty of mistakes in her college years from not taking your advice, and she will learn from them. Maybe you should give your daughter a little more space. She will learn from her mistakes and realize you were right and care about her. She needs to learn how to make her own decisions. Good luck!

Answer 10

Your daughter is an adult. Unfortunately for you, she doesn't have to listen to your advice any more. You should just let her make her own mistakes and then be there to support her when she needs you. That doesn't mean you shouldn't let her suffer the consequences of her mistakes, just be there to give her moral support when she needs it. And try not to say I told you so.