Me and my "friend" are in a 9 month non-relationship. He told me from the begining he didnt want a GF and when things become GF/BF things get weird. I was in total agreement I am just getting over a divorce I have 2 children who have never seen me with anyone but thier father. I am not comfortable bringing anyone into my home around them yet. This guy has been there for me when I need him. When I had a death in my family he never left my side. We can talk for hours we make each other laugh and we spend alot of time together.
The problem is no matter what we are disscussing he always ends it with "and thats why I dont want a GF". He says things like dont get attached dont fall in love. So even though I am not ready either these statements put me on the defense. I am constantly asking if hes tired of me yet, or reminding him we have no commitment he can move on whenever he wants. He says I push him away. I think my feelings r getting hurt here and the best thing to do is walk away.
2007-09-06 03:25:55 · 19 answers · asked by Angel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
doesn't sound that way to me... sounds like he is really into you... i think he doesn't want to pressure you and doesn't want to be pressured... if nothing negative is happening between you then why would you want to end the friendship (w/benefits)? as far as his little comments go... if you are tired of hearing it, say to him... yea, i know, i have heard you say it before... however, i am starting to wonder who you are trying to convince... you or me... and start laughing... hopefully he will get the hint....
2007-09-06 03:32:53 · answer #1 · answered by Jeanette 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Things have already gotten weird from the sounds of it. You've already begun acting like someone in a relationship obsessing over what he's thinking. I'm not sure your the type of person who can have a relationship that has no intention of becoming anything other than sexual. If he's truly not looking for a relationship picking someone whom he's friends with, who is in a difficult state emotionally/financially/responsibility wise doesn't seem to be the wisest choice on his part. Seems to me your getting set up for being hurt so, I'd walk on. Your children are the most important thing right now and they need time to adjust to life as it is for them now. Finding their and your families grounding post-divorce can in my opinion be a make or break situation for the family and kids futures. I'm not saying to not date (and everything that comes with that) but keep it not serious and yourself away from heartbreak so they have a strong, happy mommy not a lonely or sad one. Good luck.
2007-09-06 03:40:03 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are the only one who can make that choice, you knew from the start that is wasnt a relationship...me personally if he has been there for you and stuff, keep him around it isnt hurting anyone he is a friend and not many people have really great friends like that...so why would you give up a really good friend cause he says some silly things like "that is why i dont have a gf...just leave it for a while and see what happens later on..
2007-09-06 03:32:17 · answer #3 · answered by sweetn4real2001 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he is playing head games with you. He is constantly reminding himself he is not going to get into a committment.
I commend you for taking your time and respecting your children by not bringing a new man into their lives and confusing them.
I think maybe you need a break from your "friend". and you should maybe date a little and not be so available. Men do not connect sex in any way with love or emotional attachment. They are simply getting their rocks off so to speak. They go thru all the motions with women just to get sex and sometimes that can be very frustrating.
It all depends on what you really want. Dont confuse the 9 months you have spent with him for anything but being a sex relationship. The one thing I learned is if a man says he is not feeling love emotions....he means it.
2007-09-06 03:36:27 · answer #4 · answered by happydawg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you both need to step away from this 'relationship', he clearly doesn't want anything more than to use you...you are just coming off a divorce and are probably more than a bit vulnerable and a bit confused.
You should end it, focus on what you really want, focus on your kids. Make your kids priority #1, someone worthy of you and your kids will eventually come along. This guy sounds like he doesn't care.
Tell him the benefits stop today...I'll bet the friendship ends soon after...because I believe that's why he sticks around. I don't mean to sound cruel, but I've been on both sides of this situation and it never works out.
2007-09-06 03:36:17 · answer #5 · answered by Grand Poobah 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, last time I had a friend with benefits, we would get together with OTHER friends to do friend things but would never talk about serious stuff and in fact, we really had nothing in common. Only when we were alone together, did we get to making out and stuff, and then after that was over, I'd go home or she'd go home and that would be that. Then, I found out her step-sister had the hots for me and I thought her step-sister was a great girl and the two ended up fighting over me and it ended up ending both relationships. I wish something had happened between me and that friend with benefit's step-sister...something serious. We had A LOT in common and I wish I knew where she was now. I have so many damn regrets when it comes to past relationships or could-have-beens. Sorry I got to chatting so much. Good luck.
2007-09-06 03:43:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your guy must be frustrated from a previous relationship or traumatized from an unpleasant experience from his past. Or simply he doesn't feel anything for you. I don't understand which are his reasons, but it seems that your are in trouble. The best thing to do is walk away and find somebody else who look at you and see the women , not the friend. In my country people says that a friendship doesn't turn ever in a love story!
2007-09-06 03:39:30 · answer #7 · answered by Radu M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he says "and that's why i don't want a girlfriend" because he's trying to avoid feelings that he's developing for you.......
I think he's falling for you and that's why he feels that you push him away. I think you need to decide if you do want something more with him because if you don't i think you'll find that he will get more attached and hurt when he realises that it's not going anywhere.
The problem is that he probably does want a relationship with you but is scared because he thinks things will "go weird" if you do start "dating".
Maybe talk to him about these comments he's making and how you feel about them and see what he says.
Chi Chi x.
2007-09-06 03:38:47 · answer #8 · answered by Chi Chi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this is really hard, but this in not a healthy relationship, he seems very controlling also. the best thing to do in this situation is to just walk away, you can find someone who will respect you, rather than this relationship, you will end up getting very hurt if you continue with this so called relationship.
2007-09-06 03:31:36 · answer #9 · answered by bonnielynn73 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Friends with benefits means simply that if you find that this is messing with your head and find it difficult to deal with and are afraid of getting hurt because you feel you are investing more feellings than him, RUN away now, don't walk.
2007-09-06 03:37:16 · answer #10 · answered by kat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋