I have a 6 year old. Older moms only please.?

Question

Who is in backtalking mode. You ask him to do something he says no or I don't have too. I have taken things away tried putting him in the corner yet nothing seems to work. Can i get osme input on what else i could be doing to get him to stop this?

Answer 1

Have clear rules and clear consequences and reward desired behaviors.

First, have a chart with rules. You can include not doing what he is told as well as other things that might need changing. Then, have it clearly noted after each "breach of the rule" what the consequence will be. It puts the "blame" on the chart and not on you. Set a timer for timeouts. Your son has to be silent during the timeout. Once he his silent, then start the timer. It helps to have timeouts in an area that isn't overly stimulating. My son got to face a solid white wall for his timeouts.

Always follow the same pattern. If you become inconsistent, your son will feel anxious and that will make him more likely to break the rules. He's testing your boundaries. Just keep punishing him the same way every time and he'll get the idea.

Reward your son for making it through times he usually can't behave during. My son got to pick out a treat at the store if he didn't fuss or beg for things. He learned real quick that I am in charge of what goes in the buggy and that -- when he behaves -- he gets a reward. Figure out his favorite things. Maybe an extra 15 minutes of playing a game or reading, or whatever he loves.

Answer 2

My boy has gotten into screaming back at me when he doesn't want to do something or telling me to shut up. I did all the nice stuff for a while then that stopped working.
If he does it once I tell him "You aren't grown enought to speak to me that way and you better apologize to me" and to whoever else is in the room at the time! If it happens again, tobasco a drop on the tongue usually gets him calm but a third time gets a swat on his butt. If it is real serious he gets 3 or 4 depending what he did or said.
I look at it this way, the Gods put a crack in there butts so we wouldn't break it when we beat it! And don't let anyone tell you that it is child abuse either, I didn't get spanked much when I was a kid put when I did a LOOOOOONG talk about the error of my ways and the reprecussions of my actions ect ect came right after. That was worse than the time out but I did learn respect real quick. My brother was with a bunch of guys in the early 70's (he was about 17) and he was just sitting in his car talking to one of the guys he plays football with after he got off work. Cops pulled in and started checking his friends and found some stuff and grabbed my brother in the process. The first thing he told the officer was he was innocent because he just got off work and please don't take him home but straight to the station. The cop asked him why and said I would rather call my mom and tell her what is going on instead of getting my tail beat while explaining it to her while she explains the errors of my ways for the next 2 hours. Believe it or not the cop let him go. He said the cop laughed all the way back to his car.
My parents were never abusive and hardly got spankings but the hour long lectures were worse than a few licks and a 5 min timeout! lol It works at my house and my son has learned to control and recognize his social bounderies too!

Answer 3

For your son, rebelling against you is more rewarding than having things taken away and being put in a corner. Do you do those things in anger (tone of voice, expressions)?
If you can remain calm and show indifference to his back-talking, then you can give a consequence (calmly). If you're taking things away, how long do you withold them? Is it long enough to have an effect on him - or does he not care? If he doesn't care - you need to find something else that he does care about.
When he is behaving, make sure you praise him and love on him and show that he is important to you. Most children do not change under a constant spirit of condemnation.

Answer 4

OMG, Im not alone here??? I was just complaining about thislast night. He is 7 next month and so arrogant and sassy. I have been putting him in the corner and when he is done with his time out I have a talk with him. My tolrance levels are very low now so he understand I will not ut up with ANYTHING. It seems to be working for the time being but I am sure I will be back here when he is a teen!!!

Answer 5

You're kinda sexist - it's not just moms that know about this stuff...

He'll learn from you who's boss, at the moment it sound's like it's him...

The important thing is no NEVER back down.

Nothing else happens until he's done the thing you want him to do - no TV, no meal-times, no bed, no PlayStation NOTHING.

First couple of goes this may take several hours, but after that, once Jr knows that saying "no" ain't gonna work, he'll fall in line.

But if you let him not do the thing, the he learns that saying "no" works, and he'll do it again.

It's hard (the first few times) but you'll be amazed ho well (and how fast) it works.

Answer 6

when my oldest daughter went through this, a social worker said that if they refuse to do something when you tell them, gently take their arm/hand and lead them to the task. You may have to do this several times at first, but eventually he will realize you mean what you say and he will give in. It takes time (a couple weeks or so for them to understand that you will keep doing this every time), but it is well worth the effort for the long term results. This worked like a charm for me, and was much better than yelling or fighting with her. She is now 17, and still knows she has to do what she is told or I will do the same thing again.

Answer 7

You start ignoring him when his behaviour is bad this way. Only reward good behaviour, and behaviour leaning to what you want. So when he's polite, you be all loving, nice, hugs and smiles. When he backtalks or says no, you just leave him to himself. Literally. If he comes to you for something or talks to you, just ignore him. If it happens a few times, explain that you will only talk to him and involve yourself with him when he speaks to you properly and behaves nicely.
Doing this is harder on the parents than the child -- but it works.

Answer 8

One thing I have found that is very effective is to tell him when he wants something from you "I am sorry I do not speak to rude little boys, when you can talk nicely to me come back until then leave me alone" it is a little mean but it makes them realize how rude they are being.
I have also told my daughters (6 and 8) I have asked/told you once if I have to ask again you loose something, if you still do not do it you loose another and keep at it. I have also found that if you take it away but keep it where they can see it, it hits home a little more. My kids loose it for one day and one night and have to be good in that time frame to get it back. My youngest once lost 15 things in one day, she is incredibly stubborn.
My oldest responds better to being grounded from the computer or TV, no she does not watch a ton of it but does love it. She will get grounded for a day or whatever.
You just have to find what gets to them, being he is a boy I would assume he likes video games, ground him from that.
And it needs to be made clear he does not speak to you like that period. I have told my kids, I am 34 and would still not talk to my parents like that. I have made it clear to them you do not speak to adults that way let alone your own parents.

It helps if you calmy say the punishment and do not discuss it any further, you have given your answer or punishment, period take action and no more words about it, it gives them time to think about it also. If they carry on they loose it and get sent to bed until they can get over it.

I am not overly strict, my kids have free reign of the house and I spend a lot of time with them, however I refuse to be talked to and treated like that from my children.

Answer 9

You need to set up a place for time outs. This should be a chair or blanket to sit on. You need to set this up in a out of the way place, but never in a child's room.
At six you take him by the hand and place him on the chair or blanket with a timer set for 6 minutes. You have to be very very consistent with this. It has to be done each and every time.
If he gets off the chair or blanket, he is placed back on and the timer re-set for 6 minutes. If he gets off more than 3 times 6 reasonable spanks are given on his bottom and he is again placed back in time out for 6 minutes. You may have to repeat this more than once, but it works well at his age.
It would be nice to see less contact with the father as well, as he is really not a father if he acts that way.
Not sure where you are located, in Canada and the USA there is a organization called Big Brothers and Sisters. They are screened men & women who give children like yours special time and direction. There is never any cost for this program. You can find them in your telephone directory.
My husband has been a Big Brother for over 20 years.
( Connie Mom of 4 and 5th. grade teacher )

Answer 10

I would explain to my kids that this is not how you speak to me or any other adult for that matter, give time-outs and such. My big one was if they asked me for something or to go somewhere I would then tell them that I could not, or did not want to. They would look at me like I had three heads then I would tell them, why should I do for you if you are not willing to do for me or help me in any way. Then I use to get a little more cooperation with little back talk. I would repeat the process when the behavior changed back to its old ways.