My year old having trouble w/ kids picking on her when do I need to step in?

Question

My 6 year old daughter is sweet and the type of kid who wants everyone to like her. She told me there is a girl in her class who has been telling her she is ugly and stupid and that a girl in the 8th grade tripped her and laughed. Now I am the kind of mom that if you mess w/ my kids that I end up @ the school etc to find out whats going on and what can be done about it. Sometimes she blows things out of proportion and makes it bigger than it is but it hurts her feelings when kids are mean to her. You tell the teacher and they usually ignore it. I know what I need to do but my husband thinks its time she sticks up for herself but she is afraid of getting into trouble. Its like last year she was always coming home and saying the same thing and I went to the school talked to the assist. principal and nothing changed. When she was sick the school didnt even call me I just happened to go there to visit her during lunch and she said she didnt feel good. They didnt want her to go home.

I have gone as far as confronting kids in her class and they either denied it or admitted it and said they would stop. I try to be careful b/c I dont want to get into trouble for harassing these kids or anything but I will go way out if I have to. I will go to the school board and if the dont help superintendent and finally the IL State Board of Education. They already know me I have talked to the State Board for matters I had w/her while in pre-k and their on my side. I mean is it wrong for me to confront these kids if she tells the teacher and they dont do anything then thats when fired up mommy steps in and they dont want me fired up especially if her dad interferes.

Answer 1

Ahhh! Our exemplary American school system! LOL LOL

From one Mommm to another...the reason the school doesn't do anything about this situation, is because they see it every single day, day in & day out, year after year...this is kid world...welcome to it!

My little girl came home the same way...I even remember a few episodes in my hay day, too...I bet you do as well. The best we can do is console & guide...children are now in a realm where they are in a social learning process...it's how we all get on our rolls, right? And the majority of us have survived rather well through the challenges.

What I did worked very well...I'd start with a big Mommm hug & a little giggle..."Oh, my Precious, you are learning that there are many kinds of people in our world...some are nice, and some are not...but from all will you experience who YOU are...and that's what this lifetime is for...to be YOU."

"Sooo, when you meet folks who are mean & angry...know that they are afraid...they have a fear that they just haven't found a way to get rid of yet...you just have to hope that they do, and leave them behind you...but through these kinds of people do we learn forgiveness & compassion, and we are glad that we are not like that...and I am proud that you are not like that." "Maybe their home is not as loving as ours...how sad would that be?"

"And there's a law in our world that we have to trust...'What goes around, comes around'...it's very simple...the way we are to others, whether nice or not, comes back to us much stronger than when we first put out." "I don't know about you, Sweetness, but I try to have only good things come back to me...who wants a dark cloud of yukky stuff looking for them, right?" "Sooo, you see, nice matters...and again, I am so proud of you that you know this, and that it matters to you, too."

"I know you are going to be just fine through the challenges that come to you, because I see a little woman growing & becoming a wonderful person." "I will always be here for you, but I also trust in your choices about such things...and always know, that no matter what, you are very loved." Then close with another big Mommm squeeze. And maybe ask if she'd like to help make some rice krispie treats.LOL Always a yummy mind switcher.

Hang tough, Momasita...this is just the beginning of the parental experience! LOL (We learn to giggle insanely at times--keeps the stress to a min.) The best we can do is provide the tools & let them build away...Good Journey, Hon!!!

Answer 2

I have been on both ends of this I have had a son who 'bullied' but in a mocking way and a child who has had threats -
for one there is always two sides to every story -
that being said my son was out of line but the story from the children involved was also fabricated - that being said kids know how to 'play' us - it's no fun to be on either end as a parent - you hope your kids are kind and treat others with respect -

6 is young, so if things aren't working out try making a play date outside of school with particular children and see how it goes - speak to the other parents - too -
and all schools should have a 0 free tolerance for bullies.
I'd rise above the principal and the teachers and go to the superintendent if there is no cooperation -
especially for the tripping from an 8th grade student.

You hope your kids are in safe hands at school - they should be - if your needs aren't being met perhaps bring in a child advocate - hopefully you can work it all out -
being called ugly, stupid is harmful words -
you can't force kids to be your kids friends but being unkind and cruel is not a 'safe' environment for a 6 year old.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Do something now, your child should not have to put up with being bullied. You are actually lucky that your child is letting you know what is going on and not holding it in like so many kids. If the school does nothing keep at it until they do, even if you have to go to the school board.
We hear so much about the long term effects of bullying in the news these days. Make sure the powers that be do more than offer you lip service.

Answer 4

i agree that you should go and speak with the principal, not the teacher about this. Your daughter is only 6, why should she have to stand up for herself at such a young age! (I'm not saying that you should always stand up for her her whole life, but she's still young). At this age, an adult talking to a child about being mean to another child really can snap the kid into place. Adults are seen as all wise and the ones that need to be impressed the most, so when one tells you your not doing what you should, your going to stop to try and impress them! If this doesn't work, I'd call the kids parents. Maybe your daughter and this kid should have some supervised time together, with you and their parents. Maybe you can catch this bully and turn your daughter and her into friends! When it comes down to it, your the mother and your instincts are right to protect your daughter, I believe she's to young to have to do the whole standing up for herself thing!

Answer 5

These are always tough situations. You don't really know what actually occurs because kids sometimes exaggerate for attention. They also sometimes leave out things that happened for fear of their parents involvement... I honestly think this is where the kids need to figure it out on their own. As long as she is not being physically harmed, you know the old adage "sticks and stones", then I think she should learn to deal with these things on her own. My 4 year old niece was telling me that someone called her ugly. I told her to just walk away and reminded her that she's one of the most beautiful children on the face of this earth. As long as your child is getting positive reinforcement from you at home, her esteem should not be tarnished in school. The reality of it is, this other child that's taunting her probably has a very poor home life. Something is not right if this kid is name-calling and being mean to other kids. I think if violence is involved, the school needs to be informed and intervene. Otherwise, your daughter should be able to learn from this and work it out on her own.

As for the other issues with the school: that's a difficult problem. If they are not informing you of your child's health or illness and you've communicated to them that you're unhappy with how they handle this, maybe it might be time to look into other schools?

Answer 6

I would enroll your precious little girl into self defense classes. They will teach her to be assertive and also how to defend herself against kids intent on physically harming her. Also it will teach her some confidence and personal restraint. She will know she can hurt them, but she'll also choose not too. The self knowledge of power and the knowledge of how to use it wisely will be a good ego boost for her. I think that your husband will agree with this path. Also do some research into school policy and your states law about schools and bullying. There might be something that you can do with the school.

Answer 7

Okay do it today talk to the school . Federal law mandates that they have a responsibility to provide your child with a safe and secure environment in which to learn . And you might have to remind them of that in no uncertain terms and if this is not accomplished then you will be seeing an attorney to see if that can settle it . I wish you luck my son had the same problem I just had to remind them of the federal mandate . needless to say my son never got picked on again .

Answer 8

I agree 100% with MissE729 & she said it very well, I think.

You can't control or teach every other child in the world. You can't shield your child from the world or make it perfect for her. You *can* teach her how to be the best person she can be in the world as it is - stupid people & all.

Answer 9

My daughter is having trouble keeping friends and I know it breaks your heart. There isn't much you can do if there isn't violence. She's gotta find her place and to some extent, she's gotta stick up for herself but she don't know how. So help her find ways to help herself.

Answer 10

if you have a enough concern to ask people on her then you need to be at the school, I know that I would be.