how do you forgive your fiancee after she admits she cheated and your daughter might not be yours?

Question

i just proposed to my girlfriend last thursday and i found out this morning that my 1 month old daughter could be some other guys.

Answer 1

find out if the kids yours if not then bye bye i don't think you forgive that she lied about cheating and lied about a child that isn't forgiveable
if the child is yours then you forgive her for the good of the child but its gonna take alot to trust her again
good luck!

Answer 2

Okay, think LOGICALLY here - you want to avoid the pain and uncertainty of an illogical decision.

Technically, since you're not married, you just proposed last Thursday, and this "daughter" is 1 month old, it should not be considered "cheating".

With regard to the child, you definitely want to get a DNA test.

If the child is yours, I believe it is a simpler decision. Ask your fiancee if the so-called fling with another man was her exploring her sexuality and/or desires prior to a potential commitment. Many people do this prior to marriage. If she says it was, you will be able to tell if she's sincere or not. And, if you're willing to forgive her -- and possibly relate it to your own sexual needs and desires -- then you can quite possibly move forward successfully.

If the child is NOT yours, you have another whole can of worms. The above questions still apply (was it a one-time fling, etc.), but now you will potentially have to deal with another man who is the father of this child, because he may or may not want to be involved with his child's life (hopefully, he does as it is not the child's fault).

Personally, in this latter case, unless I was absolutely crazy about this woman and I had received sincere assurances of her commitment, I would walk.

Answer 3

Decide FIRST, if you still want her, to work it out.

Be HONEST to yourself, and dont do what others tell you you should do, only what feels right to you.....

Questions to ask yourself should include:
Did she cheat once , or do I think she has a pattern of it?
Is she an angry, revenge- type girl and was she mad at me at the time?
Does she have eyes for other guys, suspicious behaviors?
Am I the forgiving or begrudging type?
Does she love me and does she know what love/devotion realy is?
Will I ever trust her again?

By all means have the paternity test to see if your little girl is your child biologically, but I HIGHLY recommend you base you decision on compatibility with mom now that you know she strayed, NOT ON IF YOU ARE THE FATHER OR NOT!

In other words, leave if you would leave regardless of if you are the father ( and provide support and rearing of the child as well)>
OR , stay if yoiu were gonna stay, EVEN if the child is not yours, but you love both of them and want to wok through it all to overcome it. Its a hard road to do it, not impossible and some report thay can and have overcome it.

Good Luck, been there............
Personally, I stayed, we had 2 kids, she cheated later, I left with my 2 (both biological too ) kids 10 years later. Some do work it out though, depends if she will do it again..........

Answer 4

How did you find out? Did she tell you because she wanted to start a life with you with a clean slate? Did she feel so bad that she couldn't live with the lie another minute? Get a paternity test done. Can you live and raise and love another mans child? Maybe take some time, wait for the results and during that time, do a lot of reflecting on your life and see if this new direction is somewhere that you really want to go. Good luck

Answer 5

Here's the thing that you should consider.
The legal court will find you as responsible for that child if you take care of her for a period of a time, and you later find out that the child is not yours. The court will make you pay child support even if you are not the biological father of that girl.

Here's why. Say for instance you give your girlfriend another chance and you got married with her, and she told you that she won't cheat on you again, and then later you find out that she cheated on you again. From this you wanted a divorce, and that you don't want to pay child support. Well, the court legal system will find you as the father who are responsible for that girl, because the court will find you as the care giver.

Even though that you are not the biological father of that girl, you are still considered the father of the child because you are all she knows as being her father.

So if I were you, I would find out first who the father of that girl is. If you are her father then you can decide on your own whether you should marry your girlfriend or not. However, if you find out that the child is not your's and you still want to marry your girlfriend, then you should make a pre-nuptuals agreeing that you will not pay child support for the child and alimony for your girlfriend if you decided to divorce her. If she doesn't take this pre-nup then dump her.

Seriously, I would think this through if I were you. Getting married can be a blessing, but getting a divorce will take a toll on your financials and it will affect the child severely.

Answer 6

You cannot forgive her on this, she has committed the most dispicible violation one can commit in a relationship. I would find out if the child was yours of course, however there would be no second chance for the relationship, once a cheat always a cheat like the rest of these people said. My advice get that ring back ASAP. The wedding is off, cut your losses and move on.

Answer 7

Well, I'd get a DNA test and put the engagement on hold while you get results.

THEN, you decide whether you want to forgive her and keep her in your life, But most importantly, what about the child? If you dump the mother,and the child is yours, make sure your daughter knows you still love her. If she is NOT yours, and you stay with the mother, do you want the constant reminder of her mothers infidelity?

Good luck mate, and I REALLY feel for you on that decision!

Answer 8

Welcome to the "Maury Povich Show". My suggestion is to have a paternity test done before you move forward with a wedding.

If the child is not yours, move on. If she cheated once, she will cheat again.

If it is you child then you have a responsibility to the child, not the mother.

Be sure to think long and hard about the choice of marriage. It can be a costly thing both emotionally and financially. At this point I would not move forward with it until the paternity of the child is determined.

Answer 9

Unfortunately, cheaters are cheaters. They never get rid of it. It's like diabetes. You can treat it, you can mask it, you can try and change what you do, but deep down it's always there.

People can say what they want about people changing, but it doesn't happen. You need to move on, and move on quick. Cut your losses now before you're in even more deeply and hurt again.

If the girl IS yours, you need to be a really good dad. That daughter will need you so much to be a positive role model for her.

Answer 10

That is very hard but...your the one in this realtionship and you know her good ways and bad ways..see which one outweighs the other and think about it. Cheating and lied that is serious but now their is a child around who you obviously grew to love. In the end the decision is yours. Find out if the baby is yours and see how you feel after.

Answer 11

Once the trust in a relationship has gone you can never get it back . find out if the baby is yours and if so stand by your daughter but don't stay with this lady if she has already cheated on you before marriage what chance has a happy marriage got. take care.