What should I do, when she questions everything?

Question

i've been seeing this girl for about 2 months and everything was great. Then yesterday she wrote me an email saying how I was so perfect in every aspect of a relationship, the best person she has ever dated, but she's holding herself back from letting go of her feelings for fear of getting hurt like she has been so many times before. She says she doesnt want to lose me, and I have been supportive, however now my feelings are on the defensive because I also don't wanna get hurt. What does she mean, or hope to achieve by all of this, and what can I do differently when I seem to be doing everything right. Is it possible she can't handle a true gentlemen?

Answer 1

She's fishing for commitment from you, she wants more of you. She isn't saying anything bad...she's just looking for more of a commitment. That's all.

Answer 2

Just continue to be patient and loving with her. You might want to share your feelings of not wanting to get hurt as well; if she's really been hurt so many times before, she will relate and the two of you can move forward.

Be patient and understanding. If you are, and you have a future together, she will look back on your patience and empathy with fond memories and appreciation.

While it could be possible she can't handle a true gentleman, I doubt it at this point. Given both of your desires to avoid a hurtful event, I'd be more surprised if she was NOT cautious. This is where both of you learn more about relationships before commitment which, ironically, would make the eventual commitment stronger.

Answer 3

Every man and women is an individual with different motives based on different lives. Without knowing her, giving a generic answer is difficult. If she is a maniplulative person I'd say she is securing your devotion while she's still playing the field or she is insecure abotu herself and cannot trust that you will be faithful. If she is an open book, then this email states that she is happy with you and is not ready for the next step- therefore both need to enjoy the moment.

The most aggressive thing you can do to get an accurate answer would be to ask her these questions when both are alone and are not rushed. Be prepared with open and honest answers and be prepared for good and bad, this way you will keep your dignity regardless of what she is getting to.

Answer 4

Women will do weird things when the walls they've built up start to crumble down.
This is a purely defensive move.
My advice? Support her. Tell her that it wigged you out a bit, but that you understand that different people have different opinions on WHEN is a good time to let go of defenses in a relationship, and that if she needs time to be fully comfortable, you'll give it to her. Besides, moving slower and taking your time lets you experience all of those fun-intimacy-creating moments so much more intensly, the little things that you miss out on when you rush into something. Tell her how you feel, but let her take the time she needs. That shows respect, and support...and creates a wonderful basis for something long term.

Answer 5

I don't think it was meant to hurt you or leave you defensive in any way. I think she just wanted to clear the air about her feelings. She wanted to let you know how she felt about you, but explain why she hasn't been able to fully open up to you. It's not that she "can't handle a true gentleman", but that not many really exist out there and when a girl comes across one, she just isnt sure if it's true or not. Don't worry about it so much. You have a good thing going. .

Answer 6

I think she cares a lot about you and wants you to know. I also think that she wants you to tell her that you have no intentions of hurting her that your feelings for her are genuine. She needs reassured and she just didn't want to come out and say that. Be gentle and don't go on the defense. This could be a wonderful thing for you both.

Answer 7

It just means she has been hurt in previous relationships and is being more careful and guarded. If she is telling you this, it means she feels comfortable enough to do so and is starting to feel the need to let go of her guard. Just be patient with her. It takes time to get past hurts and issues.

Answer 8

She obviously has trust issues that she needs to get over. If she were truly "AFRAID" then she wouldn't even be involved in a relationship with your or anybody. You both need to grow up and mature. It seems like yo both are willing to work things out so enjoy each other while you still have each other. Life has no guarantees so take chances and make mistakes!!!!!!!

Answer 9

She is scared and testing you. You need to continue being supportive and wait for her to give you the green light. You call yourself a gentleman, excellent!.. keep it up. don't be defensive. be patient she will soon see that you are a nice guy and will allow you to get close to her. She can handle a true gentleman.. she is making sure that you are that gentleman.

Answer 10

errrrr.... that was girl talk way of getting a commitment out of you.

uh oh, if you're not ready for an exclusive relationship... dude,you are in deep dooo dooooo!

any girl who uses this tactic NEVER takes responsibility for whatever part she played in failed relationships. think about it, when she talks about prior relationships, is it always the guys' fault? fate? the fault of an ex? has she learned from prior relationships?

Run, man! Run!

you've got yourself a girl who will put you through the gauntlet to "prove" your love. she will suck the life out of you.

Answer 11

Dude, that sucks. What she really ought to do is unload on a therapist, not you. By telling you all these things, she's setting the relationship up for failure. By telling a therapist, she can sort through her past trust issues.