Ok pretty long story but will try to keep it short. We are both in our twenties, been together for 4 years...hes never physically cheated on me, im sure of that, but he has previously joined a swinger site (with a very explicit homepage about himself), i found loads of email correspondence with other women, talking very sexually, one arranging to meet a couple for a threesome (he told me he only done that for a joke and wouldnt have gone through with it), i caught him masturbating online with another girl via msn, calling sex lines etc etc.
He always apologises and says hes sorry and he would never physically cheat on me. Its driven me to the point of crazyness, i check his phone, email etc (and normally find something!!) though not for the past 8 months or so. Im so paranoid that I dont even want him looking at other women, this is not a healthy relationship but I love him so much and dont want to lose him and believe that he loves me too. Does he have a sexual problem?!
2007-09-05 23:55:34 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He knows that if he does anything like this again then its over! I kind of need to know whether im going overboard or not, asking lots of questions, checking his mail/phone, is it normal to do this when these things happen? Is it ok? He makes me feel like im going crazy! Is there anyone I can talk to about these kinds of things?
2007-09-06 00:06:54 · update #1
Sorry..just one more thing, this was all in the like 2nd and 3rd year together, it has been a while since, we discussed this all, i chose to give him a last chance. Im thin and attractive! My appearance is good. I just think he might have a problem, like an addict or something, or likes people watching or something.
2007-09-06 00:09:54 · update #2
Does he have a problem? Not really. In reality he's a pretty normal 20-something guy that is trying to get laid anywhere he can at anybodies expense. His sex drive is running his life, not the other way around as it should be.
And it's not that you're not enough.... nothing is enough for him at this stage in his life. He could be getting it 10 times a day in 200 different ways and it still wouldn't be enough. He's being young, dumb, and full of c**.
The issue here is that he a) is lying to you about all of it, and b) he has no intention of changing. He wants to be in a relationship with you, but he doesn't want to do the things that will make you comfortable in that relationship. He doesn't respect your boundaries. What he is doing is not necessarily wrong, it's just wrong for you (it may be just what another woman wants) and he doesn't acknowledge that or even seem to care about your feelings regarding it.
Personally, I don't think he is ready for a committed relationship. He's not emotionally mature and unselfish enough to be in one and care for anyone else's needs but his own. And you can't change him. I think at this point you two are just not on the same level of emotional and relationship maturity. In my opinion you'd be better-off moving-on to someone who's relationship goals more closely resemble yours, because simply, his don't and it's making you miserable.
2007-09-06 03:57:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is so hard not to be upset when you are in love with the guy. I have been there and done that. In the long run however you have to be prepared. If he is cheating then ask yourself if you are willing to live with that knowledge and bury it. If you don't then it will continue to eat away at you and pretty soon serious damage will be done. I would just keep my eyes and ears open and perhaps do some checking on my own. Like it was said rent an inexpensive car for a day or two and see. You may just be letting your mind do this to you. I know how that is too. The only way to lay it to rest is to put it out there and hash it out. Tell him how insecure you are about this whole situation. It sounds as if you have already badgered him some and he has his defenses up already. Be careful because in my years I have found that if you accuse a man long enough, then by gosh they will go and do the very thing you are accusing them of. Human nature i suppose. I don't envy you but you are really in control of your emotions and no one else is. Good luck to you.
2016-05-22 02:57:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he does, and with him going as far as he is, then it is a good possibility that he will cheat. Whether that was physical or not, it was still cheating. I think you know better than it being a joke...especially with him masturbating while online. If I were you, I would tell him the next time I caught anything like that, then it was over. Maybe that will scare him enough to quit. He is already cheating on you, and you have a reason to be paranoid.
2007-09-06 00:03:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
When someone constantly puts your back to the wall of jealousy, he does not love you.Sorry but he should be trying to make his relationship work,not shop around for diversions.Now you have to figure out why you love him.How can you love someone that cheats,and yes it IS cheating, on you.He feels he needs this extra-activity,that's his problem but you my lovely,you are involved in an obsessive relationship that has nothing to do with love.I don't think he has a sexual problem,I think he's just a fool that doesn't realize what he has.Please stop wasting your time on someone that is obviously not as invested in a relationship as you are.
2007-09-06 00:10:39 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara D 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's a sex addict. You can either:
a. Leave him.
b. Find out what his fantasies are and play into them. With this type of guy you could just get another computer and do a little mutual thing over IM and webcam or phone. (He'd probably love the idea).
c. Be thankful he's taking care of business himself instead of prowling.
Trust me, the more you fight it the more creative and sneaky he'll get. I know I used to have several different e-mail adresses and got very good at erasing any evidence off of my computer at home before my ex got home. My advice is to take option b.
2007-09-06 00:09:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
y dont u test him by doing the same just to make him realise what he is doing is hurting u..in that way he will feel the same and then he gets mad or something u both can have a talk and stop all the nonsense..moreover, if he has a sexual problem, maybe u can ask him about his fantasies or something and play along to it..so, in that way he might be more interested in ya r'ship and less on insignificant websites...this might boost ya r'ship too...try it..
2007-09-06 00:08:27 · answer #6 · answered by shawty 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have a big problem. I would not trust him either. You need to make up your mind what you are going to do. Just because he is not doing that on your computer anymore, does not mean that he is not doing it on someone elses. I just would not trust him. For him to have online sex is cheating as far as I am concerned, and I don't tolerate a cheater!!!
2007-09-06 00:09:58 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
cheating is cheating, whether its physically, emotionally, or mentally. i think he has a problem and you should tell him this is making u unhappy. no women wants to feel like she's not enough for her man and he has to find sexual pleasure some other way
2007-09-06 00:00:28 · answer #8 · answered by acaia20 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Get counselling then leave him. I wouldnt tolerate my man masturbating with another girl. hes already cheating on you i think
2007-09-05 23:58:42 · answer #9 · answered by the troll 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
whew that's a big pile 'o' mess you got there! in any case you both need to sit down and talk to each other and resolve the issue. yes your being over paranoid and he really needs to get his **** in gear. how the hell are you gonna bash it over comp. conversation???? ........he should show more attention to you and you should have a lot more confidence in your self
2007-09-06 00:05:24 · answer #10 · answered by MR O'Reilly 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋