True extracts from UK Insurance Claim forms; These were collected by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas magazine.
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
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"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
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Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Traveled by bus?
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This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
Q - What warning was given by you?
A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party?
A - Moo
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"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
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"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
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"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
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"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
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"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
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Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?
A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
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"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
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"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
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"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
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"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
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"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
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"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
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"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"
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"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
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"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
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"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not seethe other car."
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"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
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"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."
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"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
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"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
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"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
2007-09-05 22:36:57 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Class ! Loved the sarcasm of the 'probably voodoo!'
2007-09-06 01:07:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Brilliant
2007-09-06 04:45:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hahahahahaaaa, brilliant mate, i used to hate those lists, but i'm having a fookin good laugh at them lately mate lol.
2007-09-06 00:31:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I always love funny answers to simple questions, the human stupidity is just amazing
2007-09-05 23:42:23 · answer #4 · answered by Jody W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is a good and very funny list, hehehe, i have to put in an insursnce claim, cracked a rib laughing at your jokes,
Have a star
xxxxxxxxxxxx
2007-09-06 04:15:58 · answer #5 · answered by tastybits 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good and very funny list
2014-09-25 17:48:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
worked for an insurance company and we had our collection!
2016-04-18 17:20:50 · answer #7 · answered by TedEx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha Ha! Good ones!
2007-09-05 22:56:32 · answer #8 · answered by cats 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They were brill hun, and I see Big John thought so too ... lol
2007-09-06 07:50:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Haha! Luv them :) Verry good!
2007-09-05 23:57:09 · answer #10 · answered by Rubber * Duckie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋