I get married 2008 . I love my mother but she has ideas on how the wedding should go and is taking over what sort of food we should have and opening her mouth about it and when people say they would like to come, she says they can. She does not even consult me. I wanted a small garden wedding with no more than 20 people. She has brought the number up to 60. She also will be there on the day helping me dress and telling me how to do my hair. I hate that. I want her to come. But I also want to do it my way. I know she will talk too much and embarrass me as well. She will also drink wine and take over conversations and want to be the centre of attention. I love her so much but I don't want to hurt her feelings, but it is my day. At my 21st she took over and handed everyone cake because nobody would get off their backsides and get it. I want it to be a small simple wedding but the little things she would do and the people there would drive me crazy. What can I do?
2007-09-05 20:45:08 · 19 answers · asked by ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Tell her you appreciate her help BUT, you would like to do things your way!! I'm sure she wants whats best for you so she'll understand!! If she doesn't listen, cancel everything she ordered and replace it with the things you want!!! Good luck with that and congratulations!!:)
2007-09-05 20:59:09 · answer #1 · answered by ♥♥Mommy to 2 Divas♥♥ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
IF they do not get an invite they are not on the guest list.
Make sure they AND your mother know that.
Inform people the guest list WILL be small, so not everyone will be invited.
Have your hair the way YOU want it done.
Sit down and talk with your mother. Be firm and put your foot down.
FYI, even if she is paying for the wedding, she does NOT hold all of the strings. You have every right to have the wedding you want to. She can input her OPINIONS, but YOU have the final say. She is only donating money to your wedding. Some parents like to use their donations as leverage to take over your wedding.
If she isn't paying, then you definitely have a right to tell your mom that you appreciate her opinion but you and your fiance have the final say in everything that goes on.
2007-09-06 01:35:04 · answer #2 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hire a coordinator for the wedding. Or at least the rehearsal and ceremony day. Tell the coordinator the situation with mom. Come up with tasks for mom that you don't mind her doing that day. Have the coordinator tell her what to do. Even if she has to be a little mean to her. She can keep mom away from you!
This way, mom will be mad at the coordinator, not you!
Also, tell mom ahead of time that if she drinks too much and gets loud and starts taking over, you will have her escorted out! Then actually do it! Have an usher or groomsmen take care of her!
In my experience in situations like this, most of the time if there is a stranger there taking charge(coordinator), then people tend to behave better, because they don't want to make a scene or show their true selves in front of me.
2007-09-06 02:04:33 · answer #3 · answered by valschmal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like her whole personality bothers you, not just one thing. Since its whole personality, you cannot change her. I have a few ideas how you can deal with it, though.
You can accept that this is how she is and you love her anyway, dont worry about she appears to others; everyone has obnoxious people in their family.
If you & fiance pay for the wedding, she cannot be so involved with the little details, and you can also keep the guest list small. Forget about the people your mom promised an invitation to; its her responsibility not yours. Learn to be affirmative in your decisions, ie saying "We decided to serve chicken." Case closed.
You can also encourage your mom in a positive way to participate. Give her a "job" to do and let her run with it. Maybe she could be in charge of the guest book, since she likes talking to people so much.
Tell her you want her to relax & enjoy herself, and leave the cake serving and other tasks to the professionals hired for that purpose. Sorry this is long, hope something here helped.
2007-09-05 22:17:59 · answer #4 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so you love your mother but she's overbearing and obtrusive. Maybe her 21st birthday and wedding didn't go over so well. Maybe you should ask.
The key is being kind and just letting her know that this is a milestone in YOUR LIFE that you would like the opportunity of organizing and putting together. It's a really important event for you and if there are any issues that come about, then the responsibility falls upon your shoulders.
2007-09-05 21:27:58 · answer #5 · answered by Yulik MahBaht 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her very openly about how you feel.
Tell her that you are not inviting more than 20 people. If she continues to insist upon inviting 60 people, tell her to fork over the money for their invites, food, wedding favors, cake and/or just do not send them an invitation.
It is VERY frustrating when you are trying to plan something like this and someone keeps imposing.
My mother, too, keeps adding people to our 'guest list' but I already todl her, I have made my 'solid guest list' and anyone not on it (all of her add ons) is not getting an invitation.
2007-09-06 02:28:54 · answer #6 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant not invite her I mean she is your mom. Who is paying for the wedding? If you are then you need to say to her that you are paying for and want it your way. If she is paying for it then you need to talk to her and try to explain that this is your BIG DAY and you will take her ideas in to thought but dont have to use all her thoughts. This is your day and your husband to be. Be tough and stand up to her and take back your day. Just try to do it in a nice way. If she loves you she will back off a bit.
2007-09-06 01:01:48 · answer #7 · answered by sweetlips2485 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who is paying for this wedding? If it's her, then you will have to put up with her. If it's you, then you can do something about it.
I'd say have your own wedding with the 20 people in a garden beforehand, secretly and without your mother. Then go and have her big "me" bash.
My wedding was done my way, but I depended on my mother for help with things on the wedding day. When it came to the big day, my mother pretty much acted like it was her party and didn't help me. She told me to have my bridesmaids do it.
2007-09-06 00:33:33 · answer #8 · answered by Bowling chick 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your mom needs a psychiatric assessment. there is no longer something interior the Christian custom that facilitates us to destroy somebody else's factors or says that's very nicely to rigidity somebody to be Christian, no count what some zealots ought to assert with regard to the latter. i think of she is a danger to herself and others if she thinks it is an ok thank you to make a component. ETA: SirenSong has a quite stable component. How do you be attentive to none of her church human beings will take her in? i think of, whilst a non-Christian, which you're able to be waiting to pass have a communication along with her pastor approximately assisting you help her. it is worth a shot. it is person-friendly for me to assert because of the fact i'm fortunate we've very cool pastors who truly decide for to help human beings artwork out their issues extremely of posture and prosthyletize. different pastors are much less open. i don't be attentive to. i think of you have a sturdy shot on the church assisting you locate a source to your mom. She needless to say is having psychological issues and till she's joined some form of cult of zealotry they might comprehend the paint on your wedding ceremony fabric, etc. is particularly no longer cool.
2016-10-10 01:29:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it's YOUR wedding, NOT hers. Who is paying for the wedding? If you are paying for it, you'll have more clout to say what goes and what doesn't. If your mom wants a big party, let her make another party on another date for all those extra people she wants to invite. You mentioned that she might drink and embarrass you; make sure who ever is serving the drinks to give her virgin ones.
2007-09-05 21:58:27 · answer #10 · answered by Kain Nero 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋