Marriage/Family vs. Career/Education.....Or Both?

Question

Ok, I'm 23 years old and I'll be graduating college in May. I'll be 24. I'm graduating at an older age for a number of different reasons, including working full-time, dealing with cancer in my family and changing my major 2 times.

Amway, I have a boyfriend of 3 years. We would love to get married. However, we both agree that marriage should only happen when 2 people are in stable careers and are ready to contribute to a household equally.

I want to go to grad school. The program I'm looking into is about 1.5-2 years long and includes an extensive internship program. I would not be able to work in my given career for at least another 2 years. I'll be 26 by than.

I want to have children once I get married too. I would really like to have my first child by 26/27. However, if I don't graduate until I'm 26, this will not work. If I do decide to get a master's degree, I would like to work in my career for at least 2 years. I want to gain experience

And become established in my field.

I feel like I will end up compromising one of my dreams. I feel like there is just not enough time to accomplish everything I want to do.

I should also add that my boyfriend will be 30 this year. If we do wait until I’m 28 to have children, he will be 35. I would really like us to have children as young as possible. I want him to experience being a “younger” father. I don’t want him having a 15 year old at 50 or a 20 year old at 55. We also want to have about 3 children. So, most likely he will be closer to 40 when the young ones are born.

What do I do? I feel like I have to pick one path, but I don’t want to settle. My boyfriend is not pressuring me in anyway. However, I feel like I want to us to advance to the next step in our lives.

What do people think? Anyone have a similar experience? What did you decide? How do you decide?

I will most likely be a working mother. My boyfriend makes decent money, but not enough to support a stay at home mother/wife and 2-3 children comfortable. I don't mind working, as I am the produce of a working mother (as is he) and we turned out to be very good, moral and smart people.

Answer 1

Both, and THRoth!

Answer 2

I think that if you have a wonderful man, you can have your cake and eat it too! You will of course have to wait on having children if you want to have your career. But you could get married and be careful not to get pragnet! Having children in your 30's isnt a bad thing! It may be a little more challenging the older you get, but not impossible! I'm almost 50 and raising a 2 yr old. Of course I would EVER suggest waiting that long! HEE HEE The type of demands you are describing that your schooling and internship could be very difficult on your relationship. But as long as you talk about this ahead of time with your honey, you should be able to make the compromises together as you build a stable future for your desired family! Your dreams of having a family at a young age are commendable, and if you had started/finished schooling earlier, it might have happened. But we can always find excuses to not have children. Money, jobs, school etc. I think it is wise to put off children till you finish school and internship, but what happens when you land the perfect job? Will you have time to raise kids or will they be in day care all the time? You may have to give up somethiong to have children and a career and time with your honey. But that is what having kids is all about! And by the way, if you do have kids, after the first one or two, you may decide NOT to have 3! Best Wishes!

Answer 3

My daughter is about the same age as you and wants to get her Master degree too. I got married young had my daughter at 21, got divorced and remarried had my second child at 29. I am a much better older parent than I was a younger parent. I think this is true of most people. You will get older no matter what and having children at a more mature age makes you feel younger. Enjoy your freedom and make sure your marriage will last b4 you add kids to the mix. And don't worry it will all fall into place, however I do believe one parent should be able to stay home with the kids when they r little. Remember they r your priority, not material things. The generation of the 1950s had a better idea of how to raise kids they had smaller houses, one car, the dad worked, and they had time for their kids. I think we should try to live slower and with less, like they did.

Answer 4

Well I am 21 years old. I have a 19 month old girl and 4 month old boy. Im going for my bachelors online for web design and multimedia arts. I currently don't work only my husband does. He is 30 years old. I am very happy and enjoy the choice I made to have children young. I will graduate young, and be able to provide and keep up with my children while still giving them that one on one at home. Your never ready for kids no matter how finacially stable you are. Also the older you get the more risky pregnancy and complications are.

Answer 5

You can always have children after 30! I am glad I am having children before my furthering my education as it means I will have already gone through the pregnancies and raising them to school age and will not need to take time out during my career for them. Haven't gotten there yet though! I'm okay to be a lady of leisure I suppose....
If you want to contribute equally financially thats up to you but if its not NECESSARY I would take some time out to spend with my kids if I were you. I don't regret being at home with my daughter, like you I would like the best of both worlds but I am willing to put it on hold until my kids are at school and I wont be missing out on anything. If your partner earns enough staying at home is worth it, or even working part time.

Answer 6

I have both-- and got them in a non-traditional way. I went back to college (after working fulltime for a few years after high school) and found out I was pregnant (AND unmarried, obviously). When my son was 16 months old, I went back to school and got my AA degree, my BA degree and my MA degree. I've never regretted the lapse in my education and I am a certified teacher with a great and very fitting career. In fact, until I had my son, I had no idea what I was missing from my life. Now it's entirely complete and here I am, 11 years later, pregnant with my second child (with a wonderful husband). I could have done one or the other but the way it turned out (fate, I'd call it) was perfect. Good luck. You CAN have the best of both worlds- trust me.

Answer 7

People are living longer these days and having a kid in your early to mid 30s is no problem. Don't get caught in what everybody else is doing. Start your career and have your kid when you're 29 or so. In a more pessimistic view, women trying to work now days is most likely why our society is going down the drain. If your boyfriend (wannabe hubby) is going to make descent money do what mother nature intended and raise your child. By the way, your man will most likely dump you if you talk like this to him. You must be scaring the crap out of him. The bottom line is this, don't feel like you can't wait until your at least 30.

Answer 8

You can always get your experience later in life for work...but if you want to have children by a certain age this sort of makes the choice for you...i did it that way i had 4 kids and now I'm 29 doing a diploma in real estate valuation...back to front for some but it worked for me...good luck in what ever you choose...

Answer 9

Education, career, marriage, family, career, education, happy healthy retirement.
In that order, you really can't go wrong.
The truth is you are not yet married and not pregnant. So it's down to you. Go to grad school while you can. Everything else will fall into place.

Answer 10

i personally don't think that having children as an older person would be a bad thing, my husband and I are both 28 and we are expecting our first child right now. we both work, i work nights, and he works days, so we won't have to put our child in daycare.

i think you will be happier and have more to offer your children if you go ahead and fulfill your career goals before you have them. that way you won't feel like you're giving up anything to be a mom.

Answer 11

Family, I chose it over a career, and I have never regretted a moment of it.