Her biological mother died when she was 5 or 6 years old. I married her father 3 years ago, and since then she lives with us, at first she followed the rules I've set, but lately, she's being hard headed. Sometimes it causes quarrel between me and my husband. By the way, she's 11 now.
2007-09-05 18:17:07 · 11 answers · asked by mmvieph 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You need to realize that your stepdaughter is trying to cause a rift between you and your husband. You need to put up a united front- meaning you need to talk to your husband... in this sense you need to let him deal with the disipline issues, yet at the same time letting your step daughter know that you both are on the same page.
2007-09-05 18:28:03 · answer #1 · answered by Dewey 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She is just getting older. You need to sit and have a talk with her. Let her know thatyou love her. Tell her that you are not trying to take her mother's place, but that you need her to realize that when you have to punish her or correct her, it is because you want her to learn how to be the best that she can be. Tell her that you will never give up on her, and that you are proud to be able to be in her life. Make her feel special and loved. She will still get mad sometimes when you correct her, but she will always know that she is loved. That is what will make the difference when she is making her own decisions later in life.
By the way, it will get worse. The teenage years are very difficult, but hang in there. When they hit about 17, they start acting like they have sense again. They do actualy hear you, even when they argue or act like they don't. Those are the typical ages for girls to start exerting their independence. For boys it lasts longer.
2007-09-06 01:52:14 · answer #2 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two words for you; United Front. The best way is to stand united. Kids play parents off of the other. Especially when you have a step parent. Set rules and the punishments together with your husband and back each other up. Kids at that age are into testing your boundries.
2007-09-06 02:39:51 · answer #3 · answered by Bookworm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you should ask yourself if you're treating her as if she's your biological daughter. It could be that the reason she acts that way, is because she doesn't feel that you're her real mom. Try to bond with her, see a movie or go shopping together. Know the things that interests her. Make her feel that you genuinely care for her when you correct her and that you're not just there to discipline her because you need to.
2007-09-08 01:20:38 · answer #4 · answered by PEARLJAM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st You need to sit down and have a family talk with her, maybe with dad or so! but if she's acting this way, it's most likely for a reason or she wants attention so ask her if everything is okay in school or everything else going on in her life! it could also be hard on her because she's getting older and starting to understand life more which is hard on people as it is! she's probably been thinking about her mother a lot lately! thats a tuffy! also, if your husband shows you a lot of attention [which he should] then maybe she' s mad of that! Just talk with her and tell her you love her and care for her and u want the best for her in life but she has to respaect your rules, just as well as dad's rules!!! well, good luck!
[p.s. keep pictures of her mother in the house and talk about her often!!!!] tell dad the same!
[GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR FAMILY] =)
2007-09-06 01:44:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father needs to be discipline her. It really is not your job. She is 11 going on 18.
2007-09-06 01:41:36 · answer #6 · answered by MiMi ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't you watch dr. phil?
you can never be the disciplinarian. you are NOT her mother (I'm sure you're not trying to replace her) but she will never ever ever think of you as her real mother no matter how much she may love you and understand how you have mothered her.
Her father needs to be the one to set the rules and stick to them and you support him in his decisions.
2007-09-06 01:44:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She secretly craves your love, Try to show it especially when she tries to be what you want.
I am the "evil stepmommy" to an 18 year old. She was horrible to me until I showed her how much I loved her whenever we say goodbye, even for a short time such as an hour apart.
You will laugh, but it worked:
I KISS HER LITTLE NOSE!
2007-09-06 01:32:32 · answer #8 · answered by gerlawgoody1 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You can discipline her. Especially if you're the one that's mostly with her. Just love her. Talk to her. Be firm but loving. Always be loving and you'll be fine.
2007-09-06 01:51:15 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to step up! Please do not beat her! That is the worst thing for a kid. The punishment that always worked for me was to take something away from me that I really liked!
2007-09-06 01:23:33 · answer #10 · answered by Heather J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋