He is on the birth certificate, but NJ welfare did not go after him for child support, (he was abusive) and he only sees him a couple times a year -has never had a real relationship with him, the state gives me 162 a month for my son, not me. His father married and lives very near, but has never stepped up to the plate about child support/custody arraingments, wich I would be happy to work out with him now.
Any advise or suggestions would be appreciated.
I would think, I have both sole and legal custody. But I am not sure. I never went to court for it. I heard even if he did pay, I would only get 50.00 a month, the rest would all go to the state.
2007-09-05 17:52:40 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
of course he does if he is the biological father. and the rest should go to the state if you've been on welfare THIS long.
2007-09-05 18:02:32 · answer #1 · answered by vanessa c 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, I think you need to talk to some EXPERTS in family law. Chances are, the local women's shelter has an expert on hand that can sit down with you and go over all of your options. Talk to the local United Way charities for a referral.
Why do you think the state would get most of the child support payments that would come from his father? Why only $50 a month? That wouldn't keep a kid in mac-n-cheese!
Fact is, he made that kid and should be made to support the kid. It seems to me that he needs to start paying BACK CHILD SUPPORT! Current needs (conservatively at least $300 a month) plus for all the time he has never contributed.
I know you didn't want any more drama because of the ex's abuse, but you really should go after what is yours, if nothing else, just to make up for the abuse and neglect.
2007-09-05 18:05:43 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you have sole physical and LEGAL custody...if you never went to court? Was he abusive to the child?
AND, I understand where all the other answerers are coming from, but....if you were awarded SOLE physical and legal custody.....he has no rights to the child, until he fights to get them back...........I shouldn't put it that way....he can't see him, unless YOU ok it first.
14 years???
If he did agree to start paying to be in his son's life, again....the amount would be based on his income. Either way you'd still see about $162 per month with HIS payment going directly to the state (current plus arrears). If he has a good paying job, then you'll see more...but not much, because of the debt owed to the state.
Incidentally, this is not something that should even be considered if he was abusive and 14 years past.
2007-09-05 18:16:24 · answer #3 · answered by imrt70 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be Strong and remember you gave birth to your child, he just donated!
Talk to your son, he is old enough to give you an honest answer.
Ask if he even wants a relationship with his biological father.
I am not sure what NJ's child custody laws are.
See if you can get some free legal advise on custody laws in NJ.
Personally, He has shown no strong family values or attention to his 1st born son, I would not want my son hanging out with a person that could be a bad influence on him.
You owe him nothing and he owes you a lot!
Again, be stong and good luck
2007-09-05 18:08:05 · answer #4 · answered by kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the first place, you never should have put him on the birth certificate and YOUR child should have had your last name. (you didn't mention that).
A friend of mine had a child with a boyfriend and then realized the guy was a jerk and didn't want him in the child's life. The best move she ever made was going to a lawyer and getting it done up legally. The child is now in it's late teens and is a lot better off with one good parent, rather than a good parent and a part-time jerk around...on occasion.
2007-09-05 18:04:50 · answer #5 · answered by sunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, the real biological father has rights. However, you also have rights, including shared support.
If he's not pulling his weight, I'd suggest talking to legal counsel first: find out what your rights and responsibilities are and what his rights and responsibilities are. You must take this step first so that you don't get yourself into a conversation with him that leads nowhere (or gets you in a worse position than you are currently).
Then approach him politely and inform him of his rights as well as his responsbilities. If he doesn't listen or disagrees, you have a few choices: continue to present the facts and figures; suggest that your attorney discuss with his attorney; or take him to court. Let's examine each option.
Continuing to present the facts and figures, while seemingly logical on the surface, is dangerous and timeconsuming: dangerous because he may angrily reject you stepping in and reminding him of his responsibilities, both paternally and financially; and timeconsuming for the obvious reasons that fear, uncertainty and doubt work in his favor (as well as delaying potential court action).
The option of having your attorney discuss with his attorney is appealing: it saves your hours (days - perhaps months) of voicing your concerns, keeps the conversation on legal terms, promotes his getting engaged with his legal responsibilities, minimizes your contact with his emotions (the degree of benefit depends on his temperment), and makes steady progress. The downside, of course, is that this could be costly. This is why a free consultation at the outset is imperative, so you know up-front what you're getting yourself into (cost-wise and time-wise).
Taking him to court is obviously the last choice and, obviously, an attorney would have to be engaged if your not familiar with filing a case yourself (beside the fact that you shouldn't represent yourself). Another reason to avoid litigation is cost, time (potentially), and disenchantment or abandonment by the father.
All in all, you should try to be forgiving of someone who, according to your statements, has sadly been neglectful of his son. Any attempts at a peaceful reconciliation and more involvement by him with your son would be positive developments; if you lead every conversation with him focusing on these goals, it should turn out fine.
Oh yes, one final bit of advice: Pray!
2007-09-05 18:14:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right? I am sure he does if he wishes to enforce them.
The fact is this man is the boys bio dad. Why would you go after the man for child support? Just keep mooching off the state, you really don't get all that much.
2007-09-05 17:59:50 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ummm it all depends really...is he the rightful father? does he have a more stable home and lifestyle for the child? but as I always believe the mother have the rights beyond anyone as long as she is stable..( no drugs, stable job, and a sincere heart) thats the best basis for a child... are you a good mother??? I would really like to chat with you about this....I helped my sister win custody of her child...i went to court and tore the dude to shreds showing them pictures etc of him ******* up. I wont go to details... goodluck
2007-09-05 18:05:29 · answer #8 · answered by alvaretffxi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound call a lawyer, pay for a hour of his time, should be a lawyer dealing with child custody he can answer all your questions...
2007-09-05 18:05:28 · answer #9 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His right is basically as a biological parent.
2007-09-05 18:02:19 · answer #10 · answered by Orlando O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋