I am sick of being the parent!?

Question

I am 17, I have one older brother (19)(he's ok most of the time, but he plays to many video games.) one younger sister (7) and one worthless disgraceful rotten brat excuse for a brother who is 14. I am sick of having to be the parent to my younger siblings. they fight like cats and dogs and 90% of the time it is the brats fault. my mom and dad are both college professors who don't have a lot of time at home, so I have to deal with most things on my own. when my dad does get involved (usually after days and days of my trying to deal with the brat) he gets so angry that he almost pushes himself to another heart attack (he had one last thanksgiving). and mom avoids dealing with the brat altogether. he will not do his chores (the ONLY chores he has are the dishes, laundry, and his feeding the dog). he will not obey any one and he lies about everything. I don't know what to do any more!!

a little more about myself...
as I said I am 17. I just entered my second year of dual enrollment at the local community college. I cook dinner often and I am the one who takes care of most of the cleaning. I get almost strait A's but I have gotten a B or two. I am a member of the SGA (student government), a Sr. 4-Her in my county and a county rep. to the state. I am also a Jr leader in my church. I work with kids in k-2nd grade every week. and I have helped lead many community service projects. I also work most weekends with a carpenter fixing houses and installing flooring.

oh I sound like the brat?!?
you try being 17, going to school from 8-4 coming home doing homework, cooking dinner, cleaning up, doing more homework, working a part time job, doing all the other things I do, and raising your sibling who won't even wash dishes!I get up at 7:00 am EVERY DAY and I go to bed at 2:30 AM or later EVERY DAY! I am sick of it!

ad don't say "its your parents problem" because they won't do anything.

oh, I should also have said that I am a boy. just because I cook and clean does not make me a girl ;)

I am not allowed to punish him, then I get in trouble.
and just because both my parents are college professors does not mean we have the money to hire some one to watch them. some months we can hardly put food on the table.

oh, my older brother is full time in college.... he does come home a lot... but its not like he lives here...

Answer 1

Wow, you gave me goose bumps as I read your story. You should be EXTREMELY proud of yourself. To take on all of those responsibilities. I knew someone like you when I was younger. Whom is damaged now.
Keep in mind that you are the kid, you are not responsible for your siblings, that is your parents job. I know you sound like a very sweet, caring person. But, for your own emotional well-being you need to be a kid while you are a kid. It's okay to help out, but don't let it go to far. Do your own thing. Don't continue to take on that role or it will soon be expected of you and you will probably get bitter about it after time. And if it is to that point then you need to sit down and talk to your parents. You are the kid, not the parent. Not that you haven't done good. But, it will wear you out. Your job is to be a kid. Your parents' job is to raise and care for all four of you.

Answer 2

Try sitting down with your parents and telling them how you feel. Do not get angry. Maybe they don't realize exactly how bad things are. You seem like you're headed in the right direction, and are pretty grown up, so act like an adult while having the conversation. Also, make sure to get both parents together for this. It's not going to work if you only try to fix the problem with half of the solution.
As far as your dad is concerned, he needs to figure out a way to deal with life at home without the anger. You should NOT feel responsible for the entire family's issues.
You are not the parent, and quite frankly, maybe this little discussion will bring to light the fact (to your parents) that they're obviously not being the parents, as they're supposed to. That is their job, not yours.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

I'm the oldest of 3, when I was younger it seemed that my parents left me to be responsible for the younger 2, I did basically what you did, make sure chores/homework is done, did laundry and cook. Your brother is probably acting out because your parents are not available to him, your little sister might end up the same way in the future. Let his chores pile up, eventually someone will notice, your not the parent, being the responsible one makes you a lot older than what you are, don't forget that your a kid too, have some fun sometime, let your parents be the parents

Answer 4

You are asking the wrong people. You should ask your parents just that question. While it is normal for the eldest to take care of the younger in a family with both parents working, The parents are responsible for punishment when the youngsters misbehave.

If they are non-responsive, ask them what they are going to do when you go off to college. If they think you are going to college locally, suggest that with such unsolvable problems at home you will need to go away from home to succeed at college.

I might also suggest that you discuss dividing the time you are responsible for supervision with your brother. Then make sure you are not there(at least at first) when he is the responsible party.

You are not responsible for you fathers heart. If it is really a concern talk separately with your mom about your worries.

Do not have these discussion with you parents when you or they are upset about something. If you need to, make an appointment , like for Sunday morning, take them for coffee someplace.

Answer 5

You sound like a great kid with a lot of potential. Obvoiusly your parents are taking you for granted. I would be planning my 18th birthday party as a 'I'm moving out" party. You have a lot of responsibility on you right now. I would hate to see you burned out before you even get through college. I would just back off, don't worry about your brother. When the chores aren't done, your parents will have to deal with your brother, and you don't have to loose your mind.

Answer 6

My sister and I can relate to your experience. We grew up with 8 kids. She was #2 and I was #4.The boys were #1 and #3. We had 4 younger sibs- 2 boys and 2 girls. In age we ranged from 14 down to 3.

When my parents divorced (I was 10), my mom went back to school. All the kids had to share all the chores, get their work done, get to and from school etc.

It was hard work. The big kids were responsible for the little kids. My older brothers did not help much and they spent a lot of time accusing my older sister of being too bossy. We all had to stay home and clean all day Saturday if the house was a wreck. Sometimes mom would cook, sometimes one of us kids would cook. We rotated washing dishes. As soon as we could reach the knobs we washed our own clothes and those of littler kids. Most of the time floors got swept, and the kitchen was clean but only on Saturday/ Sunday did the house look presentable.

We all managed to be honor students (this seemed to be the most important thing in our house), hold part time jobs, volunteer as required by our schools, learned to cook at least some, take care of little kids, and learned to live with the chaos that results from not having a "director" parent there all the time. None of us kids was a "Born Organized Type."

You might remind yourself and your parents that the only person's behavior that you can control is your own. Each child in your family must be resposible for their own behavior, choices and the consequences thereof.

You might try positive reinforcement of the 14 yo's behavior. Rather than lose it when he misbehaves...catch him being good, catch him being honest. Reward that with compliments, extra help for his disliked chores, extra time to visit friends. Thank him for his co-operation.

Pat yourself on the back too. This is a lot of work, but it will not last forever. The learning of coping skills is priceless.

Make sure to cut out All name calling and labeling of sibs. People live up to your expectations- good and bad, complimentary and derogatory. (that includes things like disgraceful and brat).

This is just a bit of encouragement and advice from a 46 year old mother of 4 (16,19, 21.24). I actually used to pay them each a dollar to babysit themselves and get their chores done without anybody reminding them. Each kid had the job of being his/her own boss. If they were: alive, unhurt, smiling, had a simple chore done, and had a Happy story to tell me when I got back (maybe being gone 1/2 to 1 hour) then they would each get paid for doing a good job. Any complaints or unfinished work etc. meant that particular child did not get paid. They made a real effort to get along, get their work done, and cooperate not only with me but with each other.

Be creative and kind, you will find something that works. but also get enough rest so that you aren't dealing with exhaustion on top of too much work.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Your first line caught my attention because I get sick of being a parent also, but the difference of myself and you is that I am 40 years old, I birthed 4 of my children and adopted 2 more so there is a big difference. I get sick of it at times because it can be challenging but I continue because when I see the children now that has no parenting and what they are turning out to be makes me want to give my children all that I can during these times, it just makes them a better person.
Now you, you are doing a job that is not yours. I guarantee you that you need your parents, yes and not being the parent. I understand that both of your parents are real busy but just to be honest one of them if not both needs to slow and parent these children that they have caused to be apart of this world. I truely understand that desire to work in a job of what you love and better yourself as a parent believe me I do, but we as parents are responsibile for getting these children here and that is not the end of our responsibility. We have to see them to the end of their childhood and even when they become adults our jobs are not over then, it does change but it does not end. So if I was you I would pick a very calm moment and talk to my parents.
Hope this helps, God bless you
www.WorkAtHomeUnited.com/twin

Answer 8

What are you talking about, SS? She is acting as a parent to her siblings...she didn't choose to. She can't just let them be unruly. 14-year-old boys can be like that. A lot of teenagers in general tend to rebel against their own parents and refuse to do chores, and it's especially bad when they are having to listen to a sibling who they feel have no right to boss them around. Have you discussed this with your parents? It's not fair to you to have to deal with it all. If they can't take care of their children, they shouldn't have had children in the first place. Talk to them, express your concerns, and tell them you are 17 and shouldn't have to be in charge. Good luck.

Answer 9

You have a couple of options:

1. Ignore them completely. Go somewhere where you can be alone and don't let them interrupt you. (I use this methods with my nephews. I only say something when I think they're going to hurt themselves or each other)

2. Tell your parents. They are the parents and they should police their kids. You would have to have a well though our organized adult conversation with them or else they won't respect your feelings.

3. Deal with it until you are 18 and go away to college or save your money and move out if you're not planning on going to college.

I would actually do all three options.

Good luck!

Answer 10

First and foremost, congratulations. You have shown that you are more responsible, more mature and more dependable than your elder brother. I suggest you look at this on another view. Life is full of these kinds of people or even worse and I'm sure that when you do, you'll know how to deal with them. Just be strong and be the good person you are.