Bridesmaid ettiquette - becoming expensive?

Question

I'm a bridesmaid for a wedding at the end of the year. The bride, the groom and their families are very financially well off. I am not. The wedding, of course, is no expense spared. Due to personal preference and some degree of religious reason the wedding is on a Sunday. I was going to arrive on Saturday (flying there) and thought the rehersal would be then. But the bride has insisted this happen on Friday. This means I have to find accommodation for 3 nights as opposed to 2. (At an average of $120 per night, its fairly expensive and I've look at cheaper places but there's nothing). Because the airport is out of the way and no one can come and pick me up, I now also have to hire a car for the 3 days and this will cost $150. It just seems this wedding is costing me so much. I expected it'd cost $500 tops but its getting closer to $1000.00.

Is it right to ask the bride for help or is it not worth risking a friendship over money? And not agree to be bridesmaid ever again!

I've already had to buy my dress, underwear, shoes and jewellery and this has cost $400. Now with accommodation, travel, hire car and meals (at no doubt the most dearest places for the 3 days).....you can see why its becoming expensive for me!

Answer 1

I don't think you should ask the bride for money. You're just going to have to do it.

Answer 2

Wow...$220 for makeup and hair! That's a lot of money and I'm in Los Angeles! I'd say even with long hair going into an up-do, that should be no more than $60 and the makeup should be $40 to $60. So, let's say worse case scenario would be about $120 and then a tip. But she's probably having the do it "on site" which is probably why it's so expensive. Then shoes $100 - well, that sounds expensive for a pair of fancy shoes that you'll probably wear one time. And $50 for accessories - like??? Hair clips, jewelry??? How about she use that $50 out of her pocket buy those as your Bridesmaid's gifts? I would explain to her that you will wear your hair and makeup the way you usually do. Tell her to show you what the shoes look like she wants you to buy and you will make them match for a lot less and see what these expenses are - where are they sold so you can see if you can match with a dead knockoff (or Ross, T J Maxx, or Marshalls - yes, they do sell the same thing as the department stores in the current year they are in fashion for. Tell her that you seriously were not expecting this unplanned expenses so close to the wedding and it will either mean not being able to make your housepayment if you spend this unplanned money on the wedding and you will meet her halfway with perfect hair, makeup, shoes, and accessories. Times are really tough right now and everyone I know is about one paycheck away from being out on the street. I hope she is compasionate under these circumstances. And if she insists you get your hair and makeup professional done - check into your local cosmetology school. You will pay 1/10 of what a salon would charge. Good luck.

Answer 3

I was a maid of honour a few years ago and paid about $1,000 for the whole thing. It's not cheap!

Are there any hostels in the area? You can find hostels in most cities and pay around $20-$50 for a room per night. www.hostelworld.com or www.hostelz.com are good. Also check out Hostelling International. If it's a smaller town and there are no hostels, how about a B&B or an inn? Another option is to ask if she has a friend with a spare room (or pullout couch) you could use.

My brother has four groom's men flying in for his wedding and he's finding them accomodation with friends for free. I don't think that they should expect you to pay that cost as well as a car rental - I'm surprised they won't pick you up. Before renting a car, I would check the airport website (or just do a google search) to see if there's an airport shuttle in the city. (I would look but you didn't give the name of the city.) Most cities/towns have airport shuttles that are either free or very inexpensive. Another option is taxi (more expensive) or public transit.

I would probably let them know that you're feeling the strain of the cost, but I wouldn't outright ask for money. Just let them know because of the accommodation, flight, etc, you can't afford to pay any more. Ask if they can help find a friend or relative's place you could stay at, as well as transport. It's not fair of them to require you to do all of this yourself.

But, remember that they may say no! Sounds like they aren't being very accommodating or helpful with this in the first place.

Answer 4

You are right! This is getting ridiculous!

Tell the bride that since she wants the rehearsal on Friday nite and you just can't manage the cost of another nite in a hotel, you may not be able to make it to the rehearsal.

Then tell her that you are going to need to borrow a car or definitely have someone pick you up and drive you for the weekend, maybe another bridesmaid, because you just can't manage the cost of a rental car.

If she gets huffy or anything, you can tell her that you have already broken your bank on the 2 nites hotel, the attire, and the airfare, and you are just not as well off as they are.

If she is not accomodating or understanding, I might consider dropping out. You should be able to cancel or change your ticket and re-sell your dress.

Although guests usually pay their hotel, bridesmaids who are expected to be at more parties, meals, etc. should have a little consideration shown to them. Especially when the expectations seem to be very unreasonable. The way these people are treating you, with no regard to your finances at all, is totally rude and tacky!

Answer 5

Are there going to be other people coming in for the wedding? The reason i ask is because i did hair for a wedding that was out of town. the brides mother paid booked a motel for the wedding and all guests were asked to stay there and they got a discounted rate because the motel was guaranteed to have people stay that night. She also paid for the rooms for the bridesmaids to stay. I don't think it is unreasonable for you to tell your friend you financial situation. Just tell her that you are honored to be in her wedding but you simply cannot afford to be there for that many days....she can either understand and accept you wont be there for the rehearsal or offer to pay for a night in a hotel. you could also try sites like expedia and travelosity to see if they have cheaper rates on a "package" deal which would include your plane fair hotel and car rental you might find something cheaper that way. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Traditonally, members of the wedding party are responsible for their own wedding attire, travel arrangements, and lodging.

This happens quite frequently . . young women and men are so excited about being in somone's wedding that they do not know how costly it will be. The say, "Yes, I'd love to be in your wedding" before they know what the dress (or tuxedo) is going to cost and what the plane ticket is going to cost (plus food and entertainment for the balance of the weekend).

My advice to you is . . tell the Bride that being in her wedding is costing you twice as much as expected and you are having a difficult time financially. It's possible she may understand your dilema and offer some help OR she may be so wrapped in her own plans that she really doesn't care about your problem.

Here is a perfect example of why you should ask the Bride what their plans are BEFORE you say . . "Yes."

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 7

Call whatever family member you are closest too or you you feel would be receptive. Tell this person you have only $300 left and are heartbroken, but feel that you may have to withdraw. If that doesn't shame them into providing airport transportation for you, and possibly finding someone with a guest room -- then nothing will. It's deplorable the way those giving weddings give so little thought to the financial hardship their decisions may create for attendants.

Answer 8

All weddings have been costing my husband and I over$1,000 to $2,000 in the last few years. It's something that everyone needs to consider when accepting the invitation to be in one. It's not just buying a dress like it was 20 years ago, now it's a real expense. You can only suck it up and not accept any more invitations to be a bridesmaid.

Answer 9

I would tell the bride that there is no way you can be there on Friday, that financially, you are just not able. It is then up to her to decide if she really needs/wants you there, then she should offer to pay for at least one night in the hotel and have someone pick you up.

It really is alright to miss the rehearsal, it's not like we have not all done the bridesmaid thing before anyway.

Answer 10

I paid for all my girls stuff, i didn't want to put them out money wise...If you haven't rented you car yet, try Alamo, i search everywhere for a car i need for my trip the end of this month...I went to alamo.com and found a SUV 1/2 the price of anywhere else, if you pay ahead of time you get 10% off to ...The hotel price, you may not find a better deal, depending on whats happening in that city at that time...A motel may be cheaper...
The bride may not be thinking of the cost for people, she has to many things on her mind...To bad you cant just stay with her at her home, that would save you money....

Answer 11

I think it is okay to ask your friend for help when it is costing you so much and it isn't even your wedding. She should be understanding, especially if she is well-off and helping you out won't be much of a problem. It's too bad that she isn't very considerate and thinks the world revolves around her. Sorry! Get better friends and avoid being her bridesmaid NEXT time :)