My husband and I have a very healthy sex life. We have and enjoy watching porn from time to time. I noticed after some time that our DVD's were missing, and eventually found them in my 10 yr old sons room. They are usually locked in a safe, but I must have forgotten to lock it the last I accessed it. After the 1st incident, my husband threw all the DVD's away, and I yelled at my son for snooping and basically told him porn was "bad" which I know now was the wrong explanation. Yesterday, when I was cleaning his room, I found another DVD hidden under his mattress-it was another one of ours but missed it. I didn't say anything the second time. I don't want to badger my son, I know its my fault for not protecting him from it in the first place. I want him to have a healthy sex life and not look at sex as "dirty". I remember being exposed to sex on several occasions at a very young age and still remember the images. How do I talk to my son about this and explain it correctly?
2007-09-05 15:52:40 · 15 answers · asked by Angelina M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You can talk to him directly and also try to explain what is SEX and all. It is the correct age for a boy to know something about Sex and by this time to my knowledge he would have seen all the unwanted scenes from your DVD and from his DVD. So there is no question of hiding theses information from him. You can also take your husband for your help and see that your boy will not mistake you two people. As psychologist I am recommending to say this to your son, so that he will not go out of the way. Early SEX Education is not a bad idea and that too from parents. Do not treat him badly for this affair. It is very very natural for a boy of that age to know about the sex. You do not have to feel very bad about this incident and feel guilty of having done this mistake. All the best Yours VRVRAO
2007-09-05 17:19:32 · answer #1 · answered by Raghavendra R 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
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2016-07-27 09:52:30 · answer #2 · answered by Steven 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for one you just committed the biggest oxymoron of all time by doing what you did. I mean you took the DVDs from him and pretty much said all that was wrong and stuff. While at the same time you and your husband are watching them. I think what would be better is having asked him what he thought about the movies instead of just taking them from him. See kids already are having early sexual curiousities these days and yelling at them about sex being wrong, while you and your husband are doing it is only confusing him. You need to see where his mind is on sex. What questions does he have. I mean you have to be open and honest with him and talk to him as if you would talk to any adult about this stuff. I mean even watch a movie together and explain things to him about it. But really I think it may be a bit too late. I mean he may not watch the movies again for a while as he feels his parents went nuts on him, though they have them in a safe. So pretty much any message he gets from you will still be confused on his part. But at least you know you have tried to explain things better.
P.S. Never yell at your kid for taking something like that of yours and then still expect them to be healthy and sane as you are. They are young and only realize the action is bad, but they still would wish to do it. Good luck on the chat.
2007-09-05 16:09:10 · answer #3 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well you handled it poorly the first time and frankly, that is what he will remember. If you want to change his out look on appropriate adult sexual behavior you have GOT to maintain your temper, get over your shame (that is why you yelled), and admit that even adults make mistakes.
Speak calmly and seriously. Apologize for yelling and tell him why you yelled. Express your fears. Then allow him to express himself. Ask him why he wanted to see things like this so young. NOW is the time for a candid discussion about sex and appropriate behavior. Your comfort level means nothing....suck it up....now is the time. If you have an open dialog with your children about sex then they are more likely to make wise choices when they are older.
2007-09-05 16:21:05 · answer #4 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
looking at porn creates a tendency for that person to be more 'sexual'. Distorts views of women. Sometimes it can be damaging to how he is socially with women. Basically, it increases the chances for your son to have a girlfriend with low self esteem and increases your chances of him having a kid before turning 18.
2016-04-03 05:49:10 · answer #5 · answered by Heather 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can u admit you and your husband were wrong about the dvds ?and if you can then start there. try to explain to him all the reasons you and your husband used the dvds and then tell him how wrong you both were because it got into his hands and because he ,s very young those kind of dvds are nothing but trouble and also if you and your husband had every thought about it you both would not have had any thing to to do with the dvds .now its hurt my son and i dont know how to even start to explain how bad it is for him and rely for us to . with love explain it to him or let him have this idea that sex is love
2007-09-05 16:05:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're better off not making a big deal about it. He's going to be curious, but still too young to really understand everything he's seen. His limited exposure will probably not adversely affect him as much as your violent reaction to the situation.
Gather your adult things and be more careful about locking them up.
Of greater importance is his violating your privacy, taking things from you, and concealing it. That is the behavior that needs to be sternly addressed, not his curiosity about sex. He needs to learn to respect his parents' space and leave your personal belongings alone.
2007-09-05 16:03:21 · answer #7 · answered by AnswerGuy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have a lot to say on this issue as porn ruined my marriage & corrupted my children. you say u use porn to have a healthy sex life, u will not like what i have to say but please hear me out. So many people have no idea what they’re getting into with this. there is nothing good about porn at all, it creates feelings of lust which is of little or any benefit to anyone. the lost girls who do these videos think little of themselves & allow their bodies to be used and degraded in every sort of debauched manner. they allow themselves to be influenced and controlled by corrupt, whore mungering men. there is nothing these girls won't do for these men. does this sound like something healthy to you?
watching this eventually leads to one partner being more drawn to it than the other & this destroys intimacy which does not help the relationship. eventually my husband preferred the porn sluts over a real woman (me) and i became a porn widow. This is the way this ends for many couples who started out using porn to spice up their lives. not to say that this always happens or that it will definitely happen to you. But the fact that it has fallen into the hands of your son is not a good sign. You may be amazed by the stories and number of people whose lives have been destroyed by this very thing. If you care to go to www.dailystrength.org it is a site for all sorts of support groups, go to the porn addiction community. read the stories there. if this doesn't convince you nothing will.
regarding your son getting a hold of the porn, one can figure this would happen eventually. things that go on in secret usually cannot be completely concealed & will eventually come to light for all to see. you said you remember when you were exposed to sex at an early age & how it affected you and you cannot get the images out of your head. your son's exposure to porn had no less of an effect as it is so powerful to see and once seen it cannot be forgotten and is difficult to stop. so as you say, telling him that it’s bad or that he’s naughty for watching something that mom and dad think is okay is futile. i don't know what to tell you here as once a child or adult is exposed to this it can’t be taken back and all innocence is lost in the blink of an eye.
I speak from experience here & apologize if you do not want to hear this. but if you care to read my story go to that website & look up my profile - username: mckeeckm but to answer your original question about how to talk to your son & explain it correctly - can you convincinglytell him it's wrong if you don't believe it is? will he be convinced to feel differently about it? i don't know there is a correct way to explain this but you could consider explaining that you made a mistake by having it in the house because you believe it is wrong and although he had no business getting into your safe, you are sorry that it was there for him to see at all. again i apologize if i have offended you. but if i can prevent anyone else from going through the heartbreak we have i am moved to try. all the best for you & your family.
2007-09-05 17:18:49 · answer #8 · answered by itsjustme 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
My advice is to take all the DVD's and crush them, then he won't have access to them, explanations.. i don't know how the right way would be... My teacher explained this (she's required to, computer class and all) by saying that it messes up your life, a married man with 2 daughters got hooked on it, and suddenly he was divorced, and didn't have custody of his daughters, messed up his whole life.
2007-09-05 15:57:28 · answer #9 · answered by Crappy Haircut Girl 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if you tell him not to watch it, it's only going to make him want to watch it even more. so the best thing to do is to explain to him that he is not old enough to be watching such things, and that sex is something that should be experienced by two people when they are ready. and at 10 there is no way that he's even close to being ready
2007-09-05 15:58:10 · answer #10 · answered by made it to the top 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋