None of our family is invited, it appears to be their family vacation with a wedding thrown in. I have a large, close family and would like to share the joy with them. How can I voice my concerns (I know it's not about me, but I don't think this is my son's wish either)
2007-09-05 14:14:18 · 16 answers · asked by Alana 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If HE wants you there, then he will bring this to THEIR attention - but it sounds like he's lost control of the situation...
Mention to him your interest in attending - and see where it goes from there :):)
2007-09-05 14:21:48 · answer #1 · answered by kr_toronto 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well at first I was going to say you only have input if you're considerably helping with the financial aspect of the wedding. The further I got into your details the more concerned I got. You really need to have a talk with your son (not a scolding, a talk) AWAY from the bride and her family. Just tell him how important you think family is, and while he IS starting his own family, that you don't want to be shunned just because of it. Just remind him that you love him, and you would absolutely love to see him get married.
.....However, I will side note that this doesn't sound like a good marriage. If the bride isn't considerate enough to invite her future husbands family, she's not going to care about any of his feelings. I don't think this is going to turn out well for your son if they follow through. I really wish you good luck to your family.
2007-09-05 21:22:02 · answer #2 · answered by BlackDahlia 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's highly offensive that your son wouldn't invite you to his wedding, when he's not eloping. And that he wouldn't consider your wish to share the occasion with aunts, uncles, grandparents and siblings. Even assuming the bride is completely self-absorbed and thoughtless, which she sounds like, a thoughtful son would put his foot down and veto those plans.
I see weddings as not only being about bringing the couple together, but about bringing families together, and sharing their joy. It's incredibly rude to have only family from one side at a wedding, but not the other.
I would calmly tell your son all your concerns you shared here, and how hurt you are by this. But it will be his decision whether to veto the plans, invite family members on the cruise, etc. How you handle the situation should he not change the plans is up to you. But definitely express your opinion to him and don't keep silent about this!
2007-09-06 00:47:55 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what??????? what in the world are you talking about? you are describing something bizarre. since when does a brides family go on a cruise with her and her fiance, they get married, and no one says anything to the grooms side ? who in the world puts on a wedding and does not invite the entire grooms side of the family? is this what is really happening? or have you all been invited and cant go because of money or time constraints. in fact, were you the one who asked how to cope when the bride wanted her wedding to be a 2 week cruise? if you speak to the brides family or to the bride and it is indeed their wish to have a private wedding without you and your son is going along with this.......i gotta tell you i think that is horrible. i always get really snotty to people on answers, but i am on your side 100%. it sounds like all the other answers are concerned about this too. we all seem to be with you, mom.
all you can do is have a reception for your son and his bride for, of course, your own family, you can have it in your own dining room at your home when they come back. i am sorry this is happening to you. i would like to know more
i do know there is a new trend for people to get married in hawaii or on cruise ships or in vegas or in italy and it is true that many families cant do this. so the wedding is very small and the bride and groom usually give a reception for everyone else when they get back. it is widely done. but i have never heard of anyone deliberately going away with only one side of the family.
2007-09-05 21:35:09 · answer #4 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is the bride's show but there should be some provision for you to attend the wedding of your only son. I can't think that you are not even invited to the wedding. If your problem is that most of this large close family is not going to be able to attend what is essentially what is now called a destination wedding, then your only recourse is to throw a second wedding party for the couple when they return from their honeymoon. You can voice your concerns to the bride and her family but you really cannot tell them what kind of wedding to have and who to invite. it would have been nice if they all could have been included but that is how it is and it really is up to you now to show some class and be gracious about the whole thing. If it really means that much to you, have the second reception, I am certain the Bride and Groom would not mind.
2007-09-05 21:25:01 · answer #5 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Asks them about it without imposing. They might just want to get it over with. Some people are frightened of a large wedding and some people just need it. Maybe catch your son and the lucky bride on separate occasions to ask questions about the wedding without again imposing. This is a very tough situation, but it sounds like you need to get it out in the open.
2007-09-05 21:20:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to your son. Ask him about your family's role in the festivities and if it is as you think then see if they won't mind have a second ceremony sponsored by you and your husband for your side of the family. It's a bit of a pain to do it this way but at least you can have your family witness your son's wedding and not have to book a cruise to do so.
2007-09-05 21:19:37 · answer #7 · answered by indydst8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow- are you kidding?? Your future daughter-in-law is totally rude, in my opinion!! I can't believe she would have absolutley no regard for her future in-laws. I agree that your large family doesn't necessarily need to be included, but AT LEAST the immeadiate family of her future husband!! Talk to your son privately first, is my advice. I am the mother of an only child son, and if I wasn't included in HIS wedding, I think I'd throw a fit...it's NOT ALL about HER! Say something or you'll miss out on a major milestone in his life!
2007-09-05 21:25:09 · answer #8 · answered by chloe1995 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if your son doesn't agree, it is best that the disagreement come from him only. she will only resent you if you speak up, which she won't soon forget.
ask your son how he feels. if he doesn't care, then drop it. if he does and wants something different, encourage him to talk to her. then drop it. don't try to persuade him to talk to her. even this way, your son will probably mention you and you will still end up being the enemy. ("my mom wants some of her family here...")
i realize that you are excited about the wedding, but it is really their decision to pick who they want to share the moment with, not yours. if you feel you must have family partake in the festivities, then perhaps you should throw an engagement party for them. that way, you can plan it and invite who you want. or throw a shower for them.
2007-09-05 21:41:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, the soon to be bride seems very selfish.
It is just as much your right as the son's parents as it is the bride's parents to be there celebrating their marriage. Definitely put your opinion on the whole 'maternal family cruise/wedding'. That's just not right, and if you're son doesn't seem that enthused, he should speak up...it's his day too!
2007-09-05 21:21:04 · answer #10 · answered by Allgeier 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your son, it can't hurt. Can't imagine having a wedding without family and good friends there!
2007-09-06 09:03:42 · answer #11 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋