i have a nine year old that likes to hug and touch other kids alot. ( not in a bad way)?

Question

i tell her about personal space but she just keeps doing it and keeps getting in their faces. in a excitingly way, its like she gets excited to see her friends and she just gets way to over board, please help

Answer 1

Remind her that kids will be overwhelmed with her affection - she needs to be friendly but without all the hugging........she's just lovable but they do not understand at that age.

Answer 2

Try practicing with her. First, let her know that doing that is great as far as expressing herself...but that it can make people nervous. You can tell her too, that you want her to be polite, and to be polite, there is a sort of unspoken 3 ft. rule. When you speak to someone else, you always stand about 3 feet away. It's not so much that the touching is so awful IF she's in conversation and say...touches her friend's arm, but touching is one of those things that you can't just DO without the other person's (spoken or unspoken) permission. Show her what a person does when they don't want to be touched (pull away slightly or step back a bit) just to show her the body language. She may be able to stop herself if she actually knows the signs and can recognize them.


Also...watch her friends. If they do the same thing she does...then she's just following suit. 9 year old girls ARE very comfortable touching and hugging (which is of course, on many levels...why you have to talk to her) but if you notice that her friends are annoyed by it, or avoid her because of it...you may need to explain that GENTLY so that she doesn't suddenly think all of her friends secretly dislike her.

Answer 3

Well, she sounds really sweet and affectionate...

Im sure if the people she was doing it to (and Im assuming it the same people) would have responded negatively towards her by now if they actually had a problem with it... You know, if you pet a dog and it bites...You'll be more careful next time...!

Just sit her down and make her listen to you... But dont tell her its a bad thing, it's great shes so passionate and enthusiastic... Too many people in todays world are cold, unfriendly, afraid of their 'neighbour.' I dont really think there's any other way to resolve the issue... Tell her to hold back, just say hi, smile and if they hug her, its all good, if not, hold back..

I cant help thinking though she's being influenced by some tv show i.e Bratz, or one of those american shows where the girls all scream and hug at the slighest thing!!

Answer 4

I have a nine year old girl to that used to do that but i told her one day that she had head lice (she didn't) I treated her hair to show her every thing you have to go through, I even made her help wash all the she etc . And then told her that she is going to keep getting them if she keeps hugging her friends and getting to close to them. It only took two pretend treatments and she stopped hugging everyone (I didn't go and buy the expensive stuff either, i just got a cheap shampoo and a bottle of eucalyptus oil and added some to it so it would have a strong smell , like the real stuff) Good luck!

Answer 5

Look into Social Skills & Social Stories....you can create a social story for your situation. I have an 8 yr old with Asperger's syndrome who doesn't quite understand personal space and still wants to hug everyone at school (he even hugs the custodian..lol). The social stories can help anyone, Asperger's or not.

Answer 6

My daughter used to do that alot. She stopped now because the other kids used to scowl at her and tell the teacher on her, and she'd get told off. She still gets really excited but she contains it now, or expresses it another, more appropriate way. If we go somewhere where people are more huggy, she adapts. She can be both ways now.
I would teach her to express it more appropriately, a way that people will accept where you live.

Answer 7

Explain to her that some people might get upset about being hugged, so tell her she really needs to ask if she can hug someone before she does. Otherwise, if someone's having a bad day, they might get mad at her or they might cry. She should be able to understand that. Develop a "code" between you and her so you can help her enforce it. (In other words, if you see her getting too touchy-feely, you cough so she knows to chill a little.)

Good luck!

Answer 8

I agree with Olivo she is just a loving little girl. You would have a problem if she was bully.

Give her a hug a kiss and a cuddle if / when you read this for all of us.

God Bless You And Your Loving Little Girl.

Answer 9

I think it's sweet that she likes to show her happiness to others when seeing them. Nowadays so many people are touchy on the slightest innocent gestures. You will have to find someway for her to understand which is hard, sad world we live in anymore when you can't even hug people in fear of a lawsuit being pressed for harassment.

Answer 10

you have to teach your little girl about other peopls boundaries. nowadays schools are SOOOO over protective of their students - at my brothers school (elm) touching can get you suspended. try to get her to understand that touching other people all the time might make other people uncomfortable. its great because she has a big heart, and is obviously loveable - but some people dont think so when it comes on to their kid being touched. also she might carry this into her preteen and teenage years, and boys are sensitive to "touch" they think of one thing - sit down and talk to her about her body, and the changes in her body, and growing up - she will understand. good luck mom ♥

Answer 11

I wouldn't worry about too much... she's just excited to see her friends. I would start to worry when the other kids get uncomfortable or its going farther than just a friendly hug. Other than that, just be excited that she's not bullying them!