I ran into an old friend who ive known since a very young age last week that i havnt seen in a few years, i spoke to him briefly and told him id post my mobile number through his door so we could catch up. Yesterday i bumped into his mum, who over the years has been very kind to me (she sent me a best wishes card after we crossed paths while i was leaving hospital after taking an overdose and i'd been honest with her about why id been in hospital). In conversation she told me that her mum (my mate's grandmother) had passed away. After offering my condolences i felt a bit awkward and speechless and so asked when the funeral is due, and then said that id attend. I'd known the deceased briefly while hanging out round this friend's house, but barely even had a conversation with her. So, im wondering how my old mate will react if he sees me at his grandmothers funeral... it feels a bit wierd since i barely knew his gran. Should i just send a sympathy card and not turn up at the service?
2007-09-05 12:50:12 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
That settles it then, im more than happy myself to attend so i will. Thanks for your answers everyone
2007-09-05 13:09:54 · update #1
Fadumsch, let me tell you something - you're one sick f**k
2007-09-05 13:13:01 · update #2
Well since you already told someone you would attend I think it would be nice if you did.
Even though you didn't have any real relationship with the deceased..you do have one with her daughter and grandson.
For all you know your friend may be waiting to see you1
It's funny, at a time like this you always remember who DIDN'T attend the funeral or wake.
2007-09-05 12:57:42 · answer #1 · answered by djc1175 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
You don't go always go to funerals because you were close to the deceased - sometimes you go just to show support for the bereaved, so it's cool to attend if you want to give your friend's Mum some moral support. If it were me, I'd just tell my friend what had happened with his Mum (by the note with your phone number on it maybe?) and ask him how he would feel about you going to the funeral - explaining that his Mum had always been nice to you. I'm sure she'd be touched by seeing you there, especially since you've had your own problems in the past. Really hope you're feeling better yourself now, babes....
2007-09-05 13:13:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Funerals are mainly for the living. It would seem quite churlish now if you weren't to atttend after inviting yourself.
It is better that you turn up in person with nothing than just sending a note or flowers, unless you have a valid excuse for not attending.
It shows support and respect for the family.
2007-09-05 16:06:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You attend a funeral not always for the person being interred, but for the surviving family. Go to the service to show your respect and support for your friend and his mother. Not necessary for you to approach them at the service....they may never even know you are there. But you will know and will have done the right thing.
The gesture will not go unnoticed. They will see who did and didn't attend when they go though the visitors book.
2007-09-05 13:00:03 · answer #4 · answered by claudiacake 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You must honor your commitment. Leave a letter of sympathy with a family member or one of the funeral directors so that the family will know you have performed this show of respect. So as to not upset your friend further, stay in background and allow him (her?) the choice of whether to approach you or not.
2007-09-05 13:07:41 · answer #5 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should go. His mother probably told your friend she bumped into you, and how would it look if your didn't turn up?
Send a card in the meantime, and see if you can find out if there will be donations to a charity rather than flowers.
2007-09-05 20:58:02 · answer #6 · answered by Thia 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if u think its gona b arqued jus send flowers and a card 2 the funeral
but ya firend al prob like 2 see u and will need support 2 get thru the day
hope i helped xx
2007-09-05 12:56:53 · answer #7 · answered by minni 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The funeral is not for the deceased, it is for the people they left behind., You should be there to support your friend, especially since you told his Mother you would.
2007-09-05 13:25:04 · answer #8 · answered by Crishelle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As someone who has lost many family members I know he would be thrilled you came , out of respect for his family!! I had friends show up that barely knew my brother and I was very touched by their presents!!
2007-09-05 12:58:57 · answer #9 · answered by Polar Molar 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a similar thing happened to me years ago....got some advice and attended the service.....I think it will mean a lot to your friend, as going to such services are about paying last respects to the dearly departed ....
Also remember you don't get invited to funerals .you go because you want to go
2007-09-05 13:04:52 · answer #10 · answered by carnt spel 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋