Dont want kids at a wedding???

Question

I am getting married and really dont want kids at the wedding. I would be worried about them getting hurt and gettting into trouble or breaking something. How do I say now kids allowed at my wedding without it beening rude?

The wedding is going to be very formal. Complete with china and crystal. Which are all rentals. Most of the kids are little under the age of 12.

Answer 1

There is no way to accept an invitation that has not been issued. Yet, people do it. Your first line of defence is to invite every single guest by name: no "and family" or "and guest". If you particularly want to invite someone's special friend, then find out that friend's name and send him or her an invitation.

Your second line is for you or your delegates to call every household to which an invitation has been sent. Your stated purpose for the call is to confirm that the invitation arrived safely, but this is your opportunity to assert control of your guest list. Say "I'm sorry, but we're not having children" with no further explanation. If pressed, your explanation is "It's simply impossible. We won't be having children."

If it seems advisable, make second and even third phone calls in days leading up to the wedding. Confirm and re-confirm "We're so looking forward to seeing you and Edna. I'll have two seats for you!" until everyone gets the idea that you mean business here.

There are further advantages to make all this phone calling worthwhile. By doing your rsvp-ing via phone, you eliminate printing and putting stamps on those cunning little cards that never seem to work as brides hope. And during the course of these calls, your prospective guests may very well broach the question of "What sort of gift would the couple like?" If they ASK, then there is nothing incorrect about telling them.

Answer 2

One never mentions in an invitation who isn't invited. What is properly done is to write the names of those invited on the envelope and not mention those who are not invited.

If someone attempts to respond including their children, you say: "I'm sorry, there seems to be a miscommunication. We really cannot accomodate children at our reception, but we'd love to see little Mordred another time. Perhaps we can arrange to spend some time with the little darling when we return from our honeymoon."

Do not argue, do not give reasons that parents may attempt to negotiate away, do not lose your temper, do not get defensive. Just keep repeating 'we really cannot accomodate children at our reception.' What you want to aim for is being a very polite brick wall.

It's your wedding, so it's up to you who is invited. Always be pleasant, but always be firm in the face of those who try to change your choices after the decision has been made.

Answer 3

I just got married a little over a month ago. We simply specified "Adult Reception to follow...." We also addressed the inner envelopes to the adults of each household. I was pleasantly surprised to find that our guests respected our wishes and we had absolutely no little children at our reception. It was awesome. Our florist/reception hall owner even complimented our courage for requesting that. So what if people are offended...if they don't respect your wishes, they might not show up, but that's one less negative person to try to ruin your big day.

Do what you want and enjoy every minute of it!

Answer 4

Just address each invite to the people you want to attend (the adults)

If they RSVP with children, call them up and explain that your reception venue is not kid friendly.

If they don't like this answer, remember not to get mad when they decline. You have all the right not to have children at your wedding. Especially if held at an expensive, formal and non-child friendly place. Which it sounds like your venue might be. Just remember, your guests have the right to decline to.

Good Luck

Answer 5

You send the invitations to Mr & Mrs so and so, not The So and So family. That implies it is just the two of them invited. People will possibly be insulted, and some may not be able to attend if they can't find baby sitters, etc. but it's your decision. Also if you let some people know that's your wishes (for example, the bridal party) the word will get around so if anyone questions it, it will be very clear.

Answer 6

We told family members ourselves that children would not be invited and explained that it wasn't the proper place for a child to be- with music and open bar. We printed Adult Reception on the RSVP cards. Which also are not having children IN the wedding so no having to pick one child over another.

Answer 7

It is not rude. It is your wedding. Not every place is appropriate for little kids. I wouldn't get too much into detail explaining why or you will keep getting excuses and comments and more questions. As the others said, just say that it is adults only. If you wanted to or are able to, you could have special arrangements at a nearby spot for them, with activities and a babysitter. But I wouldn't say you would be required to do that.

Answer 8

I would recommend sending out invitations only inviting the 'adults' to the wedding. Then also make sure that you only add a line saying attending then another option as not attending. Then they won't be able to add on their children and the invitation is only inviting the adults.

Answer 9

Like everyone else said put it on your invitations. Address your invites to "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" instead of putting "The Smith Family". I suggest getting separate reception cards with your invites and at the bottom put Adult Reception. Plus if you spread the word, people will usually pass it on.

Answer 10

Specify "Adults Only" on the invitation. Period.

Anyone who whines about this isn't being an adult, and therefore doesn't need to attend.

No, this isn't selfish of you at all. Big expensive affair, and you don't want it to head south because someone's little darling has a tantrum.