Talking to husband about a second baby?

Question

My husband and I have already agreed that we want a second child, the issue though is when. He wants Ian to be out of diapers and off of bottles, etc. I do not want to have to do diapers, then not, then do them all over again. I know my husbands wishes are important, but frankly...He doesnt change the diapers, he never makes the bottles...I am fine with that but I think if I am going to do all the work I should be the one to determine when. We have the money and the space, and if we do it soon we will still have all the equipment and such, but how do I get my husband to understand? I dont mean to be selfish and say it has to be my way or I wont be happy...but why does it have to be his instead of mine? Again, if he helped more I would understand why he feels this way, but he doesnt. How can I get him to at least consider? He pretty much wont talk to me about it...or at least wont listen. He says no and expects that to be that.

Answer 1

It sounds to me like your husband thinks that you're a child that should obey ...I think that needs to be addressed first and foremost

I would flat out tell him...what you just told us...

"You don't change the damn diapers so why do you care? What makes that a stipulation that makes sense in your head since it's not a responsibility you help with anyway?"

I think that's ridiculous...you are both adults and it's a decision that should be made by both of you.

If he doesn't listen to you ...make him listen...maybe he'll have his ears on after a week alone with child number one...while mommy spends his paycheck at the day spa.

Maybe he'll get a clue then.

Answer 2

It sounds like both of you are unwilling to budge and want your decision to be the decision agreed upon.

Can the two of you sit down and discuss why you both feel your choice is the better choice. If both of you talk about it, it's possible that you may come to a decision that both of you are comfortable with.

Personally, I was the opposite way. I didn't want two kids close together. There are definite advantages to having kids further apart. Two won't be in driver's ed, high school, college at the same time. We don't have the younger one expecting to do things at the same age as the older one (they are almost 7 years apart), and the older one is not always having her little sister tagging along or feeling like she has to wait until her younger sister get to do things at the same time. They are more likely to be individuals.

Ultimately, I would recommend making sure both of you are reading for two kids. Your husband will resent you if you force him into rushing into kids when he's not ready (I learned the hard way on this).

Answer 3

Tell him you're going off birth control and if he doesnt want babies he can not make them. You'll find that in the heat of the moment, he wont have his head in the right place to put a condom on ALL the time.

Thats sort of how my son happened...lol.

Just dont talk to him about babies at all. He will make them when he's ready. He wants one, he's probably just scared at the thought of having two. Men dont show fear the same as women. Women act scared, men act like assheads.

Just drop the issue, and the birth control, and let him think it through.