how do i controll my anger?

Question

i get angry a lot and i have a 3 year old son. i dont want him to learn from my anger. so how do i controll it?

Answer 1

When you feel yourself getting angry, simply leave the room and calm down. You don't want to take your anger out on your son, most importantly, and you don't want to create an atmosphere of tension.

It might also be beneficial to find some coping techniques. This could be breathing exercises, calling a friend, or something else.

Try and identify what makes you angry. Is it messes? Crying/whining? Once you find out what your triggers are, you can better control them because you can see them coming.

Answer 2

Controlling anger is a myth. Emotions aren't "controlled", they are buried. Very unhealthy. Emotions are not easily altered.

What you can control is your actions. But first you have to learn some things about emotions. We've all been taught a lot of myths and crap about emotions that simply aren't true and make it so much harder to change.

I am a family conflict coach and I teach that there are two sources of anger.

1. the part of yourself that you fear.
2. the feeling that it is "wrong" for you to get angry.

Here's the pattern:
1. Your kid does something that you don't like (like not listening, getting angry, hitting his brother, etc.) (If you pay attention the things that really drive you up the wall are the things your parents really used to let you have it for.)
2. You feel an emotional reaction. Anger. There is usually a story associated with this part. For example, 'That little "bleep" knows what I want him to do and he still won't do it. He doesn't respect me.'
3. You get angry about feeling anger. This part is quick and hard to catch and is quickly followed by...
4. A search for someone to blame, some way to justify it. "It's all your fault. If you would just listen!"

The main problem here is the feeling that it is wrong to feel angry. The secondary problem is that trying to change yourself has within it the understood assumption: the way that I am is wrong.

Both of these need to be short-circuited. The way to do this is letting them be. Let yourself be angry. Let yourself feel that you're wrong for feeling angry. Let yourself feel like you should change. But underneath it all, just sit there and let it be.

It is okay for you not to know the answer to everything or anything for that matter. It is okay for your kids to walk all over you. It is okay for you to be a terrible parent, etc. Just be okay with wherever you are. Let that sink in. It may take days or weeks or longer. But everyday wake up and maybe do a little meditation or preparation for the day saying, "It is okay if I get angry today. It is okay if I don't know what to do." etc.

Eventually the way to a new way to be will arise. Try different ways on. Try humor. Educate the people in your life that when you get angry it is just a mistake. And that everyone makes mistakes. This is a valuable lesson, especially for your 3 year old.

(www.familyfightclub.com)

Answer 3

I get very angry too. It's a normal feeling. "Grow up and act like an adult" is not helpful advice. I have found that working out, breathing deeply, and removing myself from the situation for a bit helps a lot. I also read "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" by Naomi Drew. It helped a lot. I get really stressed and angry a few days before my period, so hormones may be playing a part in your anger. I mark on the calendar each month when I feel my mood change, so the next month I know when to start practicing my calming techniques ahead of time. I grew up in a house where everyone yelled all the time and I don't want my kids to grow up like that. You are taking steps to change your behavior and that is what good parents do.

Answer 4

Anger is a secondary emotion. You need to ask yourself why you get/got angry. Usually with parenting, its a lack of patience coupled with frustration.
Then ask yourself "Is this worth it, to be showing hate and anger to someone I love?" One moment of your angered expression is not worth the damage it will do to your future relationship with him.

Your facial expressions, tone of voice and rage will be etched in his mind for a long time.

Fortunately, children are the most forgiving. Practice not yelling (or whatever you do), it's a choice. Allow that inner voice to stop you when you start to or want to. If you need to correct him, look him in the face with a seriousness (without conveying anger) and give him your command. Follow the command with a warning of the impending consequence (which must be followed through with consistently or he'll never take you seriously).

While at home, leaving the room "may" be helpful, this is not a solution when in public places for obvious reasons so you would have to consider the inconsistensies in the "leave the room" approach.

Smile at him alot when he is well-behaved. Make him know that you love him.

There is a good book titled: "The Heart of Anger" that has helped parents with this.

Answer 5

is it anger directed towards him or anger at other situations IE: work, money, politics etc.

If you are angry at your child the best thing to do is put yourself in a"time out", if you will. Put him in his room close the door, and walk away for a few minutes. It will give you time to collect your thoughts before you act.

If its a generalized anger problem, you may want to see out counseling. when you express your feelings through anger your blood pressure is elevated, you heart rate increases and you are running the risk of doing bodily harm to yourself. You need to learn to express your feeling without resorting to anger, as well as discover the root cause of jumping to an anger reaction. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

I don't have a 3 year old but I have an aweful anger problem. However, I'm really good at controlling it.
I do it through working out and martial arts. If you work out, you get all your agression out. And during work out, you actually have hormones released that helps calm your mind and helps you think better.

Answer 7

purely calm down, she replaced into having some exciting with you, of direction no person likes that. it is going to take place now and returned, yet you should channel your anger and remeber the only thank you to be taken heavily is to act like an person could. pass up to your mom and tell her heavily, "i myself did no longer delight in you calling me names, i'm sorry I blew up yet you particularly humiliated me in front of the others." The greater calm you are the lots greater in all probability she'll pay attention. Take your anger out in an activity- working, punching bag, purely something actual and hear indignant song too. There are constantly going to be circumstances that are going to make you mad, so which you do ought to discover a thank you to deal. stable luck

Answer 8

when you feel yourself losing, walk out of the room. basically, give yourself a time out. it's okay for you to tell him that you're feeling a little out of control and need to take a time out to calm yourself down. there's nothing more healthy for him to see than you recognizing a problem and telling him how you're going to solve it. in time, you might find him telling you he needs to take a little time out when he's on the verge of a meltdown.

Answer 9

take a chill pill son! check wit it yo cause dr. mac commin through wit dat ill sick cannabisistic illtistic wit it... ya feeln me? smokem once twice ya aint angered cause u be paradised in ur neighbors eyes! but if u got kids wit den i guess i cant help wit it fasho wit not gettin through so dont do it it tit feeln it? all im tryin to say son... is get wit it! play happy at the same be mad wit it! its like kung fu ya dig? ying n da yang dang al lang....

Answer 10

think of it this way.

if you can not control yourself you will eventually have social services crawling up your behind..

trust me you DO NOT want that.

so, grow up and act like an adult!!!