My daughter should not be dating until she is 35; she does not understand this. She is 21 and she thinks it's okay for her to date right now. I do not want her dating or having sex until she is 35 because I feel she will be smart enough to know the consequences by then. How do I get her to listen to me?
2007-09-05 10:41:39 · 118 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I hope she doesn't listen to you. She is an adult and if she waits till the age of 35 to live as an adult her life will have issues. Why are you soo concerned with your adult daughters sex life, need one of your own?
2007-09-05 10:47:09 · answer #1 · answered by Whoa Baby Whoa! 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She's 21, you won't be able to get her to listen to you. Legally she is an adult and can make her own decisions. You can try to teach her how to protect herself and hope that she listens, but you can't force her to listen to you and follow what you say. Honestly you can't really keep her from dating, unless you lock her up in a tower and I really don't suggest that either. At 21 I'm sure she understands that there are consequences to sex and so forth. Let her live her life and quit sheltering her. I was married, working, and taking care of my home by the time I was 21. Heck I was even a mother by then. I'm 27 now and living a great life with my kids and my husband. This is just my opinion, take it or leave it.
2007-09-05 10:49:08 · answer #2 · answered by Drea Z 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alright you're not going to like what I'm about to say, but I'm going to say it anyway.
I'm not sure how old you are, but maybe you don't know that the rules for parenting, sex, and dating have changed drastically.
First of all, your daughter is a legal adult now. She can date whom ever she wants and she can legally consent to sexual intercourse with whom ever she chooses. You can't decide that for her. While many people these days wait till they're almost 30 or older to get married, it IS their choice when to marry. And, whether you think its a good idea or not, most people have sex well before they're married-most of the time they've had sex once before they finish college. Plus, many women are finding out the hard way that once they are 35 or older, conceiving when they want to can be very difficult despite our advances in reproductive technology...and that's a whole other issue. Your daughter of course isn't "most people" which is why you want her to wait until she's 35.
If she was 16 or 18 I'd understand your concern about sex. However it is normal and healthy for teenagers and young adults to want to date. This is how they learn to socialize with the opposite sex, learn what they want in their life partner...lots of positive experiences can come from dating.
Your daughter is 21. She is almost old enough to graduate from college and go off into the real world. Dating, sex, and marriage are part of that real world. Surely she is smart enough to know if she is ready to have sex, date, get married, etc. If you feel she isn't mature enough, perhaps it is because she has little experience in this field, and perhaps that is a result of your overprotecting her. Trying to prevent her from doing these things at her age will only be a disservice to her as she is trying to grow and become her own person. And if she's already 21, I can tell you she probably HAS gone on a date, maybe even had sex. She just won't tell you. Fact: young adults don't tell their parents everything. Maybe instead of trying to get her to listen to you, you should listen to her instead. Show her she can confide in you. Listen to her and see how smart she really is. Try to understand why she does what she does. And in turn, she just might take your advice...at least sometimes.
If you are sincerely trying to keep your daughter from dating or participating in other adult activities, you might want to consider seeing a counselor. Trying to control your daughter's life in this way is unhealthy for both of you.
Also, talking to your daughter's friends' parents about their views on dating and marriage for their own 21 year olds might put your mind at ease and help you relax.
2007-09-05 11:13:36 · answer #3 · answered by colleen_71286 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What world are you living in? Let her be her own person and make her own decisions, right or wrong. After all she is a grown adult. You need to face the facts that your little girl is now a women and she has needs. A need to feel like a women, a need to feel wanted and beautiful by the opposite sex. And these are natural feelings you can't control. You may need to get some counseling of how to let go in order for your daughter to grow. She will always love her father and even more so by you trusting her. Don't take that away from her.
2007-09-05 11:04:10 · answer #4 · answered by yellowflash 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u. Legally she is an adult and can make her own decisions. You can try to teach her how to protect herself and hope that she listens, but you can't force her to listen to you and follow what you say. Honestly you can't really keep her from dating, unless you lock her up in a tower and I really don't suggest that either. At 21 I'm sure she understands that there are consequences to sex and so forth. Let her live her life and quit sheltering her. I was married, working, and taking care of my home by the time I was 21. Heck I was even a mother by then. I'm 27 now and living a great life with my kids and my husband. This is just my opinion, take it or leave it.
2014-11-04 08:19:55 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As her parent there's a point in time where you have to stop being the fence and start being the safety net. At this point (legally speaking) you can't tell her what to do. Stop blocking her from having a life and just be there for her in case something goes wrong. She's already going to be considered awkward in a dating situation because most guys her age are used to dating women who have been dating for at least a couple years, making her wait further will only make her feel more out of place. And it will be more difficult for her to understand subtle signs from any guys she's dating, don't you think she needs to know how to uncover a creep or a jerk before she gets hurt? Because the possibilty of her learning without getting hurt gets slimmer as she gets older. :( I'm sorry, that's the way it is. Talk to any parent, I'm sure they'll agree with you, that they wish they could prevent their children from dating forever (or at least until some far off point in time) but at 21 she's an adult now. You need to take a couple of steps back.
2007-09-05 10:51:24 · answer #6 · answered by Rose 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
word of advice. if you continue to put that kind of stress for her to not date until 35 and to ignore her personal need for dating and intimate relationships... she is going to rebel...and then you are going to end up with a pregnant depressed daughter... or she will just PUSH away from you. I know I would. It's a different day and age. I can understand 18 and hell, maybe 21...but when you are 21 you had better know how to make your own decisions.
If you dont let her learn for herself with your guidance...she will NEVER learn and never be able to make the right choices.
People make the right choices when they are 35 because they have EXPERIENCE. People didn't evolve overnight....we had to learn. Trial and error my dear.
If you continue to do this to her, you will probably end up not having a very close relationship with her. Sorry but Im telling you the truth. :)
2007-09-05 10:48:16 · answer #7 · answered by summer123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you can't. My parents said the same thing and I'm 23 and not a virgin. Honestly to tell you the truth if you want to be a grandparent you want her to date earlier and hopefully find a nice person to be with and one day start a family. at 35 if shes just STARTING to date then by the time she does find the special someone its really hard on her body to have children. Do you really want to rob your daughter of happiness? I understand you are protective and that love your daughter but it is time to let go. she needs to be an adult and you need to stand by her side and love her. The more you let go slowly the better off everything will be including your relationship with her. She will not appreciate you trying ot control her that way. Its just not OK at our age anymore.
2007-09-05 11:36:52 · answer #8 · answered by Jewels 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is smart enough to date now. And if she can't date until she is 35 she will be really backwards in the ways of dating and behind people she should be dating who have had 20 years more experience than her.
You can't make her listen to you, she's 21, but it always makes people feel guilty if you tell them you are disappointed.
2007-09-05 10:47:48 · answer #9 · answered by just some chick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people think 18 or older is acceptable, but I can see how it can vary from culture to culture. In the U.S. it's ultimately her decision whether you like it or not.
I understand your concern. I know personally that you are still very impressionable at 21. But trust me, telling her that sex is absolutely off limits may just push her even more to do it behind your back. If it's not a cultural thing, and you are simply concerned about her well being, maybe you should have a sit down with her and discuss the pros and cons of dating and premarital sex. I think that will get through to her more than simply telling her no.
2007-09-05 10:49:52 · answer #10 · answered by my brain hurts 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok we all understand your duaghter,but I think she'll be old enough to do whatever.Shes an adult and she doesn't want mom to control her life.Imagin your parents telling you you cant have a boyfriend or date till 60 years old.Let her be,
35 would be too old to have a child by then
and she wouldn't have any fun teenaged memories.At least let her date.But 35?COME ON.Be a cool mom
2007-09-06 12:53:17 · answer #11 · answered by Mellisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋