How do I stop worrying and feel like things will work out?

Question

I am a nervous wreck and can not work or do anything. My 15 year old daughter is now living with me and my parents. She was living with her father from age 10 until now.

She started at her new school today and was not too impressed with it. It does not compare to her earlier high school.

I keep feeling like I am at fault and should have gone back to her father and reunited the family. He was willing to accept us both back and we would have restarted over in a new town.

I could not negotiate terms with him though as to how we would reunite. We are legally divorced. Yet, he still thinks he is married to me.

I can not move out into my own place because that was the agreement on which he sent her to me. He is also watching so see that she gets straight A's and if she does not, I will be in trouble.

I am a complete and total mess?

What should I do? Should I reverse my decision?

Answer 1

Sounds like you need some legal advice. That doesn't sound like any sort of custody agreement I've ever heard of. Also, sounds like you were right to get divorced, and you should definitely stay away from this guy. You're not married to him, no matter what he thinks - that's kind of what 'divorce' means, after all. You raise your daughter the way you think is right - he is not allowed to call the shots for you, and that bit about straight A's is pure crap. She'll get whatever grades she works for, and if he tries to browbeat you, tell him to stick it in his ear. Ask your folks about legal advice about this, too - do they have a lawyer they know? You will want to be living on your own at some point; being too dependent is bad for your spine, but for now, sounds like you need all the help you can get to get up on your feet again. Good luck!

Answer 2

GIRL--HOLD ON TO YOUR SEAT!!!!!!- Whow every time you ask a question I am totally blown away- where is your sence of reasoning. So she is not impressed with the school- sorry- thats what is offered for the moment until things get better financially then she is just going to have to grin and bear it. NOTHING and I do mean nodthing is going to make her 100% happy because of comparision. So why do you constantly feel you are at fault- just becuase you finally took a stand and it does not agree with your X- husbands point of view? Lets look at this agreemnet- first we all have to assume that you are an adult- right?- lets us again assume you are the parent with physical custody- right? Agreements- was that verbal- or was it thru the courts? I cannt move out because HE IS WATCHING. Big deal- what is more important here- him watching or yor sanity with your child. Its a no brainer Stareyes. YOUR GOING TO BE IN TROUBLE? OMG- this man has TOTALLY got you were he wants you- no need to live in the same house with him- he is dictating you and your daughters lives at this VERY moment. Until you come to grips with the MENTAL abuse he is dishing you- your life and your daughters is never going to change. Take a look in the mirror and I bet you do not see a child staring back- its an adult with goals, ideals, family- but when you turn away you become the child and ALLOW others to maniplate you. This must really stop if you are ever going to have a life. I know this must sound harsh but sometimes the truth is hard to swallow. Your really fine you know- its just that your letting others push you around mentally-thus the confussion, stress, lack of self confidence. You need to decide what is best for you and your daughter- personally I do not see that living with your parents can be of any great influence or benefit for that matter returning to your X could be of any benefit other than to satisfy someone else. You asked the question- I have given you an HONEST answer.

Answer 3

how can he have that much control over you? be in trouble with your ex? that does not sound right at all. Set up some boundaries and don't let him bully you. Be happy you have this time with your daughter and make the most of it. Shake off the guilt.