My boyfriend and I are have almost 4 month old daughter together. I don't work but I stay home with her all day. He works 3rd shift and I totally understand his need for sleep but I need more help and he ignores my wishes. Even on weekends when he is home I'm the one that does almost everything for her! I don't mind doing it but sometimes I get frustrated and need more help than he gives ..
I have tried to explain this to him but it just starts a fight ..
2007-09-05 09:47:28 · 13 answers · asked by Cole Marie' 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have no doubt in my mind that he loves her or cares about her .. but .. its just like he feels I owe it to him to take care of her 24/7 with no help just because I have no job!
2007-09-05 09:52:44 · update #1
I did work , thank you! But it was becoming a hassle to find a babysiiter constantly and we only have one car .. it was just to much hassle! I'm not saying that I don't respect him for working because I do!
2007-09-05 09:57:34 · update #2
Explain to him that is not just that you need a break, but, that if he helps more with your baby that there will be more of a bond there and that this is very important to you.
If he works third shift he can perhaps get up as you are fixing supper (you may have to adjust the time you complete this task by a little bit) and just play with her for a bit.
While he is playing with her sometime, you can slip off to take a longish bath. Just make sure you don't take advantage of it and put too much on him at one time.
In my humble opinion, there is nothing sexist in his nature if you are able to stay at home to raise the child, so don't be too hard on him in that respect.
You would both do well to remember you guys are a team. That doesn't mean 50/50 all the time, most of the time, one of you will be giving more than the other. It all comes out in the wash as long as you don't hold grudges, so be sure to acknowledge when he does give you a hand and make sure he knows how much you appreciate it (instead of having an "it's about time" attitude about it.)
2007-09-05 10:29:12 · answer #1 · answered by dixiechickenyall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind him that you don't just "stay home all day" you work too! Don't let him forget that at his job he gets 2 days off a week and you haven't had one day off in over 4 months. When you put it this way, and tell him specifically the sort of things you'd like some help with, any decent guy will realize how reasonable your requests are.
2007-09-05 17:36:59 · answer #2 · answered by missbeans 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to say that you respect the fact that he works hard fo you and your daughter. Tell him that taking care of a baby is hard work too and that you feel stressed out sometimes. Try to see if you can get away for a hour or so for some shopping, or a pedicure. Call your mom and see if she can spot you some help. Trust me it gets easier, but babies are a lot of work!
2007-09-05 16:53:52 · answer #3 · answered by Amanda W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for new mothers to adjust to loosing sleep and less time to take care of themselves or the house. Taking care of a baby is a job too. He should spend time with his daughter especially if you're telling him you need a break. Good luck I have been in your situation and it is very tuff.
2007-09-05 16:52:51 · answer #4 · answered by run_becky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will most likely always be this way. You have to place him in a postion in which he has to step up to the plate. Like just leave him with her with a list of sh*t to do. if doint this turns into a fight..you need to re-evaluate the relationship
2007-09-05 16:52:00 · answer #5 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, your house has a bread winner and house keeper.
My EX and I had the same situation, I worked two jobs to support us and she took care of our daughter. Whenever she would complain that I wasn't doing enough for the baby I would simply tell her to go get a job, that way I wouldn't have to work two and I could help out more. She was less than receptive to that idea, so it just shut her up.
2007-09-05 16:54:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
Ask him to watch her while you run to the store. It will give you a starting point. Good luck.
2007-09-05 16:51:34 · answer #7 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he doesn't want to help...so where do you go from here? you can leave, you can argue with him , you can not worry about it and take care of the baby yourself. which is best?
2007-09-05 16:52:52 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that at this point he's just a sperm donor.....no matter how tired he is he's a father and he can only be a father if he participates.
2007-09-05 17:07:16 · answer #9 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's easy...tell him to help or get out...no one can use you unless you allow them to! (why would you want a lazy bum for a b/f anyway?)
2007-09-05 16:56:37 · answer #10 · answered by MC 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋